I feel my self

03.09.202203.09.2022 admin 0 Comments

I feel my self

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Источник

Не говорите «I feel myself», и другие правила английского языка, которые вгоняют в ступор

Английский язык на первый взгляд довольно логичный. Когда только принимаешься за его изучение, практически все правила кажутся понятными. Но среди них есть и ужасно странные правила и нормы.

Сегодня мы расскажем о некоторых правилах английского языка, при знакомстве с которыми хочется сказать: «Да что ты, черт побери, такое несешь?». Готовы? Поехали!

Порядок прилагательных: черт ногу сломит

Одно из тех правил, на которые крайне часто не обращают внимания. Но оказывается, что если возле существительного есть два или больше прилагательных, то их нужно ставить только в определенном порядке и никак иначе.

Преподаватели онлайн-школы английского языка EnglishDom говорят, что на этом правиле засыпается просто огромное количество студентов, которые проходят TOEFL или IELTS.

В русском языке нет разницы, в каком порядке писать прилагательные. Поэтому многие по привычке не обращают внимания на это во время разговора на английском или написания текстов. А это ошибка, за которую снимают баллы.

Запомнить порядок прилагательных с помощью логики невозможно — его нужно только зазубрить.

Вот как должны размещаться прилагательные в английском языке:

1. Оценочные прилагательные (или субъективные) — usual, lovely, nice, fine, beautiful, horrible.
2. Фактические прилагательные (или объективные). Но у объективных своя собственная субординация:
2.1. Прилагательные, которые не входят ни в одну из категорий ниже: cheap, expensive, well-known.
2.2. Размер, форма, возраст, цвет — big, small, tiny, short, round, old, young, yellow, red.
2.3. Происхождение — Arabic, Russian, Spanish.
2.4. Материал — wooden, plastic, silk, leather.
3. Существительное в форме прилагательного — sports, coffee.

She was a beautiful (1), tall (2.1), thin (2.1), young (2.1), black-haired (2.1), Scottish (2.3) woman. — Она была красивой, высокой, стройной молодой черноволосой шотландской девушкой.

И тут сразу открывается целая куча нюансов, которые студенты запоминают очень с трудом.

Для начала, числительное должно быть в любом случае перед всем скопом прилагательных. С этим просто.

С оценочными прилагательными вроде тоже никаких проблем — это субъективное мнение.

Внекатегорийные — тоже не сложно. По сути это прилагательные, которые очень близки к оценочным, но по факту ими не являются.

«Cheap» описывает цену, то есть, факт. Но цена тоже может быть субъективной. Для кого-то она дешевая, а для кого-то дорогая.

Well-known описывает степень известности. Но для разных групп известность чего-либо будет разной.

Если не уверены, то просто ставьте такое прилагательное после оценочного — и будет счастье.

Дальше еще сложнее. Потому что у лингвистов по сути нет единого мнения. Одни считают, что прилагательные размера, формы, возраста и цвета равны между собой и если таких несколько, то их можно ставить в любом порядке. Другие же утверждают, что порядок обязателен: размер, форма, возраст и цвет.

Мы же советуем все-таки придерживаться четкого порядка.

Двойное отрицание: нельзя, но если очень хочется, то можно

Преподаватели английского языка все как один говорят: двойное отрицание в английском использовать нельзя.

На самом деле не совсем.

В разговорном языке всем до лампочки. Двойное отрицание используют очень активно.

— I didn’t see nothing. — Я не видел ничего.

— I saw nothing. — Я не видел ничего.
— I didn’t see anything — Я не видел ничего.

Основная проблема в том, что в английском языке как в математике минус на минус должен давать плюс. То есть, в стандартном английском фраза «I didn’t see nothing» будет означать не «Я не видел ничего», а прямо противоположное: «Я что-то видел».

Чтобы избежать подобной двойной трактовки, двойное отрицание в стандартном английском не используют. Ведь какой смысл во фразе, если не понятно, что именно ты хочешь ею сказать?

Зато в сленговых форматах и в дружественных беседах — всегда пожалуйста. Это, наоборот, считается вполне себе допустимым инструментом разговорного английского.

Более того, его активно используют в культуре. Вспомните песню «Another Brick in the Wall» группы Pink Floyd.

We don’t need no education. — Нам не нужно никакого образования.
We don’t need no thought control. — Нам не нужно никакого контроля мыслей.

Главное — запомнить, что в таком случае двойное отрицание всегда значит отрицание. Математика тут не работает.

«Good» или «Well»? «Bad» или «Badly»?

Правило большого пальца — правило, основанные на практических закономерностях, не привязанных к конкретным четко определенным лингвистическим особенностям языка.

«Good» и «well» имеют практически одинаковое значение — «хорошо».

Но если тебе говорят «Be good!», то это значит «Веди себя хорошо!». А если «Be well!», то «Будь здоров!». Но «Будь здоров!» только в смысле «Не болей!». А если человек чихнул, то принято говорить «Bless you!».

Если не углубляться в теоретическую лингвистику, то слово «Good» выступает в роли прилагательного и имеет все его свойства, а «Well» — в роли наречия.

Лучший способ запомнить это — фраза «If you have a good day, than your day is going well».

«Good» изменяет существительное. То есть, что-то может быть или казаться хорошим.

«Well» изменяет глагол. То есть, какое-нибудь действие идет хорошо.

Но тут добавляется одно исключение. Если разговор касается здоровья, то «well» тоже получает свойства прилагательного.

По сути получается, что Джеймс Браун в своей песне «I feel good» поет «Я чувствую себя хорошим», а не «Я чувствую себя хорошо». Чувствуете разницу?

Кстати, группа Muse делает точно такую же ошибку. «I’m feeling good» — это «Я сейчас чувствую себя хорошим».

Оправдывая исполнителей, скажем, что разговорный английский вообще чихает на любые правила. Но мы тут за правильную грамматику.

Казалось, с «Good» и «Well» разобрались, но тут появляется пара «Bad» и «Badly», и все снова идет как попало.

Проблема в том, что «Bad», и «Badly» — это наречия. По логике они должны обозначать примерно одно и то же. Не-а. Потому что если дело снова касается самочувствия, то снова включается «правило большого пальца».

Возьмем две крайне похожие фразы:

Переводятся они обе как «Я чувствую себя плохо». Но как говорил Чапаев в бородатом анекдоте: «Есть нюанс».

«I feel bad» нужно говорить, если ты чувствуешь себя плохо из-за болезни, к примеру, тошноты. Также фраза подходит, если тебе морально плохо из-за переживаний.

«I feel badly» используется реже, потому что имеет куда более узкое значение. Она уместна, только если тебе плохо из-за физического контакта с чем-нибудь. К примеру, отлежал руку или ударился мизинцем ноги об угол кровати. Тогда «I feel badly» подойдет идеально.

Важно! Очень часто студенты хотят перевести с русского фразу «Я чувствую себя плохо» как «I feel myself bad». Кажется логичным, верно?

Но тут кроется подвох, который опозорил сотни человек. Потому что словосочетание «feel myself» — это эвфемизм для «трогать себя» или «мастурбировать».

Интересно, что получает начальник, если сказать ему: «Я сегодня не пойду на работу, потому что я плохо feel myself? Как думаете, как скоро уволят такого специалиста?

Но одновременно с этим фраза «feel myself» может быть вполне приличной. К примеру, «I feel myself falling asleep». И переводится она как «Я чувствую, что засыпаю». То есть, если после «feel myself» будет причастие с окончанием «-ing», то фраза будет означать «Я чувствую, что…». Вполне себе цивильно.

Мозги можно сломать, не правда ли?

Подобные «правила большого пальца» или, как мы их называем в EnglishDom, «правила левой пятки» — это одна из тех проблем, с которыми студенты сталкиваются постоянно. Потому что если не знать их, то можно попасть впросак.

Так что учите английский язык и пусть всякие левые правила не мешают вам общаться с носителями языка.

Онлайн-школа EnglishDom.com — вдохновляем выучить английский через технологии и человеческую заботу

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Источник

I was told that it is a typical mistake for Russian speakers to say I feel myself badly instead of I feel ill.

I wonder to what extent such constructs sound wrong to native speakers?

I feel myself badly

I feel myself well

I feel myself to be a hero

I feel myself to be an astronaut

I feel myself to be suppressed (I feel myself suppressed)

I feel myself sleeping (I feel myself to be sleeping)

Are they always wrong or just convey a different meaning? Are there examples of native English speakers using such constructs?

UPDATE

Some comments said that there is a erotic connotation in this usage. I would like this to be explained as well.

6 Answers 6

All of these sentences are grammatically valid, but for some of them the intended meaning is not at all clear, and they are not the way that most English speakers would express these ideas.

In general, «I feel myself» is generally understood to mean touching yourself for autoerotic pleasure, which is probably not what you mean in any of these examples.

«I feel myself badly.» Sounds like you mean that you are unskilled at autoeroticism. If what you mean is that you are sick or unhappy, you should say simply «I feel bad.»

«I feel myself well.» Similar to badly but in the opposite direction. You probably mean «I feel good.»

«I feel myself to be a hero/astronaut/suppressed.» Valid. These would be understood to mean that you think you «qualify» as one of these things, but by using the word «feel» rather than simply stating that you «are», you imply that the classification might be debatable. Like, someone who has flown very high-altitude airplanes might say, «I feel myself to be an astrounaut», knowing that others will challenge the claim. I think most Enlgish speakers would be more likely to say, «I consider myself to be an astrounaut» or «I think of myself as an astronaut» or «I think I am an astronaut.» But the sentence as written is valid if that’s what you mean. Note this is different from saying, «I feel like a [whatever]». In that case, you are not claiming to actually be whatever, just that you have some similar experience. Like, «After an hour in the Space Shuttle simulator, I feel like an astronaut.»

«I feel myself sleeping.» I’m not sure what you’re trying to say. If you’re sleeping, you’re not really feeling anything. Maybe «I feel myself falling asleep»?

Warning: [jaɲɛpɔɲɛmajuparuski]

English does not have a Dative case (I have a strong feeling those Russian reflexives are usually Dative, not Accusative; please correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s what I’d expect in German, for instance), and English reflexive pronouns are cumbersome Rube Goldberg constructions (viz, myself, ourselves, yourself, yourselves, himself, herself, itself, themselves, including the only 2nd person plural inflection in the language) which demonstrate that English does not use reflexives much at all for grammatical purposes.

3, 4, & 5, however, are grammatical examples of the construction called B-Raising. Not to go into details, these reflexives are required after the verb feel (which means ‘believe, perceive’ in this construction) when it takes an infinitive complement clause with to that represents a belief or perception about oneself.

The reflexive is required only because the subject of an infinitive can’t be deleted by Equi after like, so it gets Raised up to become the direct object of like, and then it has to become reflexive because it’s identical to the subject of like. It’s a very complex rule.

