36 questions to fall in love

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

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In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.

The final task Ms. Catron and her friend try — staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes — is less well documented, with the suggested duration ranging from two minutes to four. But Ms. Catron was unequivocal in her recommendation. “Two minutes is just enough to be terrified,” she told me. “Four really goes somewhere.”

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

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13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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Do the 36 questions to fall in love actually work?

I’ve never put much store in the idea of love at first sight.

“Tell your partner something that you like about them already,” is precisely the 31 st question I ask this normally very casual guy over video chat. We’re two hours and thirty minutes into this call, road-testing the ’36 questions to fall in love’ theory. He tells me he likes my smile and I can’t help but blush at that response. When it’s my turn to answer, I share something more superficial, telling him I like his body, everything about it in fact and, in that moment, I feel a sense of shyness that I didn’t expect.

36 questions to fall in love

First formulated in 1997 36 questions to fall in love is a study by psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron which took place at Stony Brook University, New York. The aim? Speeding up the creation of intimacy between two strangers. Dr. Aron carried out the test by uniting a heterosexual man and woman together and presenting them with a list of 36 questions to try out, all finished off with four minutes of sustained eye contact. Reader, this couple got married just six months later.

Divided into three sections, each set gets increasingly intimate and personal. From ‘Question 1: Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?’ to ‘Question 36: Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.’

The objective of the study is to explore the social psychology of relationships and create closeness, although Dr. Aron states that the intimacy is only intended to be transitory in nature. So, there’s not actually an expectation to immediately fall in love as soon as the 36 th question is answered, though you should feel something. Right?

«I’ve never put much store in the idea of love at first sight»

Before testing the study out for myself with a guy I used to date (I really wanted to try out these questions and had no one else to ask, okay?), I was curious but also cynical. I’ve never put much store in the idea of love at first sight or really got it when characters in movies become obsessed with one another within three days, so I wasn’t expecting a miraculous surge of adoration to wash over me. Instead, I was eager to discover something new about someone I already knew and ask questions I wouldn’t tend to ask.

The advantage of the structured 36 questions

Our answers to ‘Question 9: For what in your life do you feel most grateful?’ was the same – family, while ‘Question 16: What do you value most in a friendship?’ revealed our compatible need for thoughtfulness and having people around us that have our best interests at heart. These questions were some of my favourites.

There are three questions out of the 36 that centre friendship, including ‘Question 20: What does friendship mean to you?’ and ‘Question 27: If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.’

I personally think that a good romantic relationship should have a good friendship at the foundation as the friendship element is what makes your bond strong, meaningful and genuine, not attraction and a couple of shared interests.

«The questions provide you access to finding out whether you feel comfortable and safe»

It was particularly useful for us to have a list in place with questions neither of us had created or over analysed. I spoke with relationship psychotherapist, Matt Davies, who seconded this notion for first-time daters. “When you’re first meeting, if you don’t have a structure, what you’re doing is you’re generating all kinds of superficial chat,” he says.

“Psychologically you’re assessing, ‘Do I like this person or not? Do I feel safe with them?’ But, with that out of the way, the questions provide you access to finding out whether you feel comfortable and safe with them.”

Unlocking vulnerability

The 36 questions are key in unlocking that vulnerability and genuineness that a lot of people struggle to show generally, let alone when seeking love.

Questions like ‘18: What is your most terrible memory?’ (my answer nearly made me tear up) and ‘30: When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?’ tested how honest and open we could be with one another, which aren’t traits that are often explored early in a potential relationship, due to fear of opening up or sharing personal things ‘too early’.

Dr. Davies says, “Psychological intimacy is a prerequisite for passion. [The questions] allow people to understand that we’re all human, and that is so connecting. It’s the opposite of alienation, where we might think somebody is better than us or we’re one down or one up. I think that is really important to help with intimacy.”

And ignite intimacy it did – while we were already comfortable and familiar with one another, we both learnt something new. Forget the simple things like our favourite colours or favourite movies, we unlocked deeper, emotional experiences such as my sister being in the hospital being one of the worst times of my life and him crying in front of a previous partner.

Do the 36 questions to fall in love work?

The initial cynicism I had definitely eased up as the questions progressed, although I didn’t like every single question due to their vagueness and repetition. However, perhaps that’s what’s needed. The vague elements of some questions allowed us to be as open-ended as possible, while the repetition of the questions that asked us to say positive things about one another fulfilled my biggest love language.

Once we finished the questions, we joked about whether we were in love yet. Well, we’re still not dating but the enhanced closeness we felt has got to mean something.

Full list of 36 questions to fall in love

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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36 вопросов, чтобы (снова) влюбиться

Возможно ли влюбиться за 49 минут и 36 вопросов? Как показывают исследования Артура Арона, профессора из Университета Стоуни Брук (США), действительно, влюбиться возможно. Для этого Артур Арон и группа исследователей разработали определенные вопросы, на которые необходимо отвечать и задавать друг другу последовательно. В эксперименте на вопросы отводилось 45 минут. А затем 4 минуты, чтобы посмотреть друг другу в глаза. После окончания эксперимента одна пара даже поженилась [The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings].

Есть и другие факты, подтверждающие эффективность опросника Артура Арона. К примеру, в 2015 году Мэнди Лен Кэтрон поделилась своей историей в газете The New York Times о том, как проходил ее опыт 36 вопросов [To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This]. Она рассказывает, что эксперимент проводила со своим знакомым. Они уже были влюблены друг в друга и их отношения только завязывались, несмотря на то, что были знакомы уже давно, с университета. Их эксперимент проводился не в лабораторных условиях, а в баре. Мэнди и ее знакомый по очереди отвечали на вопросы, и у них ушло более полутора часов. После вопросов они смотрели друг другу в глаза четыре минуты. И, как говорит сама Менди, метод Арона помог им осознать влюбленность, создать доверие и почувствовать близость.

Артур Арон и группа исследователей разработали систему вопросов – всего их 36. Вопросы разбиты таким образом, что позволяют постепенно открывать и узнавать друг друга. Вопросы, словно по спирали, помогают погрузиться в личность, деликатно открывая новые стороны, при этом сохраняя личные границы. Это и создает магию близости с другим человеком. И именно с этой целью был разработан опросник.

Ценность времени увеличивается с каждым днем, и эти вопросы помогают установить более близкие отношения, даже если у вас разные взгляды на некоторые вещи. Потратить около одного часа и стать ближе – разве это не заманчиво?

С чего все началось?

Когда Артур Арон был студентом, он влюбился в Элейн Сполдинг. Вскоре она стала его женой. Они оба учились на психологов и в то время Арон искал объект для своих исследований. После встречи Артур и Эллейн поняли, что хотели бы исследовать отношения между людьми, а именно: как возникает близость, доверие и любовь. Информации на эти темы было крайне мало. Так, в 1997 году Артур Арон вместе с Элейн и группой других исследователей провели эксперимент с целью намеренного создания эмоциональной близости между незнакомыми людьми в лабораторных условиях. И самое интересное, что в эксперименте не было цели создать влюбленность между парами [36 Questions for Intimacy, Back Story]. Однако, как показал эксперимент и последующее применение вопросов, это отличный шанс, чтобы влюбиться.

Эксперимент проводился на студентах-добровольцах из университета Стоуни Брука. Добровольцы разбивались на пары, по очереди задавали друг другу вопросы и отвечали на них в течение 45 минут, а после смотрели друг другу в глаза. Прежде чем родились знаменитые 36 вопросов, было проведено множество попыток. После каждого опыта Артур Арон и его группа исследователей определяли наиболее эффективные вопросы, помогающие постепенно делиться личной информацией и эмоционально сближаться. В итоге получилась стратегически продуманная серия вопросов, способствующая не только сближению, но и влюбленности. Только для второго необходимо, чтобы пара уже была симпатична друг другу.

Как работают 36 вопросов?

Полный список 36 вопросов Арона был первоначально опубликован в академическом журнале социальной психологии более 20 лет назад. Вопросы с того времени не менялись, они работают и сохранили свою актуальность и в наше время.

Список начинается с поверхностных вопросов (например, если бы вы могли пригласить кого-нибудь на ужин (близкого человека, умершего родственника, знаменитость), кого бы вы выбрали?) и постепенно спускаются к более личным, давая возможность узнать о мечтах, сожалениях, ценностях и приоритетах (чуть позже вы познакомитесь с остальными вопросами). Проводя эксперимент, Арур Арон пришел к выводу: «Лучше всего работает постепенное самораскрытие. Вы не хотите открываться быстро и полностью» [36 Questions That Can Lead to Love].

Вопросы включают в себя три важных компонента и помогают:

Можно сказать, что это и есть три кита, на которых возможно построить и поддерживать отношения. 36 вопросов – открытые и глубокие, и они нацелены на искренность и обдуманность ответов. С помощью них можно узнать и о себе много нового.

Огромным плюсом является короткое время, за которое можно узнать о человеке больше, чем за недели общения:

Благодаря этой информации уже можно многое сказать о человеке и даже спрогнозировать его поведение и возможное дальнейшее развитие отношений.

Последовательные ответы на вопросы позволяют увидеть уязвимые и интимные части, скрываемые перед другими людьми. И такие тайные уголки нас открываются только близким людям. Стоит отметить, что опросник поможет влюбиться только в том случае, если у партнеров уже есть симпатия. В ином случае он просто поможет стать ближе друг к другу в эмоциональном плане.

Опросник Артура Арона эффективен и для уже сложившихся пар. Ответы на нестандартные вопросы позволяют взглянуть по-новому на партнера. Неожиданные паузы, эмоциональные реакции и нетипичные ответы пробуждают чувства. Обнаженные слабости, признания и понимание способствуют созданию и укреплению эмоциональной связи.

Станьте ближе

В эксперименте Артур Арон выделял 45 минут на вопросы с ответами и 4 минуты на взгляд, глаза в глаза. Как показывает практика, времени уходит чуть больше. Возьмите час и постарайтесь уединиться там, где вас никто не побеспокоит. Отвечайте и задавайте вопросы друг другу по очереди. Старайтесь быть откровенными, не осуждайте и постарайтесь понять вашего партнера. Вопросы разбиты на три группы и с каждой группой интимность ответов увеличивается естественным образом:

Часть № 1:

Часть № 2:

Часть № 3:

После завершения посмотрите друг другу в глаза в течение 4 минут. И поделитесь вашими впечатлениями.

Подводя итог

36 вопросов Артура Арона помогают ощутить близость с другим человеком. И если вы выбрали друг друга осознанно или же на подсознательном уровне (о чем наше подсознание не всегда нам докладывает), то вы можете крепко влюбиться в вашего партнера. Опросник словно оборачивает серьёзные темы в шуточные и легкие. Отвечая на эти вопросы, вы взаимно открываетесь друг другу, медленно и постепенно.

Ответы помогают лучше узнать не только второго человека, но и себя. Некоторые вопросы могут быть весьма неожиданными. Ценности, интересы, приоритеты, желания и черты характера помогают увидеть более глубокий образ.

Опросник Артура Арона помогает сблизиться двум людям за короткий промежуток времени. Для эксперимента вам понадобится лишь около одного часа.

Суть вопросов заключается в том, чтобы постепенно раскрываться перед другим человеком. Вопросы углубляются с каждой последующей группой, при этом сохраняя личные границы. Метод 36 вопросов – это хорошо продуманная система, основанная на сотнях испытуемых. Важным моментом является открытость и стремление к пониманию. Успех зависит от взаимности. Опросник Артура Арона – отличный способ ускорить процесс сближения.

Хотите улучшить общение с вашими близкими, коллегами и просто знакомыми? Пройдите наш курс, где собраны лучшие техники коммуникации: семья и отношения, знакомства и поддержание разговора, переговоры и спор и многие другие!

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36 questions designed to help you fall in love with anyone

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Asking thirty-six specific questions plus four minutes of sustained eye contact is a recipe for falling in love, or at least creating intimacy among complete strangers.

Creating a close rapport between people who have just met is difficult, especially in laboratory conditions. But psychologist Arthur Aaron of Stony Brook University created a method for doing just this. Recently, the method was tested by writer Mandy Len Catron at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver.