Источник

«Feeling Myself» lyrics

will.i.am Lyrics

«Feeling Myself»
(feat. Miley Cyrus, French Montana, Wiz Khalifa)

Whoo, w-w-w-will power

I be everywhere, everybody know me
Super, super fresh, what a dope styling
Hunny on my wrist, couple karats on my neck
Givenchy, keep the chickens in check

All these car keys drive them chickens to my crib
Dru Hill got somebody sleeping in my bed
She give me IQ, that mean she get a head
I just give her beats, I don’t give her bread

‘Cause we be in the club
Bottles on deck
And God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself
‘Cause I’mma get it all
And I’mma throw it up
Like God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself

Look up in the mirror
The mirror look at me
The mirror be like baby you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit
God dammit you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit

[French Montana:]
I be everywhere, everybody know me
Catch me in the club hundred bottles on me
I get busy like a one line
In the drop getting head baby never mind

We gettin’ money why you playing with it
Pool in the crib you could land a water plane in it
Slick Rick looking at the mirror
Big Daddy Kane bitch like Shakira

And I done seen me slidin’ out my dope ride
I open up the doors, suicide
I came from the bottom, the sewer side
I made it to the top ’cause I do it fly

[Miley Cyrus:]
Now everybody trippin’ like they pop a molly
Up in the club, is where you find me
I do it real big never do it tiny
If you about that bullshit please don’t remind me

I step in this motherfucker just to make it work
I get on the floor just to make that booty twerk
Shake, shake that shit like a, like a expert
Shake, shake that shit like a, like a expert

[will.i.am and Miley Cyrus:]
I’ll be everywhere, everybody know me
Super, super fresh, what a dope styling
Hunny on my wrist, couple karats on my neck
Givenchy, keep the chickens in check

All these car keys drive them chickens to my crib
Dru Hill, got somebody sleeping in my bed
She give me IQ, that mean she get a head
I just give her beats, I don’t give her bread

‘Cause we be in the club
Bottles on deck
And God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself
‘Cause I’mma get it all
And I’mma throw it up
Like God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself

Look up in the mirror
And the mirror look at me
The mirror be like baby you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit
God dammit you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit

[Wiz Khalifa:]
Doobie in my hand, Rollie on my wrist
Got a bottle of that thousand dollar champagne in my fist
Women of your dreams sleep in my bed
So now I don’t need your brains I need my ass kissed

But all my homies like give me some head
Smoke joints ’til our eyes turn Indian red
Take shots ’til our chests burn
We got papers, bottles, mollies, all this let’s get it started

The bigger the bill, the bigger you ball
The bigger the watch, the bigger the car, the bigger the star
The bigger the chain, the farther you go, you already know
The bigger the bank that’s more hoes, nigga

And I done spent a quarter milli on clothes
Coppin’ them old-schools and puttin’ foreigns on the road
Real talk and if my fuel get low
I roll up another joint, take a shot and reload,
Pow

[will.i.am and Miley Cyrus:]
I’ll be everywhere, everybody know me
Super, super fresh, what a dope styling
Hunny on my wrist, couple karats on my neck
Givenchy, keep the chickens in check

All these car keys drive them chickens to my crib
Dru Hill, got somebody sleeping in my bed
She give me IQ, that mean she get a head
I just give her beats, I don’t give her bread

‘Cause we be in the club
Bottles on deck
And God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself
‘Cause I’mma get it all
And I’mma throw it up
Like God dammit, God dammit
I’m feeling myself

Look up in the mirror
And the mirror look at me
The mirror be like baby you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit, you the shit
God dammit you the shit
God dammit you the shit
You the shit

Источник

‘I feel myself good’ and ‘I feel myself well’ in English

A common error among beginning English speakers is to say “I feel myself” instead of “I feel”, which is understandable because this is the way you would say it in most other European languages. In English, “to feel” already expresses the idea of having a certain feeling. For example,

Although the phrase “feel oneself” (or “feel like oneself”) exists in English, it means something else. Apart from its possible use as a sexual euphemism (“to feel oneself” could be interpreted as a euphemism for masturbation), it means “to feel normal, to be in one’s usual mood” and is usually used in the negative, as in

Another typical mistake learners make in this phrase is using an adverb instead of an adjective. The pattern is “I feel [adjective]”, where the adjective expresses how you feel. Using an adverb is a mistake:

Nevertheless, the sentence “I feel well” is grammatically correct. How is this possible? Somewhat surprisingly, “well”, apart from being the adverbial form of “good”, a deep hole in the ground used to obtain water, and an exclamation (as in “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”), it is also an adjective meaning “in good health”.

That’s quite a lot of meanings for one word, isn’t it? Remember, “I feel good” and “I feel well” mean two different things:

By the way, if you haven’t read my guide on how to avoid the most common mistakes in English, make sure to check it out; it deals with similar topics.

Источник

I feel my self

The No-Self Experience

Proof that We are All ONE

«I was so astonished by what had happened. I’m truly thankful, from the bottom of my being, for what you have taught me. It is so beautiful and simple. «
-Ken

The No-Self experience does not require you to believe in it for it to be true. IT IS TRUTH. And, once you see the Truth of it, you will have the experience of it.

This is not a joke. It is real.

You will know when you’ve had the experience. There will be no doubt.

Some have already experienced this phenomenon and more will follow. Those who have experienced it recognize the term “no-self” (even if they don’t refer to it by that label). There is a major shift occurring. A new paradigm.

What’s this going to cost (once I read all of this)?

Everything on this website is free (including the e-Book).

Why are you doing this?

Love for you. You are my brothers and sisters. In fact, you are much more than that. 🙂

What’s the point of it?

I know what it’s like to experience pain and suffering. I know what it’s like when life drops you to your knees and you cry out for relief.

There IS a way out of the pain and suffering. Realize though, this experience doesn’t immediately vanquish all pain and suffering. However, it opens a “door” that sets you upon a pathway that can eventually lead you to:

-True Joy
-Unconditional Love
-Peace of mind
-Fulfillment
-The opportunity to overcome fear

-Your unique purpose for being here

Remember though, these things are obtained somewhere along YOUR OWN tailor-made pathway. The “door” is just the beginning.

Direct Experience

The No-Self phenomenon will reveal the Truth of Who You Really Are because you will have DIRECT EXPERIENCE of it.

It’s difficult to deny the Truth of something when you have direct experience of it. Once the experience “takes hold” of you, you’ll have your own verifiable proof. The phrase “takes hold” is used because that’s what it feels like for some. It’s not a physical “taking hold” as much as a mental one.

Before it hits you, you’ll start to feel strange and perhaps somewhat tingly. I won’t elaborate further at this point because every person’s experience is different.

Before we begin, I know there are a lot of you who might think that this is “crazy” or a «bad joke”. So, to add credibility to what I say, you should know that Jim Carrey (comedian) has had the No-Self experience.

Here is a YouTube clip describing his experience:

[Note: Again, keep in mind, your experience may not be exactly like Jim’s.]

Triggering the Experience (Content Updated 03/2014)

Ok, let’s begin. (You should be alone and probably allow at least 40 minutes to do this)

There will be a series of things for you to do, ponder, or read through. If you really want the experience, you need to take your time and FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS. Remember, you don’t have to believe anything. However, you do have to follow what is said (especially when you’re told to ponder something).

Also, DON’T SKIP AROUND because the power of the words may be lost.

Take your time and read it through to the end.

[Note: As you read through this material, be aware that your ego may resist somewhat by responding: “This won’t work for me”, “I don’t have time to mess with this”, “Nothing’s happening”, etc.]

First of all, what we’re trying to do is initiate the experience by utilizing several different ‘triggers’. Therefore, don’t worry if you don’t resonate with a particular section provided.

With that in mind, ask yourself the following question-

Question: What is the “YOU” that you think you are?

1) “Well, clearly, I consist of my personality traits, my body, my soul, my mind, etc. ”

Imagine that you’re looking into one of your mirrors at home. However, you’ve just taken an “invisibility pill” and you’re completely invisible. Take a look at the mirror and observe the details of the mirror and the wall that the mirror is hanging on. Furthermore, notice the back of the room as it appears in the reflection of the mirror. Again, because you’re completely invisible, you can see the back of the room through the mirror.

Now imagine that your vocal chords have been severed and you can’t speak. So now, you’re completely invisible and you can’t speak.

What happened to your personality traits?

Are “YOU” still out-going, boring, guarded, shy, self-confident, modest, secretive, friendly, vain, immature, courteous, rebellious, generous, lazy, cheap, aloof, etc.?

What happened to “YOU”? You’re the same “YOU” (only now you’re invisible and can’t talk).

Your personality is simply a mental construct. It is a phantom. It is an illusion. “YOU” (and parents, society, etc.) have constructed it to define who you think “YOU” are. It’s composed of mere beliefs and judgments about who “YOU” are.

Multiple Personality Disorder

Consider the case of multiple personality disorder. Do two ‘YOU’s exist in a person with two personalities? You may say, “Maybe this person only has one real personality and one fake personality.” Ok, so which one is the real one?

The truth is that BOTH have been constructed with the mind. The difference between us and them is that they’ve mentally constructed TWO personalities and we’ve only constructed ONE.

Consider the following hypothetical situation

Little Susie (5 years old) is in the process of constructing her personality. Her mom tells her that she is a «good» girl. Her dad tells her that she is a «bad» girl. Since her dad is the more powerful influence on her, she takes herself to be a «bad» girl.

Susie’s mom tells her that she is smart. Her dad tells her that she’s just plain stupid. Again, she is more influenced by her dad because he is more forceful, etc. Thus, she begins to see herself as stupid.

At school, all the other kids think that Susie is extremely funny. All the kids laugh with her. Her dad doesn’t think she is funny at all, in fact, he thinks she’s dull. She again takes this to be the truth about her.

SO, IS THIS TRUE ABOUT HER? Is Susie bad, stupid, and dull? Over time, SHE thinks so. Her DAD also thinks so. BUT, IS IT TRUE?

NO, it is simply a mental construct created through conditioning and repetitive programming. They are simply opinions (beliefs). They are illusory. They are not real. Would it matter if Susie thought she was good, smart, and funny? No, it’s still a creation of her mind. It doesn’t make it true.

“ YOU” are not your personality.

What is the “YOU” that you think you are?

2) “Ok, fine, I’m my body, my soul, my mind.”

Yes, “YOU” have a body. However, your body is autonomous. It can function on its own. It doesn’t need a “YOU” to breathe, supply oxygen to the brain, etc.

Besides, is the “YOU” that we’re trying to locate just a ‘body’?

3) “Ok, fine, I’m my soul and my mind.”

Let’s focus on Soul (or Spirit) first.

So, let’s say that God (or Universe, the Source, the Almighty, Consciousness, etc.) created your Soul. But, why would God create both your Soul and a separate «YOU»?

Looking at it logically, “YOU” can’t be both your Soul and «YOU».

Really ponder this.

Just see the logic and look………Look.

We’ll come back to the Soul in just a minute.

4) “Ok, I’m a bit confused, but it’s still easy to see that I am my mind (consciousness).»

So, if your mind is “YOU”, we should be able to define it. So, what is it and where is it? You might say that your mind is a combination of both your thoughts (the what) and your brain (the where).

Obviously, your brain is part of your body, so we’ll leave that one alone for now. In any case, most people don’t feel like the “YOU” that we’re looking for is merely a ‘brain’.

Now, let’s examine thoughts.

Here are some questions for you to consider. So, the “YOU” that we’re looking for is just a collection of thoughts? So, “YOU” are a collection of “evil” thoughts and “good” thoughts?

What about when «YOU» are not thinking any thoughts? Do “YOU” momentarily cease to exist?

What if your thoughts tell you to do something “bad” to someone or even kill them? If it’s really “YOU”, why don’t you listen to “YOU”?

Where do all those crazy thoughts even come from? Are they the “YOU” that you think you are?

“YOU” are not your thoughts.

What is the “YOU” that you think you are?

TAKE 15 MINUTES and PONDER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS

What is the “YOU” that you think you are? There is no «YOU».

TAKE ANOTHER 10 MINUTES and again PONDER the 5 QUESTIONS above

There is no “YOU”. Sit with it. Ponder it. No need to meditate on it.

Don’t force it. Just see it for what it is. Let it settle. Let it simmer.

Let it “take hold”. Surrender to it.

See it. Look at it. Focus.

Just look………. THERE IS NO “YOU”.

It might be useful to look at it like a mathematical equation. You’re saying in essence that there’s my Soul and there’s «me» (and they both combine to make «me»).

So, the Equation looks like this:

In mathematics, you CANCEL OUT TWO IDENTICAL TERMS on opposite sides of the equation.

Therefore, the Equation:

CAN BE REDUCED DOWN by canceling out like terms (both the ‘YOU’s).

~~“YOU”~~ + Soul = ~~“YOU”~~

The Equation now becomes simply:

Soul

Here are two more examples:

CAN BE REDUCED DOWN by canceling out like terms (both the ‘YOU’s).

The Equation now becomes simply:

“YOU” + Consciousness = “YOU»

CAN BE REDUCED DOWN by canceling out like terms (both the ‘YOU’s).

The Equation now becomes simply:

The “YOU” that you thought was «YOU» is an illusion. “YOU” are a mental construct. «YOU» are a figment of your imagination. «YOU» are a fictional EGO-self (the illusory self).

«YOU» simply don’t exist. A «YOU» is an unnecessary ‘extra’ in all of these equations.

“I am aware that I am at my computer right now thinking about all this. If there is no “me”, then who is aware of me sitting here and thinking?”