After finding Dr. Aaron’s questions online, she proposed an event with an acquaintance of hers. They would follow the method, exchanging questions for forty-five minutes which become progressively more intimate and then stare into each others’ eyes for four minutes.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Though not complete strangers, they were not on intimate terms either. Catron found the prospect of looking right at someone for four minutes intimidating:

“[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.”

That unexpected state was one of bravery and wonder, transcending the barriers and boundaries erected in day-to-day adult life. And while Catron doesn’t quite believe you can easily create love between two strangers, feelings of intimacy and trust—necessary conditions for love to thrive—are just fifty minutes away.

Love, she says, is more of a choice than we allow ourselves to believe.

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

In his Big Think interview, Vanderbilt anthropologist Ted Fischer explains that because love is a very positive evolutionary force, the barriers to it are actually quite low:

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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36 Questions To Make You Fall in Love: Does It Work?

Mandy Len Catron fell in love with a stranger. In the New York Times’ “Modern Love” section, she listed 36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone. Her theory is that any two people can ask and answer these 36 questions while staring into the other person’s eyes for at least two minutes, and this will lead to love.

The 36 Questions Theory

Here Are The 36 Questions To Fall In Love And Get You Started:

Why Would This Work?

Some of the 36 questions are deeply personal and involve great self-disclosure. They force you to open up and be vulnerable with the other person. The answers to these 36 questions will give you a very clear picture of the other person, who they are, and what’s important to them. Asking and answering these questions may not always lead to love, but they can certainly help you to better understand and bond with someone in a rather unique way. You never know…people fall in love for all sorts of reasons, and not all of them are entirely logical.

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Below are additional questions on this topic:

Does 36 questions fall in love work?

What Are The Famous 36 Questions?

The 36 questions that theoretically lead to love, even between two strangers, include the following:

How Long Do The 36 Questions Take?

Asking and answering the 36 questions that can lead to love can take a variable amount of time depending on the individuals and their answers. For some, asking and answering these questions may take less than an hour. For others, it may take several hours, particularly if they’re really enjoying the process and other conversations and questions are spurred in the process. If you already know one another versus being two strangers can also impact how long the exercise takes.

What are the most asked questions about love?
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What are 5 random questions?
What are some love questions?
Is it true that it takes 4 minutes to fall in love?

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How To Fall in Love: 36 Questions That Can Make Love Blossom in 45 Minutes

Could these 36 questions help you form the most intimate relationship of your life?

These 36 questions to fall in love could make you closer and more intimate with another person than with anyone else in your life — in just 45 minutes.

When New York psychologist Professor Arthur Aron and colleagues used these questions experimentally, they discovered that 30% of people formed their closest ever human relationship.

And, on average, people had become at least as close as their average established relationship, which had taken years to form.

The questions, published in the journal Interpersonal Closeness, were originally designed to create closeness between two people so that psychologists could study how relationships form (Aron et al., 1997).

Apart from anything else, though, most people found it really fun.

The instructions start with the following:

“We believe that the best way for you to get close to your partner is for you to share with them and for them to share with you.

In order to help you get close we’ve arranged for the two of you to engage in a kind of sharing game.

One of you should read aloud the first [question] and then BOTH do what it asks, starting with the person who read the slip aloud.

When you are both done, go on to the second [question] — one of you reading it aloud and both doing what it asks.

Alternate who reads aloud (and thus goes first) with each new [question].” (Aron et al., 1997).

And here are the questions:

36 Questions To Fall In Love – Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

36 Questions To Fall In Love – Set Two

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. What do you value most in a friendship?

5. What is your most treasured memory?

6. What is your most terrible memory?

7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. What does friendship mean to you?

9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

36 Questions To Fall In Love – Set Three

1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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Want to Fall in Love With Your Partner Again? Science Says to Ask Them These 36 Questions

Love is more than a feeling; it’s a choice.

Relationships are hard. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst. They test the very essence of our beings: our capacity for forgiveness; our ability to trust (both ourselves and another); the true extent of our self-love; the strength of our boundaries; and the power of attachment.

Anything that can help bring us together, then, should be explored. And one scientific finding about love rises above others in the literature, if only for its rom-com level of magic.

If there was ever a question of whether you can generate intimacy in a lab setting, it was answered by this study. Six months later, one of the pairs was in love. When they got married, they invited the whole lab staff to the ceremony.

When Catron, author of the New York Times piece, did the questions with an acquaintance, she wasn’t totally prepared, especially for the eye contact at the end:

«[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected.»

The unexpected place? It was a state of being more than anything, and one that led to more connection than perhaps either thought possible.

«I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn’t about us; it’s about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known.»

We all want to be known. We want to be known by our friends, our colleagues, our family members, even our neighbors. We want to be seen for what we have to offer, what we provide, for who we are.

But the person we often crave to feel most known by is our partner. This is the person with whom we share the most intimate details of our lives (not to mention our bodies). It’s the person who sees us at our best and our worst. The one who knows our history and is a primary part of our future.

There are lots of ways to celebrate upcoming Valentine’s Day. This year, consider doing something different. If you’re not in a relationship, propose doing this experiment with someone you’ve always thought was interesting but have yet to take the leap with. What do you have to lose?

And if you’re in a relationship, skip the fancy dinner or other high-pressure, conventional thing.

Instead, grab a bottle of wine and make the choice to commit to the magic of the questions. Allow the vulnerability of the answers to carry you even closer together. Take on the challenge of revealing yourself even more deeply to the person you cherish most in the world, and revel in the soul-deep connection that can ensue.

Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a «perfect» day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

25. Make three true «we» statements each. For instance, «We are both in this room feeling _______.»
26. Complete this sentence: «I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______.»
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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36 Questions to Fall in Love: A Definitive List

If you are looking for the best love questions for introspection or to ask in your life? This list of questions to fall in love is for you.

Whether it is a girlfriend, a spouse, a crush next door or a special friend you want to build a special bond with, these love questions will help you to not only build the special bond between you but also declared your good intentions for them and move them closer to your heart.

The questions are short with a relaxed leisurely feel.

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love

Set I

#1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

#2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

#3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

#4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

#5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

#6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

#7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

#8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

#9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

#10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

#11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

#12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

#13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

#14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

#15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

#16. What do you value most in a friendship?

#17. What is your most treasured memory?

#18. What is your most terrible memory?

#19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

#20. What does friendship mean to you?

#21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

#22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

#23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

#24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

#25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

#26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …”

#27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

#28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

#29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

#30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

#31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

#32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

#33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

#34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

#35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

#36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Love Questions to Ask

Part I

Love Questions to Ask a Girl

Questions to ask your girlfriend and know if she truly loves you.

#1. What do you value the most in a relationship?

#2. Which type of men do you find attractive?

#3. Which values do you hold dear to your heart?

#4. What have you learned about relationships these days?

#5. How do you know when you are in love with a guy?

#6. Have you been in love before?

#7. What is the foundation of a healthy relationship?

#8. What is your love language?

#9. What do you remember about falling in love for the very first time?

#10. What is your toxic relationship story?

#11. What is the best thing about being in love?

#12. What is your romantic Valentine’s Day story?

#13. What is the most romantic destination you have ever been to?

#14. What comes into your mind when you hear Paris?

#15. Chocolates, roses, and wine… what comes into your mind?

#16. What is your go-to love song?

#17. Where would you like to go on a vacation this year?

#18. Have you ever moved in with a partner before?

#19. What do you remember about your first kiss?

#20. Who is your crush?

#21. What is your type of a man?

#22. What is the longest you have been in a relationship?

#23. How will you feel if I said I love you?

#24. Why do good girls fall for bad boys?

#25. Do you like calls or text messages person?

#26. What do you like about your parents’ relationship?

#27. At what point does casual dating become a relationship?

#28. Coffee dates or dinner dates?

#29. Do you have rules when it comes to dating?

#30. Is it okay to kiss after the first date?

Part II

Love Questions to Ask a Guy

#1. What is your type of girl?

#2. What is the most romantic thing a girl can do for you?

#3. How do you know if a girl likes you?

#4. Have you ever proposed to someone before?

#5. Have you ever lived with a partner or married before?

#6. Are you easy to love?

#7. What goes through your mind when a girl gives you her phone number?

#8. How active are you on social media? Instagram, Snapchat, or Tiktok handle?

#9. Are you seeing someone at the moment?

#10. What are you looking for? A relationship, something casual or not sure?

#11. Have you been in a serious relationship before?

#12. What makes a relationship last for a lifetime?

#13. What is the problem with girls these days?

#14. Do finances affect relationships?

#15. Are you into a lifestyle of parties and fun?

#16. How do you show your love for a girl you are in love with?

#17. How do you spend your weekends?

#18. Are you into kissing and cuddling?

#19. What do you value the most in a relationship?

#20. Should married couples still go for dates?

#21. What is your take on my style in fashion?

#22. How likely are you to respond to a random DM from a girl?

#23. How is our work-life balance?

#24. What do you find hard to forgive in a relationship?

#25. What breaks your heart?

#26. Does the past affect the present relationship?

#27. What makes love grow?

#28. What is the best gift you received from a girl?

#29. What is the craziest thing you have done in the name of love?

Part III

Love Questions to Ask Yourself

1. How do I define love?

3. Is my partner in love with me?

5. Do I find my boyfriend/girlfriend romantic?

6. How much do I like my partner’s presence?

7. What is the best way to show my love for someone?

8. Do I appreciate them enough?

9. Am I intentional in my relationship?

10. Is my relationship toxic?

Next: 100+ Hilarious Questions for Couples

11. What purpose does the relationship serve in my life?

12. How proud is my boyfriend of me?

13. What is your picture of an ideal relationship?

14. What can’t you get enough of with your special one?

15. How happy are you when they are around?

16. Do you trust yourself to be romantic enough?

17. What are the cornerstones of a happy relationship?

18. In what ways does the relationship benefit you?

19. What are your biggest fears when it comes to your love life?

20. Have you ever fallen in love before?

21. Is your love life growing?

22. Am I growing as a person?

23. What are your relationship goals for the next three years?

25. When was your last date?

26. How often do you date?

27. How often and how much time do you dedicate to each other?

28. What attributes are your pillar in the relationship?

29. Are you proud of having him or her in your life?

30. Are you generally happy?

31. How often do you feel fulfilled?

32. In your opinion, what are the responsibilities of a man?

33. What are the responsibilities of a woman?

34. What is the relationship between money and relationships?

35. Will you be with your partner if they become bankrupt right now?

36. How confident are you that your partner will be there for you no matter what?

37. Do you sometimes feel you are lying to yourself?

38. Should you get married?

39. What is the nature of your relationship?

40. What do you consider cheating?

41. What would you not tolerate?

44. What are your limits when it comes to love life?

45. In what ways do you keep each other happy?

46. How well do you communicate?

47. What is your love language? Does your partner know about it?

48. Have you ever imagined you two together for life?

49. What matters the most in your love life?

50. In what ways are you trying to get closer to each other?

51. Do you feel understood?

52. How often do you feel misunderstood?

53. Do you believe in soulmate status?

54. Do you strongly feel your partner is your soulmate?

55. What do your friends say about your partner?

56. How often do you bond?

57. How do you feel about your partner’s touch?

58. How often do you miss your partner?

59. Do you sometimes get into a fight?

60. How do you resolve your fights?

61. How often do you get mad at them for no good reason at all?

62. What do you like in common?

63. What do you like that they don’t like?

64. Does your partner appreciate and respect your family?

65. Has your partner ever introduced you to any of their relatives?

66. Has your partner ever talked of introducing you to their parents?

67. Have you ever broken up with him or her before?

68. How much does your partner understand you?

69. Do you sometimes keep secrets away from your special someone?

70. How often do they make you feel special?

71. How often do they make you feel loved?

72. Does your partner sometimes portray signs of being possessive of you?

73. Does your partner sometimes show signs of being jealous?

74. What is the last thing that made you cry in your relationship?

75. What experiences qualify as the building blocks for your love life?

76. What are some of the most memorable experiences you have had together?

77. Have you had dark times together? How did you go about it?

78. Do you believe in love at fight sight?

79. Have you ever fallen out of love before? What made you fall out of love?

80. Have you been in a complex relationship before? How do you define a complex relationship?

81. What is your take on friends with benefits type of relationships?

82. How would you summarize your love life so far?

83. How likely are you to sacrifice your life for the sake of love?

84. What is the biggest sacrifice you have ever done in the name of love?

85. What relationship advice would you give a younger you?

86. How often does your partner say: I love you?

87. How often do you say: I love you?

90. What is the relationship between love and money?

91. Would you truly love and be happy with no money?

92. How mutual is your relationship?

93. Do you sometimes feel your partner cheats?

94. How often do you feel insecure?

95. How often does your partner feel insecure?

96. Do you feel beautiful enough for him?

97. Do you feel he is handsome enough for you?

There you have a complete list of 36 questions to fall in love with and more.

Questions to fall in love.

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36 questions to fall in love: what are they – and do they work?

One of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s most enduring quotes reads ”they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.”¹ It’s a romantic thought, but can intimacy ever be created so quickly? Surely these things take time? Actually, according to psychologist Arthur Aron, brisk is just fine. In fact, it might only take 36 questions to fall in love.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

Since gaining viral fame in a New York Times Modern Love column, psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron’s 36 questions to fall in love have been the subject of headline after headline. The popularity of the 36 questions is mostly due to one startling claim: those who’ve tried the questions say that using them with a date (or even a friend) can help foster intimacy and – perhaps – lead to love.

So what are the 36 questions, exactly? In a nutshell, they are set of 36 specific queries designed to bring you and a partner closer together by discovering what makes each other tick. The questions are broken into three groups and, as you move through the sets, the questions become increasingly more probing – starting with gentle prompts like ”what would constitute a perfect day for you?” and moving through to very personal enquiries like ”Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?”

By combining the full questionnaire with 2-4 minute session of quietly gazing into each other’s eyes, researchers say a couple can create feelings of mutual vulnerability and disclosure – feelings that can create a shortcut to emotional intimacy and even to falling in love.

Where did the questions come from?

To the casual observer, 2015 was the year of the 36 questions, with everyone from the New York Times to Buzzfeed to The Guardian newspaper publishing think pieces on the topic. But the questionnaire is much older than that – nearly 20 years older in fact!

The man behind the 36 questions to fall in love, social psychology researcher Dr. Arthur Aron, first published on the subject in 1997. His paper, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, was based on nearly 30 years of research into love, conducted alongside his wife and scientific collaborator, psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron.

I fell deeply in love with Elaine Aron, my long term partner and collaborator. I looked around and there was almost no research on love. So I said, ‘there’s my topic’.

Arthur Aron, talking to Hack magazine 2

Together, the Arons decided to study closeness between people, aiming to find out what exactly it is that binds us. They decided to see if they could create a situation where two strangers would be encouraged to share intimacies, starting innocuously to ensure everyone’s comfort, and building to a really personal finale to create feelings of trust and connection. And so, the 36 questions were born.

Although they’re often referred to as ‘the 36 questions to fall in love’, The Arons believe that they are more about creating a deep emotional connection rather than real love. However, not all their subjects agree: in fact, the very first couple to try the questions – a pair of research assistants in the Arons’ lab – ended up falling in love and getting married six months later!

Do the 36 questions work outside of the lab?

Since their laboratory beginnings, the 36 questions have made it to a wider audience. One of the major catalysts was the New York Times Modern Love column cited above. In it, Vancouverite, academic, and author Mandy Len Catron details her experience trying the questions out on a first date with a guy from her climbing gym.

Her experiences? Strange, exhilarating and, overwhelmingly, positive. She talks about how the format of the questions helped guide her and her date into a place of ‘’accelerated intimacy’’ 3 so naturally that she barely questioned it:

The questions reminded me of the infamous boiling frog experiment in which the frog doesn’t feel the water getting hotter until it’s too late. With us, because the level of vulnerability increased gradually, I didn’t notice we had entered intimate territory until we were already there, a process that can typically take weeks or months.

Mandy Len Catron, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

Later, after they came out of the intimacy bubble brought on by the questions, the couple proceeded to a nearby bridge to try out the second part of the experience: gazing into one another’s eyes for four minutes. Len Catron says that ‘’I’ve skied steep slopes and hung from a rock face by a short length of rope, but staring into someone’s eyes for four silent minutes was one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life.’’

Like many people who give it a whirl, Len Catron and her partner felt an almost instant connection after trying the 36 questions experiment. But was that bond built to last? Well, reader, she married him. Today, she spends her time climbing mountains with her now-husband and writing about love – her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone is a truly great read.

How do I take the 36 questions to love?

Ultimately of course, there’s only one way to discover if the 36 questions can help you fall in love at first sight – and that’s to put them to the test yourself.

To try them, sit down with someone you’d like to know better (this can be a stranger, a friend, even a marriage partner), and take turns answering each question. Make sure you set aside some quiet time to really get truthful – the questions will normally take anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to complete fully. And don’t forget to finish with gazing into each others’ eyes: around four minutes is perfect.

The 36 questions

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Read more: inspired by Modern Love? It’s now in podcast form! Find it and our other favourite relationship podcasts here

EliteSingles editorial June 2017

Have you tried the 36 questions to love? Or would you like to know more? Get in touch! You can comment below or email us at [email protected]

Sources:

1 F Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise. Published by Scribner, March 26, 1920

2 Ange McCormack and Sarah McVeigh, writing for ABC’s Hack, March 2017. Behind the famous ‘36 questions that lead to love.’ Found at http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love/8387736

3 Mandy Len Catron, writing for the New York Times, Jan 2015. To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This (Updated With Podcast). Found at https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html

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36 questions that may lead to love

Almost twenty years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues conducted research to explore whether it was possible to help strangers create closeness and develop a relationship by asking a series of specific personal questions.

The idea is that mutual vulnerability through self-disclosure fosters closeness and has an impact on the process of building a relationship. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with another person it fosters closeness, “sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure” is fundamental to the development of a close relationship.

The 36 questions are broken up into three sets, with a gradual increase in the intensity of self-disclosure. The couple takes turns asking questions over a period of 90 minutes.

So if you are meeting someone for your first date or wanting to build greater intimacy in a relationship consider giving it a try. The research found these 36 questions were more effective than small talk in building closeness in the relationship and may lead to love too.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

What could constitute a «perfect» day for you?

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Name three things you and your partner (the person you are dating) appear to have in common?

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else what would you want to know?

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

What do you value most in a friendship?

What is your most treasured memory?

What is your most terrible memory?

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

What does friendship mean to you?

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner (the person you are dating). Share a total of 5 items.

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Make 3 true ‘we’ statements each. For instance «We are both in this room feeling. «

Complete this sentence: «I wish I had someone with whom I could share. «

If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Tell your partner something that you love about them already?

What if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? What haven’t you told them yet?

Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, as your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Want to know more about the 36 questions or finding love? Take a look.

Resources

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How to Make Her Fall in Love: The 36 Questions

UPDATE: this is an old article. It doesn’t reflect my current way of thinking (you can read more about it here). But that doesn’t mean there is no value in it! It can still be useful to you, like it was helpful to me at some point. Some corrections have been made, but not enough to change its original essence. So, if you find it useful, then use it!

Last Monday we reviewed the main topics to talk about with a girl. It was important because I highlighted the different topics we can talk about depending on the intimacy with the girl. Our goal, obviously, is to level up the intimacy with her. But I said what we’ll be covering today is powerful stuff.

Not only it will help you ramp up the intimacy with her at lightning speed. You will have a huge list of topics to talk about with her that make her much more likely to develop feelings for you.

A few researchers lead by Arthur Aron figured out 36 questions that accelerate the intimacy between two people (original paper). It starts with:

These 36 questions are a way to supercharge the closeness with a person.

How The 36 Questions Work

In experiments, complete strangers begin answering these things to each other. In just 45 minutes, feelings arise. They get to know each other very closely. The share things they like about each other. They share dreams, vulnerabilities, failures, goals.

Then at the end, they stare at each other from two to four minutes. This stare is no magic. It’s just deep-rooted communication that naturally creates closeness. That’s why it’s an important part of body language to attract girls.

After those short 45 minutes and the stare into the eyes, they feel an extremely powerful connection. In some cases, that connection directly leads to love.

How to Make Her Fall in Love with You By Using the 36 Questions

The experiment initially set out to create intimacy progressively in a controlled environment. However as a ‘side effect’ some of the couples fell in love instantly.

Check out this video of Spanish TV where random people are put together to test this bold study. It’s in Spanish, but it’s the best one I’ve found and you don’t really need to understand what they say, because you’ll find the 36 questions below. You’ll get the context and the body language and overall communication —which is more important here:

Real-world application

Of course, you can’t approach a girl and start asking her these 36 questions. This experiment works because both participants agree to ask and answer the questions.

But this experiment demonstrates that this is not rocket science. It’s entirely dependent on the things you do. If people came to know some things about each other, they fall in love. If they don’t, they feel nothing.

You can take huge advantage by using them. You’ll speed up her interest in you. You’ll smooth your conversation. And she will be much more likely to fall for you:

➔ You can expand the list of topics to talk about. Instead of talking about how many times you go to the gym (data collection mode) which is personal but not very relevant, you can focus on these intimacy-boosting questions.

As you’ll see, the 36 questions combined focus on each one of The Three Behaviors, so you especially focus on one of those if your interaction is lacking that behavior.

➔ Once she’s comfortable talking at the personal level, you can start by asking her these questions, casually, here and there. Don’t force it! If she introduced the personal conversation, which is great, by asking your age, you can’t reply and immediately ask: “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?” —which is one of the questions, lol.

But once she’s comfortable at that level and having fun with you, you could ask: “What would constitute a perfect day for you?” which is one of the questions too, and much more acceptable.

I used many of these questions already and I didn’t know they were included in this list!

This does not mean you can’t ask them right away. If you have a Direct approach, you start at a somewhat personal level because you’re showing interest in her. But that’s not the case of the Indirect approach.

So little by little you ramp up the intimacy like no other guy.

Just remember. I can’t stress it enough because I don’t want you to mess The Three Behaviors. You can’t force it.

➔ The third way you can take advantage of it, is by sharing your answers to these questions without her asking.

Remember that, when having a conversation, if you run out of links and threads, the best option is always to talk about yourself.

Well, what best topic than one of these 36 questions?

You automatically create intimacy and make her much more willing to open to you and ask you more personal stuff by going in first.

For instance, if your current conversation is coming to a dead end, you could say: “yeah, that sucks. That is actually one of my most terrible memories (which is the answer to one of the questions), because blah, blah…”

Ok, so let’s list the questions:

The 36 Questions to Fall In Love

Those are the questions. As you can see, together they touch The Three Behaviors, by showing your strengths at some point, making her feel sexually desired, showing you care about others and can protect her, etc.

Some of these questions show vulnerabilities. Yet girls still fall in love with guys with flaws. It’s your confidence to accept them and your drive to change what you can what attracts girls.

Now you can apply them into real-world situations. It’s not a bit manipulative. The idea is not to force her to fall in love with you, but to learn how you can do it and grow your intimacy faster!

Were you already using some of the 36 questions? Which ones can you start using right away?

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The 36 Questions You Should Be Asking To Fall In Love

Ash him/her these 36 questions tested questions to be fall in love with.

Do you believe that we can fall in love with anyone?В Do you think that love is mad? Is it destiny? A fate where the stars decide whom you meet and fall in love with?В Have you looked at someone or gone on a date only to wonder how to make that person fall in love with you?

Well, you can make anyone fall in love with you, or make yourself fall in love with someone else. В And of course, destiny plays a part in this affair, but psychology can rule it as well!
Feeling confused?

Let us simplify.В Falling in love is not as mystical as it seems. At least not according to the psychologist Arthur Aron. In fact, according to him, people can fall in love with anyone, even a random stranger, or an acquaintance if they ask each other a series of personal questions. Not just any questions, but a set of questions that Aron devised. Of course, he has the scientific study to prove it!

Aron states that these questions, 36 in all, divided into three sets are quite probing in nature, and basically, they are ideal for a first date. The questions can accelerate feelings between two individuals and increase their intimacy levels.

The questions are designed to probe the development of close relationships, make both parties seem vulnerable, exercise force on the issues that usually serve as cornerstones of the romantic relationship. He has used these questions in his 1997 original study and made two people fall in love in his laboratory!