“I am able to observe everything that is going on around me. If there is no “me”, then who is able to observe everything?”

«I am conscious of looking at this webpage right now and feeling confused. If there is no «me», then who is conscious of looking at this and feeling confused?»

‘ I ‘ am able to observe…..

What is the ‘ I ‘ that is being referred to?

Awareness exists. Observation exists. Consciousness exists. However, they are not «yours». They do not exist separately (in ‘you’) even though it appears so.

Awareness, observation, and consciousness don’t require a separate ‘ I ‘ to exist. They can exist without the mental construction of ‘ I ‘. The mind tries to connect awareness, observation, and consciousness to «something» tangible. So, it creates a separate ‘ I ‘ to make sense of things.

Brief Exercise

If you cease thought, Awareness is what remains. Try the following:

Take a moment and look out of «your» eyes and observe everything in the room without allowing any thoughts to enter your mind.

The Awareness that looks out of ‘your’ eyes is the exact same Awareness that looks out of ‘mine’. The only difference is that of location (or access point). [Note: I’m not talking about thought. I’m talking about Awareness.]

If you really look, you will not be able to find a separate ‘ I ‘ that is behind «your» Awareness. The thing you think of as ‘ I ‘ does not exist. In Truth, there is no separate ‘ I ‘.

In other words:

There is no «YOU».

***Take your time and PONDER the above for several minutes***

The THOUGHT of «YOU» exists. However, if «YOU» are not just a THOUGHT, where is your actual ‘self’?

The FEELING of «YOU» exists. However, if «YOU» are not just a FEELING, where is your actual ‘self’?

The SENSATION of «YOU» exists. However, if «YOU» are not just a SENSATION, where is your actual ‘self’?

The CONCEPT of «YOU» exists. However, if «YOU» are not just a CONCEPT, where is your actual ‘self’?

The IDEA of «YOU» exists. However, if «YOU» are not just an IDEA, where is your actual ‘self’?

***Contemplate these questions for several minutes***

Without an actual ‘self’, you’re left with merely a SENSE, FEELING, THOUGHT, CONCEPT, IDEA, PROJECTION, INKLING, ATTACHMENT of a separate ‘self’, but nowhere is there an actual, separate «YOU» to be found.

C an you conceive of the POSSIBILITY that there is just a THOUGHT, FEELING, or SENSATION that there is a separate «YOU», but no actual «YOU»?

***At a later time, take some time and contemplate this***

The FEELING of Existing

The FEELING of existing & being alive does not originate from a separate «YOU». Amazingly, the FEELING of existing & being alive
is actually coming from the undivided WHOLE of Consciousness (or Awareness, Source, Life, or whatever label you prefer).

The Process of Looking

«The experience didn’t ‘trigger’ for me.»

You must now LOOK to see where that is.

What is the “YOU” that you think you are? THERE IS NO «YOU».

In addition, Chapter 3 (Additional Ways to Trigger the Experience) of the e-Book provides additional suggestions. e-Book

Love to ONE (and All).

—moretocome

«The 21st century will see the emergence of a new religion; namely, Unconditional Love.»

Источник

feel myself

1 feel myself

2 I feel myself good

3 myself

pron refl. себя, меня самого;
себе;
I have hurt myself я ушибся myself pron emph. сам;
I saw it myself я это сам видел;
I am not myself мне не по себе;
я сам не свой myself pron emph. сам;
I saw it myself я это сам видел;
I am not myself мне не по себе;
я сам не свой

pron refl. себя, меня самого;
себе;
I have hurt myself я ушибся

4 feel

5 feel in peace with myself

6 damper

(кто-л. что-л.) действующее угнетающе;
to put (или to cast) a damper on обескураживать( кого-л.), расхолаживать

демпфер (в фортепиано) ;
сурдина

австрал. пресная лепешка (испеченная в золе)

регулятор тяги;
дымовая заслонка;
вьюшка (в печах)

увлажнитель;
губка или ролик для смачивания марок

(кто-л. что-л.) действующее угнетающе;
to put (или to cast) a damper on обескураживать (кого-л.), расхолаживать

7 ashamed

(for smb.) стыдиться (за кого-л.) ;
I am ashamed of myself мне стыдно за себя;
he was ashamed to tell the truth ему было стыдно сказать правду to be

(of smth.) стыдиться (чего-л.)

(for smb.) стыдиться (за кого-л.) ;
I am ashamed of myself мне стыдно за себя;
he was ashamed to tell the truth ему было стыдно сказать правду

8 ashamed

9 Reflexive pronouns

I feel great — Я чувствую себя великолепно.

She undressed very quickly — Она разделась очень быстро.

This book is selling well — Эта книга хорошо продается.

The old man was off his pony in an instant, and they embraced as do father and son in the East — Старик мигом соскочил с пони, и они обнялись, как это делают отец и сын на Востоке.

I saw a figure like myself lying dressed in my clothes on a bed. — Я увидел человека, похожего на меня, лежащего в моей одежде на кровати.

When the service was over they went out of the room with their mother, and Mr Clare and himself were left alone — Когда служба была окончена, они вышли из комнаты вместе с матерью, и он остался наедине с г-ном Клэром.

The doctor himself was rather ugly, but his wife was a real beauty. — Сам доктор был довольно некрасив, но его жена была настоящей красавицей.

10 себя

make* one self respected, loved;
он очень доволен собой he is very pleased with himself;
он очень xopош собой he is very good-looking;
сам собой (самостоятельно) of itself;
про

2) (мысленно) inwardly;
не в себе out of one`s mind;
oт

(дома) he is in, he is at home;
(в комнате) he is in his room;
принимать кого-л. у

(дома) receive smb. in one`s home;
(в комнате) receive smb. in one`s room;
к себе (домой) home;
(в комнату) to one`s room;
пригласить кого-л. к себе invite smb. to come and see one;
пo себе (no силам) to suit ones elf;
мне не по себе
1) (нездоровится) I am out of sorts;

2) (неудобно, неловко) I feel awkward;
от этого мне стало не по себе it made me feel awkward/uneasy.

11 flatter

приукрашивать;
преувеличивать достоинства;
the portrait flatters him этот портрет приукрашивает его

oneself that тешить себя, льстить себя (надеждой) ;
I flatter myself that смею думать, что to

oneself that тешить себя, льстить себя (надеждой) ;
I flatter myself that смею думать, что

приукрашивать;
преувеличивать достоинства;
the portrait flatters him этот портрет приукрашивает его

12 secure

доски моста не производят впечатления надежных

спокойный;
to feel secure about (или as to) the future не беспокоиться о будущем;
to live a secure life жить, ни о чем не заботясь

a (обыкн. predic) сохранный, в надежном месте;
I have got him secure он не убежит

спокойный;
to feel secure about (или as to) the future не беспокоиться о будущем;
to live a secure life жить, ни о чем не заботясь loan secured on landed property заем, обеспеченный недвижимостью secure безопасный, надежный;
secure hidingplace надежное укрытие;
secure from (или against) attack защищенный от нападения

добиваться;
достигать (цели) ;
to secure one’s object достичь цели;
to secure a victory одержать победу

доставать, получать;
to secure tickets for a play получить( или достать) билеты на спектакль

закреплять, прикреплять;
запирать;
заграждать;
to secure a vein хир. перевязывать вену;
to secure a mast укрепить мачту

обеспечивать безопасность;
укреплять (город и т. п.)

охранять;
гарантировать, обеспечивать, страховать;
to secure oneself against all risks застраховать себя от всяких случайностей

предоставлять обеспечение, обеспечивать, гарантировать

прочный, надежный;
верный;
secure investment верное помещение капитала

a (обыкн. predic) сохранный, в надежном месте;
I have got him secure он не убежит

спокойный;
to feel secure about (или as to) the future не беспокоиться о будущем;
to live a secure life жить, ни о чем не заботясь

закреплять, прикреплять;
запирать;
заграждать;
to secure a vein хир. перевязывать вену;
to secure a mast укрепить мачту

добиваться;
достигать (цели) ;
to secure one’s object достичь цели;
to secure a victory одержать победу

foundation незыблемая основа;
secure stronghold неприступная твердыня secure безопасный, надежный;
secure hidingplace надежное укрытие;
secure from (или against) attack защищенный от нападения secure безопасный, надежный;
secure hidingplace надежное укрытие;
secure from (или against) attack защищенный от нападения

прочный, надежный;
верный;
secure investment верное помещение капитала

добиваться;
достигать (цели) ;
to secure one’s object достичь цели;
to secure a victory одержать победу

foundation незыблемая основа;
secure stronghold неприступная твердыня

доставать, получать;
to secure tickets for a play получить (или достать) билеты на спектакль

13 same

все равно, безразлично;
it’s all the same to me мне все равно all the

всетаки;
тем не менее;
thank you all the same все же разрешите поблагодарить вас he would do the

again он бы снова сделал то же самое

таким же образом, так же;
I see the same through your glasses as I do through mine в ваших очках я вижу так же, как и в своих all the

все равно, безразлично;
it’s all the same to me мне все равно just the

таким же образом just the

тем не менее, всетаки

однообразный;
the life is perhaps a little same жизнь, пожалуй, довольно однообразна to me she was always the

little girl для меня она оставалась все той же маленькой девочкой the patient is much about the

состояние больного почти такое же;
the very same точно такой же same юр., ком. вышеупомянутый;
он, его

одно и то же, то же самое;
we must all say (do) the same мы все должны говорить (делать) одно и то же

однообразный;
the life is perhaps a little same жизнь, пожалуй, довольно однообразна

таким же образом, так же;
I see the same through your glasses as I do through mine в ваших очках я вижу так же, как и в своих

тот (же) самый;
одинаковый the

causes produce the

effects одни и те же причины порождают одинаковые следствия the

observations are true of the others also эти же наблюдения верны и в отношении других случаев they belong to the

family они принадлежат к одной и той же семье;
to say the same thing twice over повторять одно и то же дважды a symptom of the

nature аналогичный симптом;
much the same почти такой же all the

всетаки;
тем не менее;
thank you all the same все же разрешите поблагодарить вас they belong to the

family они принадлежат к одной и той же семье;
to say the same thing twice over повторять одно и то же дважды the patient is much about the

состояние больного почти такое же;
the very same точно такой же

одно и то же, то же самое;
we must all say (do) the same мы все должны говорить (делать) одно и то же

14 same

15 amuse

16 express

17 trust

18 secure

19 bind

20 rest

См. также в других словарях:

feel myself — be/feel/myself phrase to be in your normal mental or physical state I’m sorry if I shouted. I’m just not myself today. Thesaurus: to be, or to feel healthysynonym Main entry: myself … Useful english dictionary

feel myself — See not feeling myself … English idioms

myself — my|self [ maı self ] pronoun *** Myself is a reflexive pronoun, being the reflexive form of I. It is used especially in the following ways: as an object that refers to the speaker or writer who is the subject of the sentence or is mentioned… … Usage of the words and phrases in modern English

myself */*/*/ — UK [maɪˈself] / US pronoun Summary: Myself is a reflexive pronoun, being the reflexive form of I. It is used especially in the following ways: as an object that refers to the speaker or writer who is the subject of the sentence or is mentioned… … English dictionary

feel oneself — verb To feel comfortable or normal; to be in ones usual mood or state of health. I hope you dont mind if I cancel our date this afternoon I just dont feel myself today … Wiktionary

myself — has two main roles: (1) as a reflexive pronoun in which the object of the action is the same as the speaker (I managed to restrain myself / I was put in a room by myself), (2) as an emphatic pronoun reinforcing the simple pronoun I (I began to… … Modern English usage

feel more like yourself — feel (more) like (yourself) to feel as healthy or happy as you usually are. After the accident, it took a year for me to feel like myself again. Usage notes: often not feel like yourself to feel ill or upset: When she woke up in the morning, she… … New idioms dictionary

feel more like — feel (more) like (yourself) to feel as healthy or happy as you usually are. After the accident, it took a year for me to feel like myself again. Usage notes: often not feel like yourself to feel ill or upset: When she woke up in the morning, she… … New idioms dictionary

feel like yourself — feel (more) like (yourself) to feel as healthy or happy as you usually are. After the accident, it took a year for me to feel like myself again. Usage notes: often not feel like yourself to feel ill or upset: When she woke up in the morning, she… … New idioms dictionary

Источник

«Feel Myself» lyrics

Natalia Kills Lyrics

[Chorus:]
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself
I just wanna feel myself

[Verse:]
Rich boy manners
Champagne glasses
8 ball habits
18 karats
Check book, cash it
Puddles, lavish
Broken bitches
I just wanna feel myself for a minute

I want a guy I can climb like Everest
God etiquette, real therapy
He don’t gotta be to cleverest
Hips and lips, intelligent

[Bridge:]
You telling me I dress too loud
Got too many shoes too count
Saying we should split the check
If you ain’t got diamonds then it’s time to jet
‘Cause

[Verse:]
First class, fancy
Monogram, matching
Suit up, got a crew cup
Like the room up, gets me
I want a guy with a rich boy standards
Handsome, has it, want it, have it
Pick me up at 8 with 18 flowers
Bulgari box back home at the manor
Love you more than your 8 ball habit
Foreclose the pussy when you close that bar
Penthouse pavement poor girl panic
[screaming] (what do you mean there are no more diamonds?)
Love you more than your 8 ball habit

[Bridge:]
You telling me I dress too loud
Got too many shoes too count
Saying we should split the check
If you ain’t got diamonds then it’s time to jet
‘Cause

Источник

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Источник

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I Feel Self-Conscious about My Looks

Reader’s Question

I have really big “bug” eyes (accentuated by a narrow face) and I notice that people often raise their eyebrows and make their own eyes appear bigger around me. I also have a “gum-filled” smile, so when I smile wide, people notice my gums and make disgusted faces. For example, at a job interview, someone said something funny and we all laughed. The lead interviewer was smiling until she looked at my gums and then she frowned.