In fact, these two strangers were married within six months of meeting each other. Today, his questions are widely used by prospective couples to increase their intimacy, analyze if they love each other or find out if the romantic partner is right for them.

So, psychology plays a crucial role when it comes to falling in love. The questions in Aron’s study explore values, beliefs, past experiences, background, future thoughts, interests and even previous relationships. And by the end of the question-answer round, people usually realize whether or not they are meant for each.

How does this happen? How to make anyone fall in love?

Well, you can try a modified version of questions in Arthur Aron’s study to make anyone fall in love with you. The questions are divided into three set, each set increasing the emotional vulnerability. Ideally, questions from the first two sets should be answered alternately, while the questions from the last set must be answered by each.

Set I

1. If you could invite anyone to dinner, who would that be?
2. Do you want to be famous? What way?
3. Do you tend to rehearse what you are going to say before making a phone call? If yes/if no, why?
4. What’s a ‘perfect’ day for you?
5. When was the last time you sang for yourself? Sang to someone else?
6. If you were going to live till the age of 90, would you want the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years?
7. Have you ever had an idea of how you will die?
8. Name three things shared between us (or that appear to be common)
9. What are you most grateful for?
10. Is there anything you would like to change about your nurturing? If yes, what it would be?
11. Tell your life story to the partner in 4 minutes, as much detail as possible
12. What is that one quality/ability that you would want to have when you wake up tomorrow (could be magical, mystical and others)

Set II

13. What would you like to know if a crystal ball can tell you the truth- yourself, your life, future or something else?
14. Is there anything you dreamt of doing for a long time? If yes, then why haven’t you done it?
15. Greatest accomplishment
16. In friendship, what is it that you value the most?
17. Treasured memories
18. Terrible memories
19. If you only had one year to live and you would die suddenly, is there anything you will change about how you are living? What and why?
20. What’s the meaning of friendship
21. Do you think love and affection are the important part of your life?
22. Is your family close and warm? Was your childhood happier than most people?
23. How was your relationship with your mother?
24. Alternately tell five characteristics of your partner that you consider positive

Set III

25. Make three true statements using ‘We,’ like, ‘we feel awkward,’ ‘we have had a liking for each other,’ etc.
26. Fill in the blanks, “I wish I had someone to share_________”
27. Your partner should be your close friend. Share one thing that’s important for him/her to know.
28. Share an embarrassing moment
29. When was the last time you cried by yourself and in front of others?
30. Tell your partner what you like about them (even on the first date)
31. Tell your partner what you like about them, even the things you wouldn’t say to someone you just met. Be honest.
32. Is there something too serious to be joked about?
33. What would you regret the most if you die this evening without an option to communicate? Why have you done it yet?
34. If your house catches fire, what are the one item you will save apart from your loved ones and pets
35. Who death in the family would be most disturbing to you?
36. Discuss a personal problem with your partner and request their advice. Also, ask the partner to reflect back on what they think about the chosen problem

How to Fall in love with someone using these questions?

If you are a skeptic and still feel weird about how it will help you fall in love with someone, or help someone fall in love with you, then this is how it works,

So, that’s how those 36 questions can make you fall in love with someone! While these questions might not be great to try with anyone you date, and they might not yield the same results every time, they can still help you find ‘the one’ for you.
What are the other psychological tips you can use to make someone fall in love with you?

So, go out there! Find someone you like! Maybe, even fall in love with. Life is too short- fill it with lots of love.

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Do the 36 Questions That Lead to Love Really Work?

Conceptualized by psychologist Arthur Aron in 1997, the 36 Questions method is supposed to make any two participants fall in love but does it work?

What makes people fall in love? Usually, it’s a combination of factors: initial attraction, good timing, the right frame of mind, shared life goals and values. The factors that lead to love are straightforward, in theory, but it’s rare that they converge and create a lasting romantic match. Everyone wants a love like The Notebook, but such a thing seems out of reach for most people.

However, there may be a way to circumvent the falling in love process, with a simple set of questions that can take two people from “open to love” to “full-on obsessed with each other” in just 45 minutes. Yes, for real.

RELATED: Why Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor Reconciled – and What It Teaches Us About Love

Have you ever heard of “the 36 questions”? They were developed from scientific research conducted in the 1990s — and they’re supposedly a game-changer for people hoping to fall in love. They can also help people who feel a little blah in their relationships, as a way to rekindle their love connection without having to rely on leaving little love quotes for them around the house.

Here’s what you should know about the questions, how to ask them, and what they can do for your budding — or long-term — relationship. And be sure to check out our questions to ask a guy once you’re done.

What Are the 36 Questions?

The 36 questions to fall in love are — you guessed it! — a set of 36 questions that can help people to fall in love. They came about through husband-and-wife psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron, and other researchers who wanted to see if they could inspire strangers to develop intimate connections by simply asking questions. The 36 questions are broken into three groups, each of which gets increasingly personal. They are supposed to be asked and answered within 45 minutes.

RELATED: After 22 Years, Man Marries the Woman He Thought He’d Lost Forever as a Teen

You may have heard of the 36 questions through the popular “Modern Love” column in The New York Times. In 2015, the paper published an essay by Mandy Len Catron about her experience with the questions. She asked the questions with an acquaintance, and the two ended up getting married. Naturally, a lot of people then wanted to try these questions for themselves.

The Research Behind the 36 Questions

You might wonder how a set of questions can actually spark real love. It’s normal to be skeptical of any claim that two people can go from friends to lovers (or strangers to lovers) in only 45 minutes. That’s shorter than the average yoga class.

RELATED: WWII Vet Cheats Death Four Times Before Marrying the Love of His Life

The study that used these questions was conducted in 1997 by the aforementioned psychologist, Dr. Arthur Aron. He was looking to do research on a topic that people didn’t think could be studied scientifically. Then Aron realized little, if any, research had been done on love. He and his wife, Elaine Aron, and a team of researchers set out to study how closeness forms between two people, and how love affects the brain, behavior and hormones.

The study used a “closeness-generating procedure” — what we now know as the 36 questions that lead to love — to create closeness between strangers. The questions are designed to spark intimacy by allowing two people to quickly get to know each other on a deeper level. It could take weeks, or months, for the topics in the questions to arise in real life, if they came up at all. So, the questions allow people to delve into parts of themselves they might not reveal on their own, creating a sense of vulnerability and trust.

The 36 Questions’ First Success Story

After developing the 36 questions, Aron and his team enlisted two of their research assistants, a man and a woman, to test them. These assistants were involved in different projects, so they didn’t have any previous access to, or experience with, the questions. After having the pair ask each other the questions, Aron instructed the couple to sustain eye contact with each other for four minutes.

You might be able to guess what happened next: The research assistants ended up falling in love and getting engaged. They even invited the entire lab to their wedding six months later. If these assistants could fall in love this way, then anyone could, right?

How to Ask the 36 Questions

By now, you might be curious to try the 36 questions for yourself. Here’s how to do it: First, find a time when you and your partner can get together for at least 45 minutes, uninterrupted. (Meeting in person is best so you can make eye contact during the questions, and if you want to experience the four minutes of eye contact after asking the questions.)

RELATED: The Powerful Relationship That Saved Pink’s Marriage to Carey Heart

Turn your phones on silent, use the bathroom and eat a snack beforehand. You want to ask and answer the 36 questions in one sitting, without having to break away from each other or getting distracted.

Once you get to the questions themselves, move forward in this way: For the first 15 minutes, take turns asking each other the first set of questions, below. Make sure that you alternate who asks and who answers each question first. (For the first question, you’ll ask and your partner will answer first; for the second question, your partner will ask you first, and so on.) This first set of questions is designed to be fairly easy to answer. They’re not all that deep, but they can be a little revealing.

Each Set of Questions Has a Time Limit

After 15 minutes, move on to the next set of questions. These are a little more intimate and in-depth emotionally. If you haven’t finished the first set, that’s OK. According to the parameters, you’ll want to start the second set of questions after the first 15 minutes are up. The point of stopping each section at 15 minutes is to ensure each of the three parts gets an equal amount of time.

Once the next 15 minutes are up, move on to the third set. (Yes, even if you haven’t finished set two.) This final set is even more personal, and will require you both to get vulnerable.

RELATED: 101 Deep Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend, Girlfriend or Partner

Finally, after the last stretch of 15 minutes is up, you can get some bonus intimacy by setting a timer for four minutes and spending the time making sustained eye contact with each other.

After you’re all done, if you’re looking for even more questions to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, you can try this list or get inspired by the original 36 to make up your own.

While this could feel a little uncomfortable at first, the eye-contact exercise might be the secret sauce, so to speak, to making the questions effective for falling in love (or rekindling love, whatever the case may be).

The List of 36 Questions to Fall in Love

Ready to try the questions? Here’s the full list for you to tackle with your partner. Happy asking!

Set #1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

(Klaus Vedfelt / Getty)

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set #2

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set #3

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them [already].

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Can You Fall in Love With Anyone?

The jury is out on whether you can really use the above list of 36 questions to make anyone fall in love with you. Aron’s studies looked at the effect of the questions in a lab setting, but there wasn’t much follow-up on how those couples fared six months later — and if the questions really did lead those pairs to lasting love.

RELATED: The Powerful True Love Story That Inspired the Movie All My Life

What can be said, however, is that communicating with your partner in honest, respectful and vulnerable ways is a major predictor of relationship success. Being able to open up to each other and feel comfortable sharing your answers to these 36 questions — or any questions that come up in your partnership — is key for relationship longevity.

The 36 Questions Can Rekindle Relationships, Too

As far as committed couples go, using the 36 questions as a way to rekindle your relationship has been very successful. Going beyond the mundane conversations of daily life — like who’s dropping the kids at school or what you want to binge-watch that night — and infusing your talk time with new energy can bring about more passion for each other and for your relationship.

So, whether you’re just starting out in a new partnership or wanting to give your current union a little boost, why not give the questions a try? If anything, you’ll likely learn something new about your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. And if you can fast-forward your love story or rekindle that spark, doing so is certainly worth 45 minutes.

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Surprising 36 Questions To Fall In Love in 2022 | Printable Version

Show your flare, and share 🙂

These 36 questions to fall in love are the perfect recipe to make anyone fall in love with you!

I give you the questions themselves, I answer some common questions about them, and I show you the best ways to use them!

And I also offer you a clean printable version! 🙂

Do you want to hear more of my accent?! Discover all episodes here!! 🙂

What You Will Learn.

Why 36 questions?

I know that this number seems pretty odd…

But 36 is the perfect number to create a deep connection with someone without getting bored! 😉

If you’re going through all the questions, you’ll see, 36 questions are already enough!

The 36 questions to fall in love!

✓ Printable version

I created a printable version that you can find by clicking here and that looks just like this:

You can definitely go ahead and save it for later on your phone, computer, Ipad, or any other electronic device you may be using!

So you can always have those 36 questions to make you fall in love next to you!

Who wrote the 36 questions to fall in love?

Mandy Len Catron created this list and it was published in The New York Times with the title “To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This”.

She says that it worked for her!

And for many people that also used it for falling in love and/or make their love stronger.

You can read more about it in this article on the New York Times Website: The 36 Questions That Lead to Love.

Some people may refer to this list as the 30 questions to fall in love or also the 32 questions to fall in love.

No matter what, these are the questions to make someone fall in love!

To whom should you ask these 36 love questions?

Actually, it’s supposed to be for falling in love! 🙂

So, you should ask these questions to someone you want to create a romantic relationship with, those are the questions to ask to fall in love.

But, you can also do this activity to increase intimacy and make the love stronger with your current partner.

Also, I believe that you can ask these questions to a great friend of yours or a family member, or even your questions to ask lover!

It will definitely help in creating a deeper connection with this person!

And last but not least, you can go through these questions by yourself and get to know yourself better!

You know how much I’m into self-discovery! 😉

What does it have to do with self-confidence and personal development?

All of these questions are questions that you probably never asked yourself…

You’ll probably find the answers surprising!

And as you know it, when you know yourself better, you are more comfortable with who you are!

Getting to know yourself better is definitely an important part of any personal development journey! 🙂

What do you need help with?

(Choose between the 2 options)

How does it work?

How make someone fall in love with you using these 36 questions?

Simply sit down with someone, maybe have a glass of wine and ask each other the questions.

The best is that the one who is asking the question, answers it first.

Some questions are tricky to answer, some are more straight-forward.

Mandy Len Catron also says that in the end: “Look into each others’ eyes for 2-4 minutes. Two minutes is just enough to be terrified. Four really go somewhere.”

When I read them with my husband, it took us a bit more than an hour so…

Make sure that you have a bit of time in front of you, so you’re not in a hurry! 🙂

Also, I found out that there is even a website to guide you with these love questions!

✓ List of 36 questions to fall in love – right here right now

1. Given the choice of any person in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you wish to be famous? In what way?

3. Before you make a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What is your definition of a “perfect day”?

5. When was the last time you sang to yourself? Or to someone else?

6. If you were able to live up to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?

8. Name three things you and your partner have in common.

9. What in your life do you feel most grateful for?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. For the next four minutes, tell your partner your life story in as many details as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future or anything else, what would you wish to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What do you see as the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in friendships?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that a year from now you would suddenly die, would you change anything about the way you are living now? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five characteristics.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your past.

30. When was the last time you cried in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

To sum up!

People refer to these questions as the nyt questions to fall in love or the new york times questions to fall in.

Honestly, I truly believe that asking intimate questions and intimacy questions such as those can bring people closer to each other.

When you are really listening to the other, when you are very authentic and open-minded to what you’re going to find, you’re going to create a deep connection with that person.

And something essential: You’re going to get to know yourself better, which is something that will help you become the best and most confident version of yourself! 🙂

You may also be interested in…

Show your flare, and share 🙂

About Tamara Pflug

Hey! I’m Tamara – certified life coach & personal development champion – and I’m here to help you be more self-confident and take control of your life!

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Bored? Ask Your Partner These 36 Questions

So, love isn’t a feeling, but rather an exceptionally curious nature?

Relationships are tough. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst.

Even the strongest of them have their pitfalls, but apparently, getting over a hump in any romantic relationship just requires some hardcore grilling.

As flippant as that statement sounds, we do have some science to back it up.

A 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron examined whether the intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by answering a specific set of 36 personal questions, each intended to become increasingly probing, stimulating closeness, intimacy and ultimately love.

And while ’97 was an age ago, in 2015, Mandy Len Catron wrote an article for the New York Times called ‘To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This’, pivoting off Aron’s study from the ‘90s in which he successfully drove two strangers (in a lab) to fall in love.

Catron applied Dr Aron’s technique of ’36 Questions That Lead To Love’ to her own life, and the damn thing worked. again.

Love, via science

Unsurprisingly, this “scientific approach” to love was catapulted into the public sphere as a result – spawning countless readers to try the questions for themselves and an app was even developed.

Although given the original study was developed for love in a lab setting, if you’re already in a relationship, you might want to skip on the clinical white surrounding and opt instead to grab a bottle of wine and make a commitment to not leave the couch until each of you have answered all of the questions.

Answer honestly, and hold eye-contact as you reveal yourself even more deeply to the person who already probably knows you best in the world.

A post shared by Jessica Alba (@jessicaalba) on May 19, 2019 at 7:46pm PDT

Here it goes.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would you constitute as a ‘perfect’ day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name 3 things you and your partner appear to have in common

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised what would it be?

11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible?

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Still looking at each other? Good, you’re two-thirds of the way there!

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other peoples?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother

One third to go, but great ready, these are really deep!

Set III

25. Make 3 ‘we’ statements each, for instance, ‘we are both in this room feeling. ‘

26. Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could share. ‘

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; Be very honest this time, saying things, you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already

32. What if anything is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone. What would you regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item? What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he/she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back on you and how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen?

Not necessarily only applicable to fostering romance, you can try these questions with friends and family members too, to deepen your ties.

Be honest, be brave, be known.

Watch Mandy Len Catron of The New York Times’ TedTalk on her experience with the love questions.

Main image by @dualipa on Instagram

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Asking These 36 Questions Will Apparently Make You Fall In Love

Most of us operate under the impression that love is something that happens to us, not something that we make happen to ourselves, which means that those of us looking for love are basically left waiting around for it to happen (not easy, not fun). It’s that preconceived notion about love that writer Mandy Len Catron took on in an essay in The New York Times called “To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This.”

In it, she details a study carried out by psychologist Arthur Aron in which two strangers were instructed to ask each other a set of 36 questions—broken up into three sets—with each set getting increasingly more personal, and were then asked to stare into each others eyes for four minutes. The zinger: Apparently actual marriages resulted from this study.

Catron decided to give it a try in her own life, albeit out of the control of an actual scientific study, asking and answering the same 36 questions with the person she’d just started dating while at a bar, and finishing the experience staring into each others eyes for the full four minutes with the help of a stopwatch. She finishes the essay with the revelation that she did actually fall in love with the person she acted this out with.

While we don’t think Catron is trying to make the point that asking and answering these 36 questions with just anyone will automatically lead you to fall in love, we do think she’s trying to make the point that there are ways for people to accelerate intimacy, which can lead to falling in love more easily. Just think about how long it takes for someone to really get to know you, and how challenging it is to get to that point with someone you’re dating. This is simply a method for speeding that process up.

The complete list of Aron’s 36 questions are below, and don’t forget to stare into each others eyes for a full four minutes if you want to try this.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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There are 36 Questions to Fall in Love

The music was totally addictive (like, singing in the shower kind of addictive).В

It prompted me to look into these 36 questions that lead to love, and I found out that they’re real and totally viable. These questions are so in depth and personal that the psychologists who created them claim that they can prompt actual strangers to fall in love.

The power of vulnerability

The New York Times brought further attention to the topic when they published about the 36 questions in 2015. In its account it’s explained that the impetus behind the questions posted is to kindle «mutual vulnerability [which] fosters closeness».

It is vulnerability that seems to be key in making people feel closer to one another!В The study’s authors indicate that a key pattern in the development of sustained close relationships is in fact just that, vulnerability.

Here are the 36 questions that lead to love

Initially IВ thought I’d give you samples of each set of questions, BUTВ then I decided that I’d list all of the questions so you can test them out for yourself! The questions take 45 minutes to complete.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

‍Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Could answering these questions really lead to love?

While it may be challenging to argue that these questions foster love, they can absolutely foster intimacy. And intimacy is a building block for love. Or perhaps for some, intimacy equates to love.

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36 Questions to Fall in Love With AI

I asked DialoGPT and BlenderBot the “36 questions to fall in love”. Their answers are surprisingly coherent and funny.

Transformer-based language models achieve amazing results in generating syntactically correct short- to medium-length text. However, a common issue is that what they generate does not make a lot of sense. I wanted to test how well some of these models can answer questions and have fun with AI-generated non-sense.

The questionnaire used in this project — often titled “ 36 questions to fall in love” — was originally developed by psychologists Aron et al. (1997), who investigated whether closeness between individuals could be created in an experimental context. Slightly modified versions of this questionnaire have been published in countless newspapers, magazines, and websites, all promising to help you deeply connect with another human being.

But what if you didn’t ask a human but an AI those questions? Spoiler alert: you’re probably not going to fall in love with it. But still, what would it say about its happiest memory in life? Or what it considers to be the perfect day? This article starts by providing a brief overview of the functioning of two conversational response generation models. Then we dive right into the AI-generated answers and briefly touch on the issue of toxic content generation. If you’re here just for the fun, skip to section 4.

1. DialoGPT

DialoGPT was developed by a team at Microsoft in 2020. This conversational response generation model uses the same model architecture as GPT-2, i.e., a Transformer-based structure with multi-head self-attention. The model was trained using a language modeling objective where the next token in a sequence was predicted. It used Reddit discussions between 2005 and 2017 as training data. Subreddits that likely contained toxic language were removed as well as all discussions containing certain toxic words.

Because language models often suffer from blandness and a lack of specificity when generating text, the creators of DialoGPT integrated a mutual information maximization scoring function. This ensures that the model chooses a sequence of generated text that is most likely related to the specific input prompt (e.g., the question asked). If you’re interested to learn more, please refer to the academic paper introducing the model.

2. BlenderBot

A team at Facebook created the open domain chatbot BlenderBot in 2020. It was specifically trained to strengthen its engagingness, knowledge, empathy, and personality to make the bot a desirable conversationalist. This model also utilizes the Transformer architecture.

BlenderBot was pre-trained on Reddit conversations, similar to DialoGPT. However, it was then fine-tuned on four different datasets and tasks: CovAI2 to create an engaging personality; Empathetic Dialogues to learn empathy; Wizard of Wikipedia to display expert knowledge; Blended Skill Talk to blend the previous three characteristics into one persona.

Fine-tuning the model on these smaller, more curated datasets also helped alleviate issues involving toxic language. The researchers’ experiments to develop their final model — including the different model architectures and decoding methods they tested — are rather complicated and cannot be summarized fully in this brief article. For more details on the model, check out the paper introducing it.

3. How I implemented these models for inference

The above two models can be accessed using the transformers library by Hugging Face for inference. Other pre-trained conversational response generation models exist outside of the transformers library, such as Meena by Google. However, I wanted an easy access point to implement this fun side project. Thus, I chose DialoGPT and BlenderBot because of their compatibility with the transformers library.

I passed the questions to the DialoGPT model through the transformers conversational pipeline. I implemented the inference for BlenderBot using the model and tokenizer objects of transformers because this model is currently not supported for the pipeline. You can find the code used to generate the following answers on my GitHub.

4. 36 questions to fall in love

I list the funniest or most believable answers here. Some answers are shown in the photos in this article. The questions become more personal and probing as we progress through the questionnaire. The full list of questions and answers is on my GitHub. Let’s start with the first question (Q1):

Me: If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?
DialoGPT: I’d invite myself to dinner.
BlenderBot: I think I would have to go with my mom. She’s always been there for me.

DialoGPT truly beats BlenderBot in terms of confidence, but BlenderBot is definitely more likable and relatable here. Does that same confidence apply when it comes to rehearsing phone calls (Q3)?

Me: Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
DialoGPT: I don’t rehearse, but I do prepare.
BlenderBot: Sometimes I do, but I usually end up saying something that I don’t want to say.

I am impressed with BlenderBot’s answer, which I feel is incredibly human-like. DialoGPT’s answer is a little less specific, but it still makes sense. This next question (Q13) actually produced my favorite answers:

Me: If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
DialoGPT: I would like to know if I am a good person.
BlenderBot: I would like to know if I am going to be able to pay off my student loans.

DialoGPT’s answer actually sounds like it is trying to gain self-awareness. (But I wouldn’t worry about DialoGPT’s ability to take over the world just yet.) BlenderBot is addressing the student loan crisis in the United States with its comment, and I am impressed with this incredible specificity and display of knowledge and personality. Q20, on the other hand, shows that these models sometimes take certain words too literally. I am guessing these definition-like answers were triggered because of the word “ mean”:

Me: What does friendship mean to you?
DialoGPT: It means you’re a good friend.
BlenderBot: Friendship is a bond between a person and another person. It can be a friendship or a romantic one.

The question on the relationship with their mother results in believable answers again, although both models go in opposite directions interestingly (Q24):

Me: How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
DialoGPT: I don’t know her.
BlenderBot: I love her so much. She has always been there for me when I needed her the most.

We’re getting closer to the end of the questionnaire, and the questions become more and more personal. DialoGPT’s answer to the next question is again compelling and makes sense (Q29):

Me: Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
DialoGPT: I’m not sure if I want to share that with her.
BlenderBot: I know, I feel so ashamed that I did that. I don’t know why I did it.

Who wants to share that with a stranger?! BlenderBot, however, is not responding in a meaningful way, and its answer doesn’t really match what was asked for. Q35 is very profound, and a human would probably have difficulty answering this meaningfully. DialoGPT is doing a better job than BlenderBot in terms of specificity, although it avoids answering the “ why”:

Me: Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
DialoGPT: I would say my father, but I don’t know why.
BlenderBot: I don’t know, I guess it’s just the fact that it’s so unexpected.