I know I’ll never win a beauty pageant, but I don’t think I’m hideous either. I’ve been called “cute” and “pretty” at times, but I can’t help feeling self-conscious about my features. I’ve known people who weren’t “lookers” but they had a great personality and were charming and funny. I, on the other hand, am shy and introverted, so it is more difficult for me to feel comfortable with people. Is this more of a self-esteem/self-confidence issue or a social issue? I feel like I am doomed forever. What should I do?

Psychologist’s Reply

If we need to alter our own behavior or reactions, self-consciousness is an ally. That is, it’s helpful when we want to change a more-or-less automatic behavior that happens before we’ve even been aware of it. However, when it comes to things we can’t change in the moment, such as our physical features, self-consciousness about those characteristics serves no good purpose. In fact, self-consciousness generally results in our acting less spontaneous, and perhaps then being more likely to be noticed for the very features we dislike. Ugh.

The other bad thing about self-consciousness is that it leads us to be hyper-vigilant for signs that others are noticing the features we’re concerned about. As a result, we tend to “over-interpret” their behavior and reactions as related to our “deficit.” In reality, there is no way to know whether others would react differently if you had other characteristics (although we jump to the conclusion that they would). We tend to use other people as the “control group,” and we attempt to compare how others seem to react to these other “normal” people. In reality, our self-consciousness leads us to be inherently biased in how we read peoples’ reactions to both ourselves and these others. Plus, the people who make up the “control group” have their own characteristics, both physical and behavioral, that influence how others respond. Comparing apples to oranges doesn’t really help us.

As you noted, some people seem so comfortable with themselves that they are well-liked, regardless of their appearance. Even as a relatively quiet person, you can develop a sense of self-confidence that will not only result in your being more comfortable socially, but also lead to people being less likely to focus on your least favorite features. The key is to ignore your self-conscious thoughts about any of your physical features. As you notice having self-conscious thoughts, stop. Refuse to follow where those thoughts want to take you. Instead, immerse yourself in the interactions you’re having with others. Focus your attention on what they’re saying, and how they look and act. Be an active observer without letting those observations lead you back to thoughts about yourself or whether the others are reacting to your looks.

At first, stopping your troublesome thoughts, which might feel like fairly automatic companions at this point, will take effort and may feel artificial. However, with practice the task becomes easier, and eventually automatic. In the meantime, it may also help to engage in some acting or role-playing. That is, you’ve observed people who seem socially comfortable and clearly non-self-conscious. You can imagine and picture how these people act around others. Now it’s time to play that role, as if playing a self-confident character in a play. It may feel odd at first, but as you pull off the role with at least some degree of success and you experience a bit of positive feedback, it may be liberating to truly see how “the other half” lives (and that you too can be that way). Practice and enjoy, and eventually the self-confidence will become your natural state in social settings.

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‘I Hate Myself’: 8 Ways to Combat Self-Hatred

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

Verywell / Laura Porter

Do you often have the thought, «I hate myself»? If you are filled with feelings of self-hatred, you know how frustrating they can be. Not only does self-hatred limit what you can achieve in life, but it also worsens mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.

In order to get over feelings of self-hatred, it’s important to recognize the signs and symptoms, understand the underlying causes and triggers, realize the powerful effects it has on your life, and finally, make a plan to get over those feelings of self-hatred and develop healthy coping skills to feel better.

Signs of Self-Hatred

Below are some of the tell-tale signs that you might be living with self-hatred, beyond having occasional negative self-talk.

Causes of Self-Hatred

If those signs sounded all too familiar, you’re probably wondering why you hate yourself and how you ended up here. You might not immediately know the answers to these questions, so it’s important to take some time to reflect. Below are some possible causes to consider.

It’s important to remember that not everyone who experiences self-hatred will have had the same life experiences. There is no singular path that leads to thinking, «I hate myself.» Consider your unique circumstances and what might have brought you to this point.

Negative Inner Critic

If you are thinking «I hate myself,» chances are that you have a negative inner critic who constantly puts you down. This critical voice might compare you to others or tell you that you are not good enough.

You might feel as though you are different from other people and that you don’t measure up. These thoughts may leave you feeling like an outcast or a fraud when you are with other people.

The inner critic is like a frenemy who is intent on undermining your success. This voice in your head is filled with self-hate, and can also evolve into paranoia and suspiciousness if you listen long enough. The inner critic doesn’t want you to experience success, so it will even cut you down when you do accomplish something good.

The following are some things your inner critic might say:

If you have a voice in your head like this, you might come to believe that these types of critical thoughts are the truth. If the voice tells you that you are worthless, stupid, or unattractive, you might eventually come to believe those things. And with those thoughts, comes the belief that you aren’t worthy of love, success, confidence, or the chance to make mistakes.

The more you listen to that critical inner voice, the more power you give to it. In addition, you might eventually start to project your own insecurities onto other people, leaving you paranoid, suspicious, and unable to accept love and kindness. If this sounds like you, then chances are that you have been listening to your negative inner critic for far too long.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies that can help you learn to truly believe in yourself, featuring IT Cosmetics founder Jamie Kern Lima.

Where does that negative inner critic come from? It isn’t likely that you developed that voice in your head all by yourself. Rather, most often, the negative inner critic arises from past negative life experiences. These could be childhood experiences with your parents, bullying from peers, or even the outcome of a bad relationship.

Childhood Experiences

Did you grow up with parents who were critical of you? Or did you have a parent who seemed to be stressed, angry, or tense, and who made you feel as though you needed to walk on eggshells?

If so, you may have learned to be quiet and fade into the background. Childhood experiences or trauma such as abuse, neglect, being over-controlled, or being criticized can all lead to the development of a negative inner voice.

Bad Relationships

Not all critical inner voices begin during childhood. If you were in a relationship or friendship with someone who engaged in the same types of behaviors, the experience could also have created a negative inner voice.

This could even include a work relationship with a co-worker or supervisor with a tendency to put you down or make you feel inferior. Any type of relationship has the potential to set a negative tone in your mind and create a negative inner voice that’s hard to shake.

Bullying

Were you the victim of bullying in school, at work, or in another relationship? Even transient relationships with people can create lasting memories that impact your self-concept and affect your self-esteem.

If you find yourself having flashback memories of seemingly insignificant events with bullies from your past or present, it could be that the experience has had a long-lasting effect on your mind. If your negative inner voice replays the words of your real-life bullies, you have some deeper work to do to release those thoughts rather than internalize them.

Traumatic Events

Have you experienced any traumatic life events like a car accident, physical attack, or significant loss? If so, the loss might leave you wondering, «why me?» which can evolve into feelings of shame or regret, particularly if you feel you were somehow at fault.

Environmental Triggers

Long after original events, you might find yourself being triggered by things that happen in your daily life. For example, a new co-worker might remind you of a past bad experience at work, or a new friend might trigger an unpleasant memory from your childhood.

If you find yourself having an emotional reaction to a situation that seems out of proportion to what has happened, you may need to do more work to uncover the things that are holding you back. Many find this process is made easier with the help of a therapist or other mental health professional.

Negative Self-Concept

Do you have a negative self-concept, poor self-image, or low self-esteem? When you have thoughts of self-hatred, small problems can be magnified into much larger ones. You may feel as though the bad things that happen are a reflection of your own inherent «badness.»

For example, you’re at a party and you tell a joke that falls flat. Instead of rolling with the punches and moving on, your negative self-concept might induce a spiral into negative thoughts such as «everyone hates me» and «I’ll never be able to make any friends.»

Mental Health Conditions

A feeling of self-hatred could also be the result of a mental health condition such as depression or anxiety. Depression, for example, can cause symptoms such as hopelessness, guilt, and shame, which can make you feel as though you are not good enough. Unfortunately, the nature of depression also means that you are unable to see through this cognitive bias to recognize that it is your depression that is making you think this way.

The more that your condition influences your thoughts, the more likely it is that you will start to see this negative view of yourself as your reality. This can leave you feeling as though you are not worthy and do not belong. You may feel isolated and different from everyone else.

Outcomes of Self-Hatred

Beyond the causes of self-hatred, it’s important to understand the outcomes that can result when your thoughts continually reinforce that self-hatred. Below are some potential outcomes:

Many of the outcomes of self-hatred are similar to the signs of self-hatred. In this way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy from which you cannot easily escape. As long as you stay in this cycle of self-hatred, you’ll never move forward. But with help, you can break the cycle.

If you are having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self harm, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

How to Combat Self-Hatred

If you are looking to get over self-hatred, there are a number of things you can do to break the cycle. Above all else, remember that you are not to blame for how you feel, but you are responsible from this day forward for the actions that you take toward making positive changes.

Try Journaling

Keep a journal to reflect on your day and how you felt about what happened. Reflect on the events of the day, examine situations that may have triggered certain emotions, and be mindful of the root causes of any feelings of self-hatred.

As you journal each day, look for patterns and aim to become more aware of how your emotions shift. Research shows that expressive writing such as journaling can help to reduce psychological distress.

Talk Back to Your Inner Critic

As you start to become more aware of your emotions and their triggers, try to identify the thoughts that you have when faced with negative events. Ask yourself questions about whether your thoughts are realistic, or whether you are engaging in thought distortions.

Try standing up to your inner bully by countering that inner voice with arguments to the contrary. If you find it hard to build up a strong voice on your own, imagine yourself taking on the role of a stronger person you know—such as a friend, famous person, or superhero—and talking back to the critical voice in your head.

Practice Self-Compassion

Instead of hating yourself, practice showing yourself compassion. This means looking at situations in a different light, seeing the good things that you have accomplished, and ending black-or-white thinking. What would you say to a friend or loved one who was having similar thoughts about themselves?

Was that one bad thing that happened really the end of the world? Could you reframe the situation to see it as a setback instead of a catastrophe? When you can be kinder to yourself, you’ll open yourself up to more positive feelings and a positive inner voice. Research shows that compassion-focused therapy can improve self-esteem, which could be helpful to reduce self-hatred.

Spend Time With Positive People

Instead of hanging out with people who make you feel bad, start hanging out with people who make you feel good. If you don’t have any positive people your everyday life, consider joining a support group. If you aren’t sure where to find one, the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a good place to start, regardless of what type of mental health issues you might be facing.

Practice Meditation

If you find it hard to slow down and detach yourself from your negative thinking, try starting a regular meditation practice. Engaging in meditation is a way to shut off the negative voice in your head. It’s also like a muscle; the more that you practice, the easier that it will be to quiet your mind and let go of negative thoughts.