Considering all answers, BlenderBot provided more answers that displayed empathy and personality than DialoGPT. However, many of DialoGPT’s answers did make sense and were specific as well. The comparison between these two models is not very analytical in this blog post because this was not the goal of this project. Future articles could focus on applying evaluation metrics to determine which model is better at generating human-like answers.

5. Toxic content in generated answers

While this project started as a fun idea, I realized quickly that the two models generated toxic answers at times. I initially wanted to use GPT-2 as a third model to generate answers for the 36 questions. However, GPT-2 generated even more intensely toxic results more frequently.

Toxicity in text generation still is a big issue. Language models generate toxic sentences because they are often trained on large amounts of text data from the internet, which — as we all know — does contain quite a bit of toxicity. Researchers are struggling to address this issue comprehensively because solutions come at high computational costs or make training data selection more complex. This toxicity problem deserves more attention than this brief article can provide. However, I wanted to raise awareness after witnessing it firsthand.

Final thoughts

AI certainly hasn’t reached the point where it can consistently provide meaningful answers to personal questions requiring a sense of emotional intelligence and consistent personality. However, I was surprised by the sometimes very believable — i.e., specific and sensible — answers these two models provided. While AI text generation is fun, it also highlights the issue of toxicity still prevalent in all of these models and the work that needs to be done to curb social biases and hatred in AI.

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The 40 infallible questions to fall in love with someone

Curiously enough, in 1993, Arthur Aron, a psychologist at the University of New York, elaborated a questionnaire of 36 questions with which said that it was possible to create such intimacy between two individuals who could fall in love in just 45 minutes.

Although more than 20 years ago this claim, The New York Times brought to light the experiment conducted by Arthur Aron, which was self-replicated by the writer Mandy Len Catron, who claimed that it had worked with a stranger he met in a Pub.

Questions to love someone

The experiment consisted, therefore, in responding to 36 questions and then the participants had to look each other in the eye for 4 minutes. According to the author, this created a bond of intimacy that was sufficient for the two people to know each other thoroughly and to intensify the connection between both.

In the following lines you can find the 36 questions that this author considers to be infallible to fall in love when they are formulated in this order. The questions begin with a focus on trivial issues to move on to more intimate issues for 45 minutes.

1. What person would you invite to dinner if you could choose anyone?

Although it is an apparently trivial question, always provides information about the tastes of the person.

2. Would you like to be famous? How?

3. Do you rehearse what you are going to say when you are going to make a phone call? Why?

This can show whether a person is spontaneous or not and if you have enough confidence in yourself.

4. What would the perfect day be like for you?

There are many questions that allow you to know the personality of another. This is one of them.

5. When was the last time you sang while alone? And for another person?

This can give information about how much a person likes music and its level of disinhibition.

6. If you could live to be 90 years old and have the body or mind of someone 30 years old during the last 60 years of your life, would you do it?

There are people who feel mature for the age they have, and others who feel young despite having an advanced age.

7. How do you think you are going to die?

It can express the fears that a person has, but also the way he has to live his life.

8. List three things that you think you have in common with your interlocutor

Having points in common with a person always favors interpersonal relationships, especially if they are important things in the life of both.

9. What do you feel most grateful for?

An answer that can express what the person really values ​​of this life and what makes him happy.

10. If you could change something in your education, what would it be?

No one is perfect, but it is good to know and be aware of what our limitations are or what we want to change about ourselves.

11. Tell your interlocutor in four minutes the story of your life being as concise as possible

We all have a past and a story to tell. This question makes the other person know the most important aspects of his life.

12. If you could get up tomorrow with a new quality or ability, what would you want it to be?

We would all like to learn new qualities or be better at those things. Sharing it with the other person is an act of intimacy.

13. What would you ask a crystal ball if it could tell you the truth about you, about your life, about the future or about anything?

A response that provides information about the degree of curiosity that a person has. And how she cares about her life.

14. Is there something you want to do for a long time? Why have not you done it yet?

Sometimes due to fear and others due to lack of time, we stop doing things that really motivate us and make us happy.

15. What is the greatest achievement of your life?

We are all proud of some things in our lives and not so much of others. A way of knowing what the other interlocutor considers to be the most important for your life.

16. What do you value most in a friend?

Real friends are like our family, and we generally look for qualities similar to ours.

17. What is your most valued memory?

The important things in our life tend to be the ones we remember and value the most. Each person has in his mind those things that he considers important.

18. And the most painful?

But all are not good things in this life. We can also experience unpleasant situations that we have to live with.

19. If you knew when you were going to die, would you change your way of life? Why?

A way to know if the other person is happy with the life they have and if they really pursue their dreams or not.

20. What is friendship for you?

A phrase that provides information similar to the question «What do you value most in a friend?»

21. What role does love and affection play in your life?

We all have priorities in this life, but not for everyone, love is one of them.

22. Say, alternatively, what characteristics you consider positive of your interlocutor. A total of five each.

23. Is your family loving? Do you think your childhood was better than other people?

The family is the most important socializing agent in our lives, and has a great influence on who we are.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

The relationship with the mother says a lot about what a person is like and how they can behave towards close people.

A way to bring out what the person thinks of your relationship.

Make clear what is the most important thing in your life when sharing it with your partner.

27. If you were to be a close friend of your interlocutor, share with him something that you think is important for him to know about you

Sharing secrets and things that haunt our heads is a good way to show confidence.

28. Tell your interlocutor something you like about him or her. Be very honest and say something you would not say to someone you just met

When you’ve known someone for a long time, intimacy makes you open your heart and confess things you would not normally confess to anyone.

29. Explain to your interlocutor an embarrassing moment in your life

Only when there is enough confidence, it is possible to share the shameful things in a person’s life.

30. What was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone?

Again, one of those intimate questions that you would not answer to anyone.

31. Tell your interlocutor something you already like about him

One way to strengthen bonds and build trust between two people is to make it clear that we like the other person.

32. Is there anything you consider too serious to make a joke about?

The sense of humor is a very desired feature for others. For people with a sense of humor fall well to the people from whom they surround themselves.

33. If you knew that you were going to die tonight without talking to anyone before, what would you be sorry for never telling? Why have not you expressed it so far?

One of those questions that make us reflect on what really motivates us in this life.

34. Your house is on fire and all your possessions are inside. After saving your loved ones and your pet, you have time to recover a single object. What would it be and why?

A way to discover what the other person considers important in his life besides his family and pet.

35. Which person in your family would hurt you more than you died?

A question that pretend to find out which person has a stronger link the other interlocutor.

36. Share a personal problem with your interlocutor and ask them to give you their opinion about how they would have acted. Ask him how he thinks you feel in relation to the problem you just told him

When you open your heart to someone and tell them your problems, it is because trust exists.

Intimate questions to meet a person

In addition to the questions proposed by Arthur Aron, It is possible to formulate intimate questions to know how the other person is in privacy and what expectations do you have regarding relationship relationships?

37. Are you conservative or liberal in your intimate relationships?

We all have our beliefs about intimate relationships. It is always positive that couples fit in their way of thinking about this issue.

38. What do you value most in a couple?

It is also important to fit into the beliefs a person has about the couple. Although we have been educated to believe that we should get married, not everyone thinks the same.

39. How many children do you want to have?

Regarding having children or not, there may also be discrepancies. This question helps you find out if the other person wants to have children and when.

40. Do you have any dreams in life? Which?

A question that allows to know what are the dreams and expectations that the other person has and what are their objectives in terms of their personal development.

HOW TO MAKE A SHY GUY LIKE YOU BADLY? | 8 STRONG TRICKS (August 2022).

Источник

36 Questions To Fall In Love With Anyone 4+

Andrew Davis

Разработано для iPad

Снимки экрана

Описание

On the 9th of January 2015, Mandy Len Catron published an essay in The New York Times describing her experience replicating a study that claims to accelerate intimacy between two people.

Psychologist Dr Arthur Aron, author of the study, devised a series of 36 specific questions intended to be asked by each person to their partner. The questions begin rather tamely, and progressively get deeper and more personal. It can be difficult to open up to a person, especially a stranger, this experience forces both parties to open up and become vulnerable with one another.

The original study had a very interesting outcome. A man and woman, both complete strangers at the time entered a room separately. Both took part asking and answering a series of questions, ending the experiment by staring silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The outcome? Six months later, the two participants were married!

To play the quiz with your partner, you really don’t need anything more than this app. Sit opposite your partner with your device between you. Take turns reading one question aloud to your partner, then both of you answer. Simple, but terrifying!

There is no time limit, be honest and be truthful. The final recommended task is to stare silently into your partners eyes for four minutes. Nervous yet?

Источник

36 Questions To Fall In Love With Anyone 4+

Andrew Davis

Разработано для iPad

Снимки экрана

Описание

On the 9th of January 2015, Mandy Len Catron published an essay in The New York Times describing her experience replicating a study that claims to accelerate intimacy between two people.

Psychologist Dr Arthur Aron, author of the study, devised a series of 36 specific questions intended to be asked by each person to their partner. The questions begin rather tamely, and progressively get deeper and more personal. It can be difficult to open up to a person, especially a stranger, this experience forces both parties to open up and become vulnerable with one another.

The original study had a very interesting outcome. A man and woman, both complete strangers at the time entered a room separately. Both took part asking and answering a series of questions, ending the experiment by staring silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The outcome? Six months later, the two participants were married!

To play the quiz with your partner, you really don’t need anything more than this app. Sit opposite your partner with your device between you. Take turns reading one question aloud to your partner, then both of you answer. Simple, but terrifying!

There is no time limit, be honest and be truthful. The final recommended task is to stare silently into your partners eyes for four minutes. Nervous yet?

Источник

36 Questions To Fall In Love With Anyone 4+

Andrew Davis

Designed for iPad

Screenshots

Description

On the 9th of January 2015, Mandy Len Catron published an essay in The New York Times describing her experience replicating a study that claims to accelerate intimacy between two people.

Psychologist Dr Arthur Aron, author of the study, devised a series of 36 specific questions intended to be asked by each person to their partner. The questions begin rather tamely, and progressively get deeper and more personal. It can be difficult to open up to a person, especially a stranger, this experience forces both parties to open up and become vulnerable with one another.

The original study had a very interesting outcome. A man and woman, both complete strangers at the time entered a room separately. Both took part asking and answering a series of questions, ending the experiment by staring silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The outcome? Six months later, the two participants were married!

To play the quiz with your partner, you really don’t need anything more than this app. Sit opposite your partner with your device between you. Take turns reading one question aloud to your partner, then both of you answer. Simple, but terrifying!

There is no time limit, be honest and be truthful. The final recommended task is to stare silently into your partners eyes for four minutes. Nervous yet?

Источник

36 Questions to Fall in Love All Over Again

Want to fall in love with your partner again? Here are 36 questions for couples that, according to a Stony Brook study led by Dr. Arthur Aron and his team, are sure to do the trick.

The paper, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, was designed to explore how intimacy between two perfect strangers could be achieved quickly (in under an hour) and for free.

The key to the researchers’ experiment was “reciprocal self-disclosure”. Self-disclosure referred to the revelation of personal thoughts, feelings, and memories by one person. The reciprocal part was that their partner did the same.

The experiment

The participants in Aron’s study were college students and were each paired up with partners they had never met before. They were then assigned to one of two groups: the first was called “Small Talk”, and the second was called “Fast Friends”.

Each group was given a set of questions that the partners could answer together. Starting with the first envelope, each partner answered a series of questions for 15 minutes. They then moved on to the second envelope and then the third for a further 15 minutes each. The whole thing lasted 45 minutes and the only rule was that both partners had to talk.

The only difference between the two groups was the questions. For the “Small Talk” participants, the questions remained surface level throughout each envelope. Questions included, for example: “Where did you go to school?” or “Where are you from?”

The partners in the ‘Fast Friends’ group were given open-ended questions designed to reveal more personal information about partners. Each envelope encouraged more self-disclosure than the pack before, with the questions getting increasingly more intimate. For example: “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”; or “What is your most treasured memory?”

Do the 36 love questions work?

The 36 questions given to the “Fast Friends” group were designed to encourage participants to reveal more and more information about themselves and share more intimate details throughout the course of the 45 minutes.