See a Therapist

If you are struggling with your mental health, you might benefit from seeing a therapist. While it’s possible to shift your mindset on your own, a therapist can help you deal with past trauma more quickly and guide you to more helpful thinking patterns.

Take Care of Yourself

Instead of engaging in self-destructive behaviors, engage in self-care. This approach means taking care of your physical and mental health by doing all the things that will keep you feeling good. Eat healthy food, get regular exercise, get enough sleep, reduce social media and screen time, spend time in nature, and talk kindly to yourself, to name a few examples.

Move Toward Living the Life You Want

The antidote to feeling bad all the time might be to start taking small steps toward what you want in life. That might mean finding a new career path, traveling, getting out of debt, ending a relationship, starting a family, or moving far away. Determine your values and then start acting in accordance with them. Once you start to align with your values, it will be easier to feel confident in yourself.

A Word From Verywell

It’s easy to think that you are the only one who struggles with thoughts of self-hatred. The truth is that many people feel the same way that you do, and there are ways to get past it.

If you’re still struggling to get over these feelings, it could be that an underlying mental health issue is contributing to your negative thinking patterns. If you haven’t already been assessed by a mental health professional, this should be your first step. If you are diagnosed with a mental disorder, this could be the starting point to finally making positive changes in your life.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a diagnosable disorder, or if you have already seen a mental health professional and are receiving treatment, then your best course of action is to follow through with your treatment plan and consider trying some of the above-mentioned set of coping strategies to manage your negative thinking.

If this feels hard, you might benefit from an accountability partner or someone else who will check in with you regularly to make sure that you are keeping up with your positive habits. While it might feel hard to confide in someone that you need help, you also might be surprised at how willing others will be to help when you ask.

There’s no reason to keep living your life with the thoughts about hating yourself. Today, you can take the first step toward feeling better and living a life that isn’t filled with self-hatred and negative thought patterns.

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Sally Rooney: ‘I’m really paranoid about my personal life. I feel self-conscious’

The Normal People author is now a literary superstar, a rise to fame echoed in her new novel

Just over four years ago I picked up a book from a pile of proofs on my sitting-room floor. The book was an early copy of a debut novel by a young Irish woman. Her name was Sally Rooney. I read the book, Conversations with Friends, in a few hours, transfixed by the freshness of the prose, the emotional power of the novel and the insights and intelligence on every page. When I’d finished the book I had a strong urge to meet this Sally Rooney person, shake her hand and say well done.

That’s why, some weeks later, I found myself sitting on a high stool upstairs at the Duke pub in Dublin, alone, nursing a pint of Guinness, watching a then 26-year-old Mayo woman I’d never met celebrate the launch of her first novel with family and friends. She was charming and friendly when I eventually approached to shake her hand. I was awkward and anxious, like a character in a Sally Rooney novel, but with a lower IQ.

Since May, when early copies were sent to a chosen few, a frenzy of anticipation has surrounded Rooney’s third novel, Beautiful World, Where Are You. Proof copies are reportedly being advertised online for hundreds of euro

I’m thinking of that slightly stalkerish moment at the Duke as I sit at my laptop waiting to speak to Rooney about the past four remarkable years of her life. As most people are now aware, Conversations with Friends, that widely beloved, brainy novel about love and friendship and late capitalism, became a word-of-mouth literary sensation. It broke into the mainstream and saw the millennial appointed and burdened as the voice of her generation.

Normal People: Paul Mescal and Daisy Edgar-Jones in the TV adaptation. Photograph: Enda Bowe/Element/BBC

Since May, when early copies were sent to a chosen few, a frenzy of anticipation has surrounded Rooney’s third novel, Beautiful World, Where Are You, which is published on Tuesday. Proof copies of the book are reportedly being advertised online with asking prices of hundreds of euro.

SALLY ROONEY, WHERE ARE YOU? Here she is, on a Zoom call from her home in Co Mayo. As Zoom backgrounds go, Rooney’s is even sparser than her famously economical prose. The writer, wearing a taupe-coloured jumper, is sitting in her study in front of a pale wall. There is nothing else, not a book or a pot plant, to be seen. At a time when many of us have become accustomed to carefully curating the backgrounds of our online encounters, projecting visual representations of our best selves, it is telling. You can have my words but no more, the blank spaces around her seem to shrug.

A strict 45 minutes has been allocated by her publicist for the interview. We exchange hellos and I ask Rooney, who turned 30 at the beginning of this year, where she spent lockdown. She tells me she was in New York when the pandemic hit. “We decided when the travel ban came in that we just had to get home. We were worried about being separated from our families … We have been in Mayo ever since. Well, other than the occasional trip to Dublin when it was legal.”

Rooney is now that rare thing a literary superstar. Barack Obama took one of her books on holiday, and she is interviewed in the current edition of Vogue

The “we” she refers to is herself and her husband, John Prasifka. The couple met at Trinity College Dublin, where Rooney studied English, followed by a master’s in American literature. They’ve been together for 10 years. When I ask about her pandemic wedding she politely rebuffs the question. “I don’t really want to talk about it, because I’m really kind of paranoid about my personal life, you know. I feel kind of self-conscious about saying anything about that type of thing. But, yes, we did get married during the pandemic, and accordingly it was a very, very small ceremony.”

Rooney is now that rare thing a literary superstar. Her phenomenal success has given the author more freedom and she turns down most invitations to speak. She is only doing one public event around her new novel in a conversation with Irish-Nigerian author Emma Dabiri later this month in London. This interview with The Irish Times is the only one she is doing for an Irish publication.

Sally Rooney photographed in Dublin by Ellius Grace/New York Times

I’m keen to talk to Rooney about another literary superstar, Alice Kelleher, a character in the new book that will be much discussed when Beautiful World, Where Are You is finally out in the world.

Alice, a Trinity College graduate, is a young Irish millennial author of books about love and friendship who, on the publication of her first two novels, has become a global literary sensation. Alice, who has mental-health issues, frets about fame, disparages publicity-hungry fellow authors and deletes her social-media accounts.

Alice’s world mirrors Rooney’s to the extent that some readers might assume the character’s every thought or feeling is shared by the author. They’d be wrong, according to Rooney. “It certainly wasn’t that I was trying to smuggle in essays about my life through the book. I mean, if I wanted to write essays about my life I probably could do that … I’ve never really wanted to.”

Alice and her best friend, Eileen, who works at a literary magazine, send long, eloquent emails to each other, discussing their despair about the climate crisis, consumerism, family issues, religion, romantic relationships, socialist ideals, the ugliness of the modern world and a fascinating, salutary period of history called the Late Bronze Age Collapse. Rooney says that although the geography of her characters’ settings and lives are drawn from her own – “I set my books in worlds that I know” – her imagination fuels their interior lives.

The material reality of the characters has to be grounded in stuff that I actually know. It’s the same reason that all my characters are Irish. I’m Irish. I live in Ireland. Most of my friends are Irish. I feel more grounded in that reality

“I think what my imagination is good at, if it’s good at anything, is coming up with psychological realities,” says Rooney, who is a former editor and now director of the literary magazine the Stinging Fly. “But what I’m not good at coming up with from scratch is an actual world, like jobs, houses, class, social circles … The material reality of the characters has to be grounded in stuff that I actually know. It’s the same reason that all my characters are Irish. I’m Irish. I live in Ireland. Most of my friends are Irish. I feel more grounded in that reality … I am not attempting to disguise it. I absolutely talk about a lot of the stuff that comes directly from my own life,” but, she adds, “that doesn’t mean the way the characters feel about those things is the same.”

At one point Alice complains about her newfound literary fame to Eileen: “Every day I wonder why my life has turned out this way … having articles written about me and seeing my photograph on the Internet”. And she asks: “What is the relationship of the famous author to their famous books anyway. What do the books gain by being attached to me, my face, my mannerisms in all their demoralising specificity? Nothing. So why, why, is it done this way?”

I’m curious about how much of Rooney is in Alice Kelleher. “It’s funny,” she says. “When I wrote those emails I really felt like I was getting into character to write them … I felt angry for Alice, and I did feel the emotional truth of what she was saying really rang true for me.”

She points out that Eileen offers a robust counter to her more successful friend’s self-pity. “Eileen is saying yeah to an extent, sure, but also cop on a bit … let’s keep some perspective. So when I was writing the Alice sections I felt, yeah, I really identify with this, but when I was writing the Eileen sections I was, like, no, this is the sensible person.”

Sally Rooney at the Hay Festival in 2017. Photograph: David Levenson/Getty

What interested Rooney, she says, was the “back-and-forth flow” between friends. The “deep understanding and empathy” and also the resistance between them: “Everything is so hard for you, but what about me?”

“I do think they both agree that some aspects of what has happened to Alice’s life have been a bit mad and difficult,” Rooney continues. “I do feel sorry for Alice, but I think her experience has been very different from mine … I’m married, and I have had a very settled life in comparison, I think, to the character of Alice … I certainly didn’t go writing about my own life. No.”

Alice is preoccupied by the corrosive nature of modern celebrity. I ask Rooney about fame, and she says she has been thinking about the subject in relation to people she describes as “really famous, not like me, not like Alice”, people like Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles.

Often very young people are thrust into public life with very little say over how they ended up there; they just happen to be very gifted, whether it be tennis or acting or some other skill or gift they want to share with the world

«And I’ve been watching the coverage of Britney Spears and the legal process in the States. That’s a level of celebrity that’s really heightened and constant and very intrusive … Often very young people are thrust into public life with very little say over how they ended up there; they just happen to be very gifted, whether it be tennis or acting or some other skill or gift they want to share with the world. And they suddenly end up in the position where their every move is watched and scrutinised and people are having debates about them on social media … I think it’s quite a disturbing phenomenon. And I don’t think we have quite enough of a cultural discourse or a mature enough public conversation about why this keeps happening.»

Rooney, who has spoken in the past about her Marxist view of the world, points out that although very famous people “are enormously privileged in the sense they’re usually very wealthy, because they get paid very well”, there is a sinister aspect to extreme scrutiny. “And I think we are now seeing more people speaking out about how negative that experience can be, as well as it being a privilege.”

Rooney is keen to emphasise that this has not been her experience. People do approach her to say they love her books, but she is not being harassed or chased down the street by paparazzi. “It’s different from what I’ve been through. But I do think even what I’ve been through, on that relatively minor level, is a challenging experience at times … There are moments”.

Sally Rooney photographed in Dublin by Ellius Grace/New York Times

At one point in Beautiful World, Where Are You Alice vents to Eileen: “Whatever I can do, whatever insignificant talent I might have, people just expect me to sell it – I mean literally, sell it – for money, until I have a lot of money and no talent left. And that’s it, I’m finished and the next flashy twenty-five-year-old with an impending psychological collapse comes along.”

Rooney says she is not writing about her own life, but there are many paragraphs in the book that will make readers wonder.

A POTTED HISTORY of Sally Rooney: She grew up in Castlebar, Co Mayo, not far from where she lives now, with a younger sister and an older brother in a house full of books and dinner-table chats about socialism, feminism and politics. Both parents were great readers. Her mother ran the Linenhall Arts Centre; her father worked for Telecom Éireann. She attended a creative-writing group as a teenager. She wrote a novel at the age of 15 that we’ll probably never see. She excelled at Trinity College, where she was elected a scholar – a hotly contested academic distinction – and became, at one stage, the top university debater in Europe.

It was an essay on her debating experiences, Even If You Beat Me, that drew Rooney to the attention of the literary agent Tracy Bohan. Eventually, Rooney gave Bohan the manuscript of Conversations with Friends. There was a seven-way bidding war between publishers. The rest is herstory.

At heart, as with all her work, Rooney’s new novel is a story about the life-enhancing, life-changing power of romantic and Platonic love. While the two women characters endeavour to find beauty in a disappointing world, they share details of their love lives. Alice, postbreakdown, is living a sort of hermit life in a west of Ireland seaside town and dating a local man, Felix, who works in a warehouse. They are two characters who would not normally find each other were it not for a dating app. Meanwhile, Eileen has resumed flirting with her childhood friend Simon, an exceptionally good-looking, Mass-going strategist for a small left-wing political party.

I particularly enjoyed the male characters, I tell her. Rooney says, “At the end of the day, the most gratifying thing to hear is still when people say, ‘Oh, I just fell in love with this character…’ For me, those have been the most important reading experiences … They changed my life as a reader.”

She says she’s working on a new book and looking forward to seeing Conversations with Friends the TV series, which is being made by Element Pictures, which also adapted Normal People.

Conversations with Friends stars Joe Alwyn, the long-term partner of Taylor Swift, who also happens to be a Rooney fan. Is Rooney in contact with Swift? «We haven’t been in touch,» Rooney says, smiling. And she laughs when I show her a copy of Paul Howard’s new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly book, Normal Sheeple. I tell her part of the plot is Ross meeting a teacher called Marianne at Irish college, and it features pages of stilted Marianne-and-Connell-inspired dialogue.

Sally Rooney photographed in Dublin by Ellius Grace/New York Times

How does she feel about publishers clamouring to find “the next Sally Rooney” and the suggestion, sometimes put forward, that other young women writers might be copying her style?

“To be honest, I think a lot of the people who’ve been described that way probably never even read my books and had no notion of wanting to copy my style or anything like that. But it’s usually their publishers marketing their books in that particular way. So I don’t think writers are falling over themselves trying to write one of my books.” Except for Paul Howard, I say. “Well, except people writing parodies, yes,” she says, smiling again.

“Hopefully, if it’s had any positive effect, there is a sense that young women are now more prominent in the publishing industry than they were when I was first published. And that’s not all due to me, obviously. Not at all. But maybe that has helped to create a bit more space for the voices of young women … It would be nice to let each writer stand on their own work and not be ceaselessly comparing them … I can only imagine it must get kind of annoying … I don’t think anybody is crying out to be compared to me.”

I do worry about preserving the boundary between my public and private lives, in a media environment that is not always respectful of that boundary. That has been difficult at times

Our time is nearly up. I ask Rooney if she’s happy. “With my life?” she asks. “Yeah. I mean, I do find publishing a book very stressful, to be honest. And so, knowing that my book is about to come out, I’m a bit on edge all the time. But other than that I have a lovely life. I mean, I’m so, so grateful that I get to do what I do for a living, to write for a living, and I’m so grateful for …”

I don’t get to hear the rest of what Sally Rooney is grateful for, because the meeting comes to an abrupt end. The 45 minutes is over. We’re disconnected.

Sally Rooney, where are you?

I STILL HAVE a few questions. That afternoon I email her publicist to ask if he’ll send them on to her. I like the idea of sending an email to Rooney, who features that mode of communication so prominently in her books, along with bus, map, taxi and messaging apps that add texture to her character’s worlds. A few days later Rooney responds. These are my questions and her replies.

I turned up like a saddo, alone, to your book launch in 2017. How has your life changed and how has it stayed the same since that night? And how do you stay grounded?

«Haha! I was very glad you came along that night – it was lovely to meet you. To answer the question, my life has changed dramatically in some ways, but on a day-to-day level it’s largely the same – I have all the same friends and family, obviously, and I still spend most of my time writing and reading. I don’t really worry about staying «grounded» as such, because I have always been pretty introverted and I don’t really enjoy being the centre of attention (!). But I do worry about preserving the boundary between my public and private lives, in a media environment that is not always respectful of that boundary. So that has been difficult at times.»

Can you tell me more about your upbringing from a feminist and socialist perspective?

«My parents have definitely influenced my values and political outlook. They are both feminists and socialists, and both raised me to believe very passionately in the equality of all human beings. But they were also normal parents, working full-time, trying to raise three small children. They weren’t sitting us down in the evenings and making us recite passages of The Communist Manifesto or anything like that. I learned from them mostly by example – they live by their principles and I hope that I try to live by mine.»

Has material success changed or challenged your socialist outlook?

«Haha – no! My views have not changed in that sense. In our current labour market, certain workers are rewarded far more than what their real contributions seem to merit, while most others are rewarded far less. I am now in the first category, for sure, but that doesn’t change my overall view of the system. And in fact, I might even suggest that it makes sense for the system to single out and personally enrich particular individual artists and critics. Theoretically, those individuals might then be less likely to use their position to criticise the system that has enriched them. And if they did go on criticising the system despite their new personal wealth, it might be easier to dismiss those criticisms as the complaints of the privileged. So all I can say is that this seems to make sense to me as a feature of our present cultural marketplace, and it hasn’t changed my outlook at all.»

Given the title of your new book, where do you find beauty and joy in the world?

«Well – reading novels, of course! I also love music, and I play a little bit myself, though not very well. And I enjoy the intellectual elegance of chess (for which I have no talent at all). The outside world is always a great source of beauty – flowers and trees, and houses with people in them. But nothing brings me as much joy and meaning as long meandering conversations with the people I love.»

SALLY ROONEY, WHERE ARE YOU? There she is, in the captivating, addictive, illuminating Conversations with Friends, Normal People and now Beautiful World, Where Are You. She’s there, in all those thoughts on love and friendship and sexuality and religion and art and humanity, laid out on the page in moving, provocative, truthful, elegant sentences.

Rooney’s books are not for everyone. No books ever are. And few successful people, especially women, escape a mauling. “You have some big fans on the Internet,” one character in the book tells Alice, who replies, “Yes I believe so. Also a lot of people who hate me and wish me ill.”

One Irish online publication put up a poll that asked its readers, “Are you a fan of Sally Rooney’s books?”, a question sure to invite criticism and old-fashioned begrudgery in the comments section. Recently a widely shared critique in an Australian newspaper attacked Rooney’s books for elitism, lack of diversity and “excessive tea drinking” – an amusing accusation to level at an Irish novelist writing about Irish people. I’m inclined to agree with another Irish author, Eimear McBride, who said recently, while discussing Rooney and misogyny in publishing, “This wildly successful woman, who is probably one of the most powerful people in the literary world, can do whatever the hell she wants. I think you can see a lot of rage towards her.”

“My sturdy peasant ancestors did little to prepare me for a career as a widely despised celebrity novelist” is one of many lines that jumps out from the new novel.

Beautiful World, Where Are You is Sally Rooney’s third novel

SALLY ROONEY, WHERE ARE YOU? Beautiful World, Where Are You opens with a quote from the Italian writer Natalia Ginzburg that reads, in part: «But there is one corner of my mind in which I know very well what I am, which is a small, very small writer. I swear I know it. But that doesn’t matter much to me.»

The quote resonates deeply with Rooney, and what she says about it when I bring it up tells us more about her than any lukewarm online critique or detail from her pandemic wedding. «I remember reading that quote for the first time, and I had the pen out, underlining it 100 times,» she says. «I feel so strongly connected to that, because it’s, first of all, it’s kind of grounding when there’s so much happening, when there’s so much noise and hype around the book,» she says. «You remember, like, I’m just a small writer, you know, and also it’s still a worthwhile life to live. Even if you’re only writing the same books about friendship and love, that’s still a life worth living.»

Róisín Ingle

Róisín Ingle is an Irish Times columnist, feature writer and coproducer of the Irish Times Women’s Podcast

Источник

Always Left Feeling Not Good Enough? The Real Reasons Why

But deep down still are left feeling not good enough?

I feel like a failure

Low self-worth often stems from very deep-rooted issues. This becomes clear looking at the common reasons for not feeling good enough.

[Want to talk to someone about your secret beliefs you are not good enough? Book a Skype session with a therapist you like, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]

7 Reasons For Feeling Not Good Enough

1.You have hidden core beliefs that are running the show.

The thoughts we actually hear in our heads are far less powerful than those that lurk in our unconscious. Low self worth is inevitably connected to the buried and hidden assumptions about the world, others, and ourselves that we mistake as fact.

For example, a child with a parent who suddenly leaves one day without offering a reason is not evolved to understand an adult having a mental breakdown, or running off for space after a fight. In the child’s mind, the core belief ‘if you love someone they leave you’ takes hold. Even if the parent comes back a few days later the belief sticks, and the child grows into an adult who never lets anyone close.

2. If you listen deeply, your inner voice is actually critical and judgemental.

It is easy is to convince ourselves we are ‘positive thinkers’.

And yet many of us don’t actually take the time to properly listen to our thoughts. If we do, we might discover it’s a radio show of negativity.

Mindfulness is a wonderful technique for slowing down enough to hear your thoughts clearly. It is about listening and letting go to thoughts without judgement. Learn more in our free ‘Guide to Mindfulness’.

3. You surround yourself with critical people.

Of course some of us don’t even need negative thoughts to ensure we always feel not good enough. We let other people do the job for us by consciously choosing toxic friendships and unhealthy relationships.Then others put us down no matter how hard we try.

4. You had critical, demanding, or aloof parent(s).

Yes, perhaps you had a ‘good childhood’. You lived in a nice house, your parents never divorced. You never wanted for anything.

But then again, perhaps you did. Perhaps you wanted for the approval and love that every child needs.

If your parent(s) always wanted you to smarter, or quieter, or sportier, or if they favoured your sibling….? Whatever it was, the message was that you were not enough as is. It might have just been that your parent was not good at loving due to their own unresolved issues.

As children we naturally seek approval and love. So we learn to suffocate our real personality and become the ‘good’ child, at the price of turning into an adult who never feels a sense of worth.

5. You main caregiver couldn’t offer you stability or safety.

Some children have a parent who is simply unable to offer them an environment of safety where they can trust their parent to be there for them. Perhaps you parent was an alcoholic, suffered depression, or was in a toxic relationship that demanded all their attention.

If a parent is unwell the child can feel responsible for the parent’s happiness. If only you acted a certain way, did certain things, were somehow a better/smarter child your parent would be ok. But of course a child can’t fix such a parent or situation. So their endless codependency evolves into a belief they are not good enough somehow.

6. You didn’t get enough ‘attachment’ as a kid.

What both these points about parenting involve is not having a caregiver who was able to offer unconditional love and trust, or what is called ‘attachment’ in psychology.

Attachment theory believes that for the first seven years of life a child absolutely needs unconditional love and to be able to trust his or her primary caregiver. If this doesn’t happen, we can end up with ‘ anxious attachment ’, which involves never trusting yourself or others and lacking confidence.

7. You experienced strong trauma(s) in the past.

Of course one way to develop negative core beliefs quickly as a child does not necessarily involve poor parenting.

Childhood trauma decimates a child’s sense of worth.

Most children feel responsible for the trauma, particularly if it is physical abuse or sexual abuse. They internalise the idea they are bad and worthless, so deserved it.

So is feeling not good enough always all about the past?

It is inevitable that the environments and experiences of our childhood affected us. Of course there are other factors. Some of us born with a naturally more sensitive personality, for example, so suffer more.

And sometimes it is a marked trauma as an adult that leaves us not feeling good enough, such as a betrayal. Even then, though, we will find our confidence an self-worth suffers more, and we take longer to recuperate, if we had previous trauma in our early life or poor parenting.

What sorts of therapy help?

If trawling through your past just isn’t your thing, take heart. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is shown to raise self-esteem, and it does so by focusing on your present day issues and changing the way you respond to thoughts.

And humanistic therapies like person-centred therapy can help your confidence by showing you the personal resources you already have, and helping you grow these inner resources and use them to make better choices. Or try compassion-focused therapy (CFT), which teaches you how to be gentler with yourself and others.

Still have a question about low self worth? Post in our comment box below.

Andrea M. Darcy is our lead writer. She grew up in a radical fear-based Christian group that meant she hit adulthood with no self-esteem and had to build it herself. These days, feeling good about herself is second nature.

Thank you for your site I get all kinds of helpful information.

Damn after reading all that was written, and all that I have been through, perhaps I should seek someone to help me get through this issue (although I do not think it is possible) my loving, adoring parents bitterly divorced when I was 2, my father killed himself when I was 6, I was raped by my step father at 10, I married at 17, and it just spiraled from there. Damn when I spell it out for you it sounds depressing, I am 53, I don’t know why I have started drinking like there is no tomorrow (and I did not have this problem before) I do have a few medical issues. Both my parents are now dead. I have been married 5 times, divorced 3, widowed 1, and am currently married to a man who puts up with a lot. I have lived a lot, loved a lot, lost a lot. I have 7 children, 2 biological, 2 blessed thru adoption, 3 step children. I don’t know what I am looking for, possibly peace.

Hi Tia first of all, that is a lot for any person to go through. So give yourself some credit for being here to share this. Second of all, it is possible that you can move through the effects of all this and see real change and peace. Regarding the drinking, the mind is a funny thing. Sometimes we can hold back memories and emotions for a very long time then some small thing will trigger everything. Are you thinking of counselling? A good counsellor would create a safe space for you to unpack all the unresolved emotions it sounds like you’ve never had time to process. And they are unbaised, they don’t rely on you to be a certain way, or judge you.

I feel less alllll the time.. Nothing feels rite.. I feel worthless alot of times especially when im around people.. I dont believe in theraphy.. How can i heal… 🙁

What does that mean when you say that, “I don’t believe in therapy?” What part don’t you believe in?

Okay.
That all makes sense. And I get how it could effect lots of beautiful humans.. but None of which effect me. Yet I have suffered threw much insecurities related to learning, image and self worth. I am still a people pleaser to a fault. however am always falling short. Feeling then worse… I come from avery loving family, single child with supportive parents. yet I suffered threw so much depression, learning disabilities and self hate when I was 8- current. I have learnd to manage myself… but it is still somethind deep routed. And I do not understand it.
Everything I read is similar to this…. i need help.
anyone have an Idea.

Hi there, thanks for sharing. Are you sure it al doesn’t effect you? As we see point 1 and 2 even just in this comment. If we all knew exactly what had traumatised or upset us or led us to have low self esteem and negative beliefs about ourselves, then nobody would ever have depression or anxiety. The mind represses and hides things to help us cope – until we aren’t. Discovering these things is not an overnight process or something someone else can do for you. It’s a journey. One you have to commit to. We’d suggest you consider counselling if you really want to get to the bottom of it. Good luck.

Hi Conrad, probably you are typing because no matter how hard it gets a tiny part of you still has hope and doesn’t believe that death is the answer. We’d say we strongly agree with that tiny part. We are sorry to hear you were bunged on drugs as a child. It’s a very American way of doing things. Note that therapy and drugs are not the same thing. And just putting a child on drugs without proper support merely masks symptoms over helps the child. By the way, there are large scale research studies that show that therapy often does work. But it’s definitely not a magic wand. What we see in your comment, Conrad, by the way, is a lot of extreme thinking. When we are depressed or feeling lost our mind can become addicted to cognitive distortions. Thoughts that aren’t actually reality but we tell ourselves are. What type of therapy did you try, we are curious? What would be useful would be to start by working on those wild thoughts telling you you are not loveable or should just die or that nothing works. They are, by the way, just thoughts, not who you are. Who you are is bigger and better than any mere thought.

Our last child of 5 (4 boys), was the sweetest, gentlest, thoughtful child and continues to be at age 26. At 16 she began lying and used her attractiveness for attention and approval. She spoke of everyone else’s inappropriate behavior in a gossiping way, but then would secretly “one-up” them. Began seeking to hang with wilder side peers, quite opposite than who she claimed she was. The disturbing thing is that she continues this behavior, but blames others (who have adored and made solid lifetime memories with her) who remain in constant sincere interest in her, for her “not feeling good enough” around them. Her behavior is not consistent with the intentional parenting she received, together with values and a positive encouraging home life. She does have anxiety and I believe she witnessed more than her share with a brother who is bi polar, another oppositional defiance and a third diagnosed with BPD.

Hi there Linda. There is a lot going on in this comment. Quite honestly there feels a struggle here to present vs what you feel. For example, you say your daughter continues to be ‘sweet, gentle, thoughtful’. Then go on to label her as anything but. And there seems a high anxiety to find who to blame, and to make it very clear it is not about parenting. In our experience making things about fault and blame within family units just lead to disconnection. Families are working units.Everyone affects the other, and the way one person sees things is not the way the other does. The way one person experiences and feels things is not the way the other does. And note we have never come across perfect parenting. Ever. Parents make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. There is no manual. Parents hurt kids despite best intentions, and kids upset parents despite best intentions. Families are messy. But the best parenting involves being honest about that, or risk alienating your children. We wonder if with so many other children already with their own set of problems your daughter felt pressured to live up to your desire she be ‘sweet, gentle’, etc. Which no child ever is all time unless they are trying to please a parent. If so, they spend a childhood trying to meet a parent’s expectations that they be a ‘good child’ then explode out all their repressed sadness and anger later on as they try to figure out who they actually are. Perhaps as a teen she needed to try being less than perfect. Seems pretty human to us. As does gossiping, a bit of hanging out with a wild crowd. I mean aren’t we essentially gossiping about her right now? She is also an adult now, 26. Which means it’s now entirely up to her how to be. The best a parent can do is try to love an adult child to the best of their ability, and set boundaries around the things you don’t or can’t accept in your own house and interactions. Other than that, she’s beyond your control.Finally we sense a lot of anger here, actually. And we wonder if it would not actually be more powerful and useful for you to, instead of trying to figure your daughter out, which is up to her now, to spend time with a counsellor looking at all your own feelings over raising children that didn’t meet your expectations and what this need to appear so perfect is actually about. Good luck.

Hi Jason, does anger have to be placed somewhere? Is it okay to just have anger that needs to be processed in a healthy way? We are human and we all make mistakes and the fact that you realise that is great. But the emotions are still there, beyond our adult reasoning. That’s one of the reasons therapy exists, to help us process these emotions we don’t know what to do with.

Hi Jackie, that’s an awful lot for one person to deal with. We are sure, however, you are more than all this. More than just what you have experienced, and with inner resources despite it all. We hope that you have sought some support on all this as it’s a lot to navigate alone.

I’m constantly kind, caring, sweet, loving, supportive to everyone in my life I help my friends through their problems but when it comes to my self I’ve always hated how I look (chubbish) I feel like bursting into tears because I’m not good enough. I surround myself with positive people but always feel like how are they so motivated and happy in life when all I am is a 18year old bloke who cares for his eplitec mother and has no motivation to stay in shape and cant even stay happy when alone. Always feel alone

Hi Kyle, what you are describing is a classic case of codependency, and it’s very common to use a codependent approach to all our relationships if we grew up taking care of a parent, always having to be responsible and ‘good’ as our parent isn’t well. Codependency means we have learned to base our identity and sense of self and worth around pleasing others. We don’t realise that we have worth just for being who we are, ‘warts and all’. The problem is that we if we are always trying to be ‘good’ and ‘acceptable’ we have to repress a lot of things about ourselves. We can lose sight of who we really are, and then feel lost, and yes, lonely. We are lonely because we are always actually acting, and never being our real selves. The truth is that we are acceptable and worthy even if we aren’t ‘kind, caring, supportive’ all the time. We are worthy and acceptable even if we are sad, upset, angry. Real relationships are based on being all of ourselves and accepting others for being all of their selves. We recommend you use the search bar to find our pieces on codependency and on authentic relationships. And also to seek support if you can. Is there a counsellor at school you would comfortable talking to? Note there are also great free help lines here in the UK with really nice trained volunteers happy to take your call with many just for people your age and if you don’t want to call you can text or email http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. Best, HT

I have always had that feeling of never being good enough, and I knew a lot of that was from seeing the accomplishments of those I was surrounded by and by what I think makes someone good enough. One of the craziest things is I never really applied those things to anyone else. When I think about it, to me, everyone is good enough, except me, because I know my story, I don’t know anyone else’s. While reading this, I realized that part of it was also how I grew up. I was a naturally very angry and hateful child, because of that, I didn’t really have a very loving relationship with any of my 7 siblings or my parents, I was the child you avoided. The kind who slept for the first 9 months of my life and hasn’t slept since. I can’t blame anyone though, I did terrible things, said terrible things to people. I’m 16, and those relationships only really started improving a few years ago, I am much better now I think. Less violent, less cruel. But I know that in their eyes, I will never be good enough, especially in my dad’s, so to me, I never will be good enough, and sometimes, that reminder, in addition to the one that pop up in life, just leave me feeling more than not good enough, they leave me feeling worthless, like a piece of garbage that needs to be taken out. I know this is kind of long and you’ve got better things to do than read some dumb teenage girl’s personal issues, so I’ll leave this at that.

Hi there Evin, we don’t actually believe any child is ‘naturally angry and hateful’, unless you are one in about a million children born with psychopathy, which would mean you were never here feeling guilty writing this comment. Children are angry because they experience things that overwhelm them or don’t receive the love and acceptance they need to thrive. We can imagine, for example, it was hard to get much attention with that many siblings. Also, we all do and say terrible things. It doesn’t make us a terrible person. It makes us a person who has said terrible things. So we’d say we are sure you are not at all a terrible person, just a person going through a lot who feels lonely and unloved. but who has all the potential that anyone else does and can do great things with her life. Finally, you are sixteen. It’s tough being a teen. Your brain is still growing, your body is flooded with hormones, you are still figuring out who you are. It’s actually normal to be self judgemental as a teen, to feel lost and unhappy. That said, your level of self-esteem seems extremely low and there is clearly an issue with your father. So it would be great if you had someone to talk to. Is there a counsellor at your school you would feel comfortable talking to? Also note that if you are in USA, Canada, UK, etcetera, they have free help lines for teens. Google for one in your country. Best, HT

My boyfriend has always had issues with not feeling good enough. Have been trying to help him work through them as much as I can. It is definitely 4, 6 and 7. He always refers to his sister as the “favorite” and that she can do no wrong. I however, learned from speaking to her about her childhood, this is now how she feels when it comes to their parents. He has also expressed to me that he took certain paths because what he wanted to do with his life was basically said to not be a good way ( this definitely affected the path he those for a career) leaving him feeing pushed into things and now later on in adulthood especially with what is going on now in the world like he wasted his whole life even doing what he chose to do. He has decided to go back to school for something new, but something he has always had interest in which is a very good and positive thing. With that positive switch though, he is now overly concerned with finances. He has always says that everyone in his life has screwed him over with the exception of myself and a had full of others. We do not have really any friends that we get to hang out with regularly. He has also has relationships that have failed him or he hit on him. I am the first who try’s to talk to him about these issues and do everything I can to keep positive reinforcement in out life and relationship. He has his good times and his bad. I just wish I knew of more ways to help him not feel this way. He takes things in all the time and then he makes the smallest blunder, even if it is not even a big deal, and then blames himself. He is an amazing person, I want so desperately to help him see that.

Hi Leann, we understand your desire to support someone you love. But we see a lot of red flags here. Being the only person someone turns to is a lot for anyone to navigate. We notice you don’t talk about yourself at all. How much of your life is consumed by ‘fixing’ his life? And dealing with his sorrows? If your life is so consumed by him you don’t even have friends we’d recommend you do some research on codependency and healthy vs unhealthy relationships. As for your boyfriend, we can’t change another person or ‘love them better’. Yes, we can support the people we love. But the only person who can change him is him. And the best way to support someone is also to take care of ourselves, to lead by example. Read about codependency here http://bit.ly/codependentall Best, HT

I have experienced a lifetime of abuse, starting when I was a baby by my father, and even married an abusive man. I have struggled with self worth all my life. I have tried with everything in me to move past it all. I try to eliminate toxic people from my life. I try to make friends and I try to be a good friend to people, but it feels like whenever I need someone to be there for me that everyone disappears. That ends up destroying my self worth even more. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sick of feeling this way. I’m sick of feeling like I don’t have anyone. Suicide has crossed my mind and feels very much like a viable option.