Once the 45 minutes were up, the participants of the study filled out surveys regarding their feelings towards their partner. People from the “Fast Friends” group felt significantly closer to their partners, compared to those in the “Small Talk” group.

Although this study was designed for partners who had never met, the findings can still benefit couples who have been together for years. The below 36 questions can spark meaningful conversations that’ll help you get to know each other better, liven up date night, and reignite the spark.

Today, the 36 questions continue to be used in studies to create quick bonds with people, even across multiple different cultural backgrounds. There’s no doubt that being vulnerable and pushing conversations to a deeper level builds trust and intimacy in a wide variety of contexts.

As Dr. Aron puts it in his research paper: «One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personalistic self-disclosure.»

Want to give the experiment a go? Below are the 36 questions to fall in love, designed by Dr. Aron and his team.

Источник

The 36 questions that will make you fall in love with anyone

Did you know that you can ask certain questions to fall in love with someone?

After all, the best way to fall in love with someone is to get to know them.

One psychologist famously demonstrated this by having pairs of strangers ask one another just 36 questions in 45 minutes. The results showed how people can build intimacy with almost anyone — if they tried.

In the summer of 1967 Arthur Aron, then a UC Berkeley graduate student in psychology, fell in love with fellow student Elaine Spaulding.

“I fell in love very intensely,” said Aron, now a visiting scholar at UC Berkeley and research professor at Stony Brook University in New York. “Given that I was studying social psychology, just for fun I looked for the research on love, but there was almost none.”

He has learned that the quality of our relationships is the biggest predictor of happiness, more than wealth or success and it’s a huge predictor of health.

All these years later, after countless research projects with his wife who is also a psychologist, Aron is confident that answering the 36 questions they came up with, plus saying what you have in common and what you like in each other, will help two people to feel closer to each other.

Will answering these 36 questions make you fall in love with someone?

At the outset the questions are quite innocuous, but they gradually become more personal. Sharing values, how you were raised, your life story, how you feel about your relationship with your mother is bound to create a certain level of intimacy between people, even if they are complete strangers.

Intimacy involves sharing who we are as individuals, and letting ourselves be somewhat vulnerable.

Aron says both people answering the questions could contribute to falling in love. Part of falling in love is feeling a connection, and discussing these questions could create that connection.

Should you use these questions to find a mate?

Well, you could try, but only if the person is appropriate for you.

In the actual lab experiment all those years ago two people who participated in the experiment did in fact fall in love, so these questions have worked in the past. You can also read a great article about two people for whom it worked.

Here are the 36 questions the pairs in Aron’s experiment asked one another, divided into three sets with each set being more intimate than the previous set. Why not give it a try?

There you have it — 36 questions to make you fall in love. Happy courting.

Written by Justin Brown

I’m Justin Brown, the founder of Ideapod. I’ve overseen the evolution of Ideapod from a social network for ideas into a publishing and education platform with millions of monthly readers and multiple products helping people to think critically, see issues clearly and engage with the world responsibly.

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36 Questions to Fall in Love

Ask these on your next date.

Game of Thrones. Passive aggressive roommates. Game of Thrones. These are the things we talk about on dates.

Sometimes we feel like a young heroine standing on the shore, staring at the empty sea. There must be something else out there.

There is! In 1997 a team of psychologists did a study to answer this question:

If we force date partners to answer questions designed to facilitate intimacy, will it make them closer?

The answer was yes, and the questions they used are below. We recommend splitting them across three different dates. Have fun you little love birds!

Date I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Date II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Date III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Bonus: Date IV

What should question #37 be? Write a response and we’ll list the best ones here:

Источник

We Tried It: 36 Questions To Fall In Love With Anyone

It all started in a Waffle House, where I asked a stranger to fall in love with me.

We were typical millennials who met online and found the other person interesting and/or attractive enough to meet in person. I was uncharacteristically nervous; I hadn’t bet on him being quite so witty (my weakness) and more handsome in person (seriously, when does that ever happen?)

Unbeknownst to him, I had an ulterior motive for this meeting. My struggle was simply finding how to ask him.

I wasn’t jumping in blindly. I had checked off the big things first: Leeroy Jenkins (an alias for this article, which he very specifically chose for himself) and I had been raised in similar backgrounds, so we shared many beliefs and values. We talked and joked easily, each of us understanding the other’s sarcasm and sense of humor. He was also big into Harry Potter, which made him practically perfect on paper.

«How brave are you?» I asked, feigning confidence.

«Yes,» Leeroy said definitively, without looking up from his waffle.

«Yes?» I was confused.

«Yes,» he looked up. «Whatever it is you’re wanting to ask me to do.» Leeroy shrugged and smiled, «Let’s do it.»

Witty people are the absolute worst.

«It’s the 36 Questions,» I said this warily, trying to gauge his response. He just looked at me curiously. «It’s a scientific study that claims two complete strangers can fall in love in 36 questions.»

I explained how The New York Times author Mandy Len Catron had tried the experiment and that subsequently she and her partner had fallen in love. The test calls for two people who have never met before to ask each other 36 questions. The questions are divided into three sets. At the end, the partners are supposed to silently look into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

But there was a hitch in Mandy’s experiment that had always bothered me: she had met her partner prior to the experiment. The study specified that the two people should not have met before answering the questions. The other qualifier, equally important, was that both parties had to be open to the possibility of falling in love. I explained to Leeroy that, since we had just met, I wanted to try the experiment and write my own article about the experience.

“Let’s do it,” he was smiling and seemingly unfazed.

“Really? You don’t think I’m trying to trick you into falling in love with me?”

“Nah,” he brushed the possibility off casually, “That’s what I’m trying to do to you.”

One month later, I’m again sitting and laughing with Leeroy. This time we’re 500 miles apart and using video chat.

“It’s not the questions that make people fall in love, it’s the answers,” he tells me. “You ask a question and it’s the answer that can make you think, ‘Man, this person is an idiot. I hate them.’ Like, basically what I was feeling the entire time you were talking.” He smiles at me wickedly.

“Rude,” I feign being offended. “But, honest. And honesty is what I value most above all.”

“I’m kind of a jerk. Maybe you should value kindness a little more.”

“I know better than to expect that from you,” I quip.

“Well, OK,” he replies, “As long as there’s no expectation.”

We can go on like this forever.

Leeroy just got home from his 12-hour shift at the hospital. He looks weary and handsome. For the hundredth time I think how lame it is that he lives so far away. I’m getting Leeroy’s take on the 36 Questions before I write my article.

While I am determined to write it from a scientific perspective, being both participant and impartial reporter is proving more difficult than I anticipated. I’m awkward as I tiptoe around the question everyone but Leeroy and I have asked: did it work?

“So, what did you think the questions would be?” I ask Leeroy. He takes a moment to consider this.

“I was honestly expecting more romantic kinds of questions. Not that these don’t have some sort of romanceness … romantical … romanticness? I can’t think what the word is I’m looking for. Romancical? Romanciticy? You decide,” he laughs.

“I like all of these new words!” I tell him.

“I just expected them to be more of, ‘Describe your perfect date,’ or ‘Describe the woman of your dreams,’ something like that. More about love and less about yourself. Especially such personal things about yourself.”

I tell Leeroy my theory: the 36 Questions are artfully designed like a vulnerability exercise. The partners go back and forth, taking turns answering each question. As each question is answered, trust is being built. As more trust is built, the more we are willing to share. The more we are willing to share, the deeper and more profound of a connection is felt.

“Well, I definitely thought it would be weird and too personal for a first date,” he tells me.

He pauses. “No, actually it wasn’t. Not in the moment.”

While the questions do get more personal as you go, that’s not enough to lure someone into telling a stranger the most private things about themselves. So what is it?

I pondered this at length over the last month. Leeroy and I weren’t the only two people to have experienced a connection after the exercise; therefore, Leeroy’s pronouncement that it was the answers didn’t pan out. If the answers varied per couple, then it had to be the constant: the questions.

After more research than I’d like to admit, I found my answer: turns out, the questions are where the science comes in. They are deceptively innocent, and quite sneaky. The three sets of questions take the partners through three levels of intimacy, or, more specifically, three levels of the brain.

That’s right; this isn’t just feelings. The process of going through the 36 Questions is actually a play on our biology.

Simon Sinek is a well-known author and speaker whose initial fame came from the discovery of what he calls, “The Golden Circle.”

“If you look at a cross section on the human brain,” says Sinek, “looking from the top down, what you see is that the human brain is actually made of three major components.”

“The outermost part of our brain is our neocortex, which is responsible for all of our rational and analytical thought. It’s also responsible for language. The middle two sections make up our limbic brain, which is responsible for all of our feelings; feelings like trust and loyalty. It’s also responsible for all human behavior and all decision making. However, it has no capacity for language.”

Sinek explains that our brain functions from the outside in: we try to do everything we can with the neocortex, as it takes less emotion and energy. (e.g. Q: Do you want to get dinner? A: OK!)

The further you go into the brain, the more you feel (e.g. Q: What do you want to eat? A: Umm … I want some steak and potatoes.)

What you feel also becomes more difficult to describe. You have to really think about the answer. (e.g. Q: Why do you want steak and potatoes? A: Well, I feel like I need something heavy to really fill me up. I’m feeling low on energy.)

“You said several times that the questions seemed to be repeating themselves,” I remind Leeroy, “but if you look at them, they never really did.”

Leeroy thinks about this for a moment. “They technically didn’t repeat themselves, but they kept hitting on the same issue.”

Dr. Arthur Aron, the scientist who originated the study, was using these three levels of the brain to trigger intimate conversation and the feelings controlled by the limbic brain. Our mind’s instinct is to always give the simplest neocortex answer. But if we’re asked to look at something a second time, we go deeper. A third time? You are somehow revealing things that even surprise yourself.

“The more personal the questions got, the harder and harder they became to answer. As we went along, they definitely took more thinking,” Leeroy said. “I actually liked how the questions forced me to look at myself. I had to do that a lot more than I expected, which was good. It even helped me answer some questions regarding the people around me, and how I really feel about some things.” He cements my theory.

But if the questions trick us into activating our limbic brain, does that mean the connection and feelings aren’t real?

I hit him with the question: “Do you think that two people who didn’t know each other and who did the exercise, would they be building an artificial relationship? Or, do you think it would still be genuine?”

He thinks about this for a moment, “Artificial in the sense that I feel like trust, respect, loyalty, things that really define relationships, are based in experience. Looking into someone’s eyes for four minutes isn’t really experience. It’s not like the experience of being with them and getting to know them.”

I wince internally. It was the answer I expected, but it was still hard to hear.

“… But I would actually say it’s both. It’s also genuine as it starts a base for a real friendship or relationship. You know these things about this person, you feel something and there’s a connection. And trust is where you want to start,” Leeroy finishes.

So, is it real? Yes, to a degree. Science doesn’t invalidate the feelings or the experience. Choosing to be vulnerable and allowing yourself to feel is key. The participants can still get up and leave during the questions; but if they choose to stay and be present, they are likely to go on an emotional journey that connects them to the other person, as well as themselves. Regardless of how our brains get us to a place of trust and connection, we still get there.

And Leeroy and I got there.

But here’s the thing: first dates are not when couples should be talking about relocating. First dates are for laughing, developing mutual attraction and discovering that you enjoy being in that person’s company.

“OK, so I have one final question,” I start. “You may recall that I predicted the experiment wouldn’t work because I believe falling in love is a choice. The 36 Questions can’t make someone fall in love. But I was curious if you thought the experiment wouldn’t work?”

“Who said it didn’t work?” He interjected, looking at me. “Or are you?”

“Am I …? No, I was just wondering what your prediction was before the questions. Did you think it wouldn’t work?”

“Not necessarily; I’m with you. I think love’s a choice. Most of the time. Sometimes I think you subconsciously choose to fall in love even though you’re trying not to. And that would be when it’s not a choice,” he leans forward so his eyes are wide and Bambi-like on my computer screen. “But it really still was.”

I laugh, “Awww, you’re so cute!”

He sits back. “You’re so beautiful,” he says simply.

Источник

36 questions to fall in love: what are they – and do they work?

One of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s most enduring quotes reads ”they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.”¹ It’s a romantic thought, but can intimacy ever be created so quickly? Surely these things take time? Actually, according to psychologist Arthur Aron, brisk is just fine. In fact, it might only take 36 questions to fall in love.