Meg, what you are describing is actually a classic side effect of abuse. We become entrenched in certain ways of seeing the world and unconsciously create patterns by the decisions we make, unable to see that we are creating them because trauma has made our brain see a certain way. These patterns involve people rejecting us or making us feel unworthy. We unconsciously choose the very people who might do that even. There are some things here, such as using the word ‘eliminate’ and feeling totally rejected and abandoned, plus having suicidal thoughts and extreme low self esteem, which could be red flags for emotive personality disorder, common in women particularly who went through childhood abuse. (It’s also called borderline personality disorder, but there is actually nothing ‘borderline’ to it). So what we’d say is… you have to gather up all your courage and seek support. These sorts of heavily entrenched patterns are really really hard if not impossible to break alone. We suggest you read our article on therapies that help trauma survivors as not all therapies are helpful so it’s important you choose a good one and find a therapist you think you can grow to trust. http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma Finally, don’t give up on yourself. People who have gone through trauma have many gifts to share with the world. They are often sensitive, caring, creative, and loving. And the world needs a lot more of that, wouldn’t you agree? Best, HT

Hi Morgan. This isn’t love. This is abuse and trauma bonding. If we grow up without unconditional love or safety, we often think that trauma is love. Read our article on trauma bonds here. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/what-is-trauma-bonding.htm They are very hard to break, as you can see you are so addicted to this man you have even lost your daughter. You have to reach out for help. Look for a woman’s charity near you that helps women in abusive situations, and gather up your courage to contact them.

What if you’ve had all those problems since you were born? I doubt any counselor would solve fix or even scratch the surface of any of it. Not to mention not keen on it anymore since last so called therapist straight told me it (that is being RAPED by my step dad for most of my childhood) was all my fault AND on top of that tried to force me to live in this halfway house kind of thing where I would not have been allowed ANY contact from the outside world not even a phone call or any personal belongings not to mention I was pregnant then and she wanted to “remove” my baby til she deemed me “cured and ready or force me to adopt him out” (I was 18 then) ARE YOU SERIOUS. I told her off and left. Haven’t trusted counseling since. So I’m good on that. I just wanna know why after so many years of trying to be better so somebody would finally think I’m good enough am I still not good enough?? I literally put myself last my children my husband even people I can’t stand come before me and yet I’m just trash and no its not in my head I’ve literally had EVERY person I’ve ever known straight say to my face that I’m “worthless, trash, waste of space, pos, loser, they wish I would just die” etc so tell me how to fix that I wonder literally EVERYBODY not just some people people I barely know people I’ve known my whole life and every stage of passerby to lifelong in between has used any variations of those words and yet I’ve never done anything to any of them to deserve it. I’ve wracked my brain and cried myself to sleep for years wondering why and trying to figure out what I ever did wrong. I was ripped away from the only parent figure that ever loved me and then they died before they even knew half of what was happening and I’ve had no love since even my husband ignores me and would rather talk to other women don’t know if he’s full blown cheating but he sure don’t want me now haven’t made love in 5 years every time there’s “sex” it’s only for him and its over before I even start. My kids are miserable cuz I can’t take care of 4 kids 4 animals and a house and everything else by myself but I try cuz nobody helps. So yeah when you find a cure for all that you let me know. PS all that and I just turned only 32!

Hi there. So you are very angry. Enraged, really. Whether you realise it or not, this is the vibe you are sending loud and clear even just in an internet comment. And we get it. Life can be really hard. You aren’t alone in that. We work with thousands of client who have lived through horrific things. In fact most people at some point face very difficult experiences. But if all you are doing is emanating fury then you are not going to attract supportive kind people. You are going to attract people who want to fight with you. You are sending out the message whether you realise it or not that you WANT a fight. Then there are core beliefs. The things that we deep down believe about ourselves, hidden in our unconscious. And these beliefs, like it or not, control our decisions. So we can say we don’t want to be treated badly, but deep down, if our core belief is, ‘I am worthless’, we will unconsciously make choices to ‘prove’ this true, including choosing to be around people we unconsciously know will put us down. So you are saying due to one bad experience you will never ever seek help again. Have you ever eaten something bad and then had stomach upset? Did you then decide to never ever eat again? Have one bad date then decide to never ever date again? Just to point out that basing your entire future on one bad experience isn’t helpful. There are bad therapists. Therapists are people, not robots, they can be flawed. There are also millions of good therapists. Given your history, you need support. Either you gather up your courage and seek it, knowing that finding a therapist might be like dating and you need to be patient until you find one you click with. You have very heavy trust issues so you have to expect not to like a therapist at first. To stick it out anyway. To find someone you feel down the line you might one day trust, then stick it out. Or start by finding a support group or start committing to a serious path of recovery and reading books and seeking courses etc. Or, other option, you can spend the rest of your life enraged and feeling beyond help and like it’s everyone else’s fault. But you are an adult now. You are a powerful person. You have the power to make different choices every single day. You just need the help to have the courage to leave your comfort zone of fury and self pity and make those different choices. But you have to decide that, nobody else can make that decision for you. We think you deserve that, don’t you? Best, HT.

I am the worlds biggest piece of shit. I am a waste of air, I need to give the world one less pollutant i have kids that are now grown they no longer need me. I am married to a man that has never been faithful, I would be replaced the moment I take my last breath. Life needs less pollutants, give the world back what it really needs.

Hi AA, sounds like you need someone to talk to. Don’t hesitate to call a free helpline, that’s what they are there for and there are kind people on the other end. Here’s our list of ones where we are in the UK http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines if you aren’t in the UK, google for the ones where you live. Best, HT.

Hi Cody, what are these ‘alternatives’ you are turning to? Is any of them seeking support? Expecting any relationship to fix you is not only not healthy it’s a sure fire way to implode the relationship and leave yourself feeling far worse. The person who has to fix all this is you, there is no ‘saviour’ except for you. But the good news is that you absolutely have the ability to fix this. But of course doing it alone is hard, and if you knew HOW to fix it you would have already, right? We get that. Therapists don’t fix it for you, they just help you see the inner resources you didn’t know you had, help you put them to use, and then help you realise who you really are behind all this people pleasing, as well as release the repressed emotions and experiences that keep you stuck in cycles of unhelpful behaviour, such as pushing everyone away but then demanding too much/being clingy if you do get near love. (By the way the article talks about attachment. If you use our search bar to find our article on ‘anxious attachment’ we think you’ll understand yourself better). So you are the one who has to fix it, but a therapist can show you how, does that make sense? So look. Reach out for support. This stuff doesn’t just vanish. No relationship or person makes it vanish. It requires the courage to commit to sorting it out. If you read the article you’ll see it discusses a lot of what you’ve been through, and at the bottom it suggests types of therapy that can help. We wish you courage! Best, HT.

And sometimes people do not feel good enough, simply because they are not good enough… and how to deal with that?

Not good enough for what? We have yet to meet someone who is not good enough to be here on this earth, who does not have inner resources, who does not have the potential to help others. We have met a lot of people in terrible emotional pain, or who have done things they are not proud of. But every day we have the right to make different choices. Best, HT.

All my life I have been told that I am not pretty enough, not good enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not anything enough really. And because of that, for a very long time I actually never felt good enough for anything. It also made me very uncomfortable when other people where looking at me for a longer time, because I had to think it was due to the fact that I didn’t look good enough and I am ugly or stupid. I slowly let go of these thoughts, but sometimes they still haunt me.

Hi Alison, well worth booking some counselling sessions over, which would help. Best, HT.

Hi there Calvin, there is a lot going on here. Where to start. All things best worked through with a counsellor who can truly get to know you, but we’ll offer a few pointers. First, this idea you have to be ‘fixed’. That is in itself part of the problem. It’s a self perspective that is self perpetuating. I am flawed, I am broken… I will unconsciously continue to make decisions that prove this true… what if you WEREN’T broken? Just… human? Doing your best? Could you even consider what it might be like to extend that sort of self compassion to yourself? Self compassion has been found to raise self esteem http://bit.ly/selfcompassionHT. Second, the idea that you are all at fault for relationship problems. Not possible. Relationships are 50/50. Two people. A woman who dates a man with self esteem and trust issues will have her own issues to deal with, yes? Perhaps she is controlling, demanding, manipulative, who knows… we don’t know anything about her, but we are sure she is far from perfect, note how she has cut you out cold, for example. So you can’t do this to ‘fix’ a relationship. You can only fix you. Any ex partners have to face up to their own responsibility for what went wrong. If they are in victim mode and totally blaming you, well that is their issue right there. We are not saying you didn’t make mistakes. We ALL do. We are saying it’s not possible another person isn’t 50% of the situation. Finally, this is not about the last girlfriend. This is, as you can see, something that goes right through all relationships. It will be a pattern of thinking and relating you learned as a child. So seek help as, yes, you are tired of not being able to trust and want to like yourself and recognise that you are a worthwhile guy with tons to offer, and yes, to stop beating yourself up and constantly feeling worthless when you make mistakes like we all do. But sound like you have a lot to offer. Go to therapy to recognise where these patterns come from and find new ways of thinking and relating that mean you finally stop this endless pattern of choosing relationships where you can’t be fully yourself and to find the comfort, safety, and love we all deserve. But don’t go to therapy thinking it will win anyone back. Especially a woman who has clearly moved on. We wish you courage. We believe you would find therapy very useful, consider reading our article on therapies that help with relating http://bit.ly/findlovetherapy Best, HT.

Thank you for your response, I know that I didn’t tell you anything about her, so therefore you are giving me the basic building blocks to make myself feel better. The truth is that she has never been manipulative, controlling or abusive to me in any way shape or form. She has been the love of my life and I let my own personal problems get in the way of me marrying her. I will be seeking counseling locally here in my hometown. Again thank you for all of the encouragement.

Honestly Calvin we are just being straight up. We would never say something just to make someone feel better, that would be inauthentic. It’s impossible for any human to be perfect, although some do act it, in what is known as codependency, forming their personality around pleasing the other at the cost of being properly honest and authentic. Nobody is perfect. We are all human and flawed. And note sometimes seeing someone else as perfect and ourselves as a big bad problem is actually quite stressful for the other person as they then have to live up to that. Also note that this tendency comes from low self-esteem. It’s a way to beat ourselves up. To put others on pedestals and ourselves down below. To glaze over the reality of the other person’s flaws so we can endlessly blame ourselves. Relationships are a dance. If one person is making messy steps, it’s a guarantee the other is too, somehow. Do seek counselling, and see what comes up! Best, HT.

When I was 4 my father left us to pursue a gay lifestyle and to focus his efforts on a successful medical practice in my home town. My mother never remarried but worked constantly to keep up with with the demands of being a single mother. She worked nights as a registered nurse to support our family and I relied on my older brother to help take care of me. He was only 18 months older but took on the responsibility to cook dinner and wake me up for school in the morning. My parents remained cordial through the years and my father was in and out of my life. My parents only spoke about medicine when they were together because it was all they ever had in common (aside from my brother and me). But I was always happier when they were together and so I naturally gravitated toward a career in medicine. After I graduated from high school I believed that if I went to college and became a successful doctor that I would be happy and everyone would love me, or perhaps that I could prove my worth and unite my parents again and life would be perfect. It was in my second year of college that I realized my grades weren’t good enough to get into medical school and I dropped my classes and suffered with horrible anxiety and depression for 6 months or more. I sought help and started cognitive therapy as well as antidepressant medication. Despite having below average grades I continued to hold on to hope that I would get into medical school and even repeated some of the courses I needed to make A’s in. I prepared as best I could but my entrance exam still wasn’t competitive and I withdrew my application. I instead enrolled into a masters degree for allied health professionals but always secretly planned to go back to medical school. As life went on I got married and had children and my “Dream” of becoming a doctor faded but the depression continued, perhaps worsened. I had difficulty finding any real fulfilment in my work and jumped from job to job over a 10 year period thinking that things would get better at my next job. It wasn’t until my mid 30’s that I decided to reach out for therapy again to help with anxiety, sleeplessness, job strife, and depression. Despite my best efforts and weekly meetings with my counselor I had a hard time trying to figure out what was underneath my mental illness. What was the source of my depression? To anyone reading this it may be obvious, But it wasn’t so obvious to me. In fact it was a VERY hard thing for me to figure out because it wasn’t something I was overtly conscious of. Sure I could blame it on my childhood. But millions of people have had bad childhoods without it causing depression (or so I believed). After three months working with my therapist this strange idea popped into my head; I “wasn’t enough”. I have been telling myself that I wasn’t good enough to keep my parents together, I wasn’t good enough for my mother to stay home at night when I was a little boy. Through high school I believed I wasn’t tall enough, athletic enough, good looking enough, smart enough, enough, enough, enough. Under the depression was a false belief that I was JUST simply never enough. I began to reflect on this idea over and over in my head and recall