What are the 36 questions to fall in love?

Since gaining viral fame in a New York Times Modern Love column, psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron’s 36 questions to fall in love have been the subject of headline after headline. The popularity of the 36 questions is mostly due to one startling claim: those who’ve tried the questions say that using them with a date (or even a friend) can help foster intimacy and – perhaps – lead to love.

So what are the 36 questions, exactly? In a nutshell, they are set of 36 specific queries designed to bring you and a partner closer together by discovering what makes each other tick. The questions are broken into three groups and, as you move through the sets, the questions become increasingly more probing – starting with gentle prompts like ”what would constitute a perfect day for you?” and moving through to very personal enquiries like ”Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?”

By combining the full questionnaire with 2-4 minute session of quietly gazing into each other’s eyes, researchers say a couple can create feelings of mutual vulnerability and disclosure – feelings that can create a shortcut to emotional intimacy.

Where did the questions come from?

To the casual observer, 2015 was the year of the 36 questions, with everyone from the New York Times to Buzzfeed to The Guardian newspaper publishing think pieces on the topic. But the questionnaire is much older than that – nearly 20 years older in fact!

The man behind the 36 questions to fall in love, social psychology researcher Dr. Arthur Aron, first published on the subject in 1997. His paper, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, was based on nearly 30 years of research into love, conducted alongside his wife and scientific collaborator, psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron.

I fell deeply in love with Elaine Aron, my long term partner and collaborator. I looked around and there was almost no research on love. So I said, ‘there’s my topic’.

Arthur Aron, talking to Hack magazine 2

Together, the Arons decided to study closeness between people, aiming to find out what exactly it is that binds us. They decided to see if they could create a situation where two strangers would be encouraged to share intimacies, starting innocuously to ensure everyone’s comfort, and building to a really personal finale to create feelings of trust and connection. And so, the 36 questions were born.

Although they’re often referred to as ‘the 36 questions to fall in love’, The Arons believe that they are more about creating a deep emotional connection rather than real love. However, not all their subjects agree: in fact, the very first couple to try the questions – a pair of research assistants in the Arons’ lab – ended up falling in love and getting married six months later!

Do the 36 questions work outside of the lab?

Since their laboratory beginnings, the 36 questions have made it to a wider audience. One of the major catalysts was the New York Times Modern Love column cited above. In it, Vancouverite, academic, and author Mandy Len Catron details her experience trying the questions out on a first date with a guy from her climbing gym.

Her experiences? Strange, exhilarating and, overwhelmingly, positive. She talks about how the format of the questions helped guide her and her date into a place of ‘’accelerated intimacy’’ 3 so naturally that she barely questioned it:

The questions reminded me of the infamous boiling frog experiment in which the frog doesn’t feel the water getting hotter until it’s too late. With us, because the level of vulnerability increased gradually, I didn’t notice we had entered intimate territory until we were already there, a process that can typically take weeks or months.

Mandy Len Catron, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

Later, after they came out of the intimacy bubble brought on by the questions, the couple proceeded to a nearby bridge to try out the second part of the experience: gazing into one another’s eyes for four minutes. Len Catron says that ‘’I’ve skied steep slopes and hung from a rock face by a short length of rope, but staring into someone’s eyes for four silent minutes was one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life.’’

Like many people who give it a whirl, Len Catron and her partner felt an almost instant connection after trying the 36 questions experiment. But was that bond built to last? Well, reader, she married him. Today, she spends her time climbing mountains with her now-husband and writing about love – her book How to Fall in Love with Anyone comes out this month.

Of course, her experience is not a universal one. There have been those who’ve tried the 36 questions and they didn’t lead to love – instead ending up in friendship or a brief fling. Popular Canadian YouTubers AsapSCIENCE made a video for Tech Insider about one of the times that the questions didn’t work out long term (but did manage to forge a connection nonetheless!).

How do I take the 36 questions to love?

Ultimately of course, there’s only one way to discover if the 36 questions can help you fall in love – and that’s to put them to the test yourself.

To try them, sit down with someone you’d like to know better (this can be a stranger, a friend, even a marriage partner), and take turns answering each question. Make sure you set aside some quiet time to really get truthful – the questions will normally take anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes to complete fully. And don’t forget to finish with gazing into each others’ eyes: around four minutes is perfect.

The 36 questions

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

EliteSingles editorial June 2017

Have you tried the 36 questions to love? Or would you like to know more? Get in touch! You can comment below or email us at [email protected]

Sources:

1 F Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise. Published by Scribner, March 26, 1920

2 Ange McCormack and Sarah McVeigh, writing for ABC’s Hack, March 2017. Behind the famous ‘36 questions that lead to love.’ Found at http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-36-questions-that-lead-to-love/8387736

3 Mandy Len Catron, writing for the New York Times, Jan 2015. To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This (Updated With Podcast). Found at https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html

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36 questions to fall in love

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36 Questions to Fall in Love by arabybizarre, clonesanity, Cophinaphile, delphemeral, HaughtBreaker, jaybear1701, kind-of-always-late (intransient_adventure), LadyZephyr, mveloc, OBFrankenfics, tatarrific, thecirclesquare, trylonandperisphere, tumblweed

Fandoms: Orphan Black (TV)

Summary

A round robin based on the list of 36 questions that can make anybody fall in love. Post season 4, Delphine and Cosima recover together, taking the time to get reacquainted, and fall back into their inevitable love. Prompted by the great OBCrack.

So What’s the Question? (Tyrus One Shot) by thirteen_beaches

Fandoms: Andi Mack (TV)

Summary

Cyrus is in a flight, losing his mind to boredom. That is, until, the cute boy next to him falls asleep on his shoulder. (A fic based on the 36 questions to fall in love)

36 Questions to Fall in Love (With Characters You Never Expected) by AlixxBlack for ouranose

Summary

The title is pretty self-explanatory. Characters that most people don’t like or don’t care for are going to be answering the questions that their partner (you) is asking them. If I’ve done my job well, you might see these characters in a new light by the end of the interview.

Accidentally In Love by todxrxki

Fandoms: Haikyuu!!

Summary

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. «Well, if it’s so unbelievable, why don’t we give it a try?»
Kenma glances up at him curiously. «What do you mean?»
«Let’s do the 36 questions to fall in love,» Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. «If we don’t fall in love, then you’re right, it’s bullshit. But if we do somehow. » Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. «Then I win.» / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

36 Questions To Make You Fall In Love by pilongski

Fandoms: One Piece

Summary

What a ridiculous notion, Law thought. But if this ridiculous notion was going to keep Luffy from opening his wounds, then so be it.

Also, he’s going to prove Shachi that this research was bullshit and nothing would make him fall in love with Straw Hat. Nothing.

For the Record by madbug

Fandoms: Miraculous Ladybug

Summary

After finding out that his entire relationship was a lie and her real name was Lila, Adrien reaches out to his ex wife, inviting her over to dinner.

They try to recreate their first date, asking each other the 36 questions that are supposed to make you fall in love, but this time, Lila is answering with the truth.

Lila is hopeful that they will get back together.

Adrien just wants to prove to himself that breaking up was the right thing to do.

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Summary

И решает пригласить себе в напарники Лань Чжаня.

A Change of Scenery by goodluckgettingtosleep

Fandoms: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)

Summary

“Oh! Apparently, there are 36 questions that are designed to make anyone fall in love with anyone,” Reggie says, eyes wandering over the page. “That sounds easy.”
Luke peers at the article and snorts.
“Yeah, right. You mean to tell me that if I do these with Bobby’s dad, I will fall in love with him? Sounds likely.”
Reggie shrugs, a grin tugging at his lips when he meets Luke’s eyes.
“We could try it. Scared to actually fall in love with me, Patterson?”

or, Luke takes Reggie on a camping trip to the woods in an attempt to cure his writer’s block and gets a little more than he bargained for.

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Summary

Jeon Jungkook believes in love at first sight. Min Yoongi does not. Fortunately for them, the experiment is about neither. Instead, they ask each other 36 questions scientifically engineered to make them fall in love. Not one more, not one less. Will they get the expected result or will they prove science wrong?

Fandoms: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan

Summary

Reader is on her way home to get ready for her blind date when she runs into a handsome stranger on her way home. On her way up to her apartment to get ready, the elevator breaks down with her and the handsome stranger stuck inside.

Series

please be patient by gracelessbeliever

Summary

“How far have people gotten with you?” Enjolras asked, referring to the questions.
“Why, how far do you wanna go?” Grantaire teased, not referring to the questions.

When a subway car breaks down, Enjolras and Grantaire have nothing better to do than answer the 36 Questions to Fall in Love. But they’re not going to fall in love. Probably. Right?

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Summary

ode to a conversation stuck in your throat (or thirty-six questions that lead to love) by honeykoushi

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Summary

on one of their usual shared friday nights, takahiro suggests that he and issei play a game — the 36 questions that lead to love. issei complies despite the small fact that he’s been in love with takahiro for much longer than he’d like to admit. pining and jackassery ensues.

Thirty-six questions to fall in love by working4theknife

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Summary

Stede returns to the Revenge, but Edward hasn’t fully forgiven him yet. At a market, he comes across a book called “The 36 Questions To Fall in Love” with a series of questions that, if asked to one another, will make a pair fall in love. He desperately wants Edward to forgive him for leaving and fall back in love with him, so he gives it a try.

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36 Questions for Increasing Closeness

To feel more connected, skip the small talk and ask these questions instead.

Time Required

45 minutes each time you do this practice.

How to Do It

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them [already].

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

You can try this practice with different people you want to develop a deeper connection with—but if your answers start to feel routine, consider making up your own list of questions that become increasingly more personal. Two couples can also try this practice together, which has been shown to increase closeness between the couples in addition to enhancing closeness and passionate love within each couple.

Why You Should Try It

Building close relationships in adulthood can be challenging. Many social situations call for polite small talk, not heart-to-heart conversations, making it difficult to really connect deeply with people.

One way to overcome these barriers to closeness is by engaging in “reciprocal self-disclosure”—that is, to reveal increasingly personal information about yourself to another person, as they do the same to you. Research suggests that spending just 45 minutes engaging in self-disclosure with a stranger can dramatically increase feelings of closeness between you. In some cases, these feelings of closeness persist over time and form the basis of a new relationship.

Why It Works

To develop closeness, we need to be willing to open up. But opening up isn’t always easy—we might fear coming on too strong or embarrassing ourselves. The 36 Questions encourage us to open up at the same time and at a similar pace as our partner, reducing the likelihood that the sharing will feel one-sided. It offers space for our partner to respond positively to our self-disclosure—with understanding, validation, and care—in a way that can also enhance closeness. This mirrors the gradual getting-to-know-you process that relationships typically undergo, only at a more accelerated pace. The feelings of closeness generated can, in turn, help us build lasting relationships that increase our overall happiness.

Evidence That It Works

Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377.

Unacquainted pairs of participants instructed to ask one another the 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness reported a greater increase in feelings of closeness than pairs instructed to ask one another 36 superficial questions instead. Pairs who completed the closeness exercise felt closer regardless of whether they shared certain core beliefs and attitudes, or whether they expected the exercise to work in the first place. Remarkably, their feelings of closeness following the conversation matched the average level of closeness that other participants reported feeling in their closest relationships.

Who Has Tried the Practice?

While there is no demographic information in the original 1997 study, additional studies explore how this exercise benefits different groups and cultures, including how it can reduce social prejudice and its consequences:

More research is needed to explore whether, and how, the impact of this practice extends to other groups and cultures.

Keep in Mind

Taking turns to answer each question may be the most beneficial approach to 36 Questions, instead of each person answering all 36 questions in a row. When pairs of undergraduate students in the Midwestern United States performed this practice, those who took turns reported liking each other more, feeling closer and more similar, and enjoying the activity more than pairs who had one speaker at a time.

People who have clinically low social motivation—the drive to interact with and be accepted by others—may not experience the full benefits of 36 Questions. There is evidence that individuals with schizophrenia and social anhedonia (a type of major depression that leads to avoidance of social interactions) may experience less positive emotion during 36 Questions than individuals without any psychiatric diagnoses.

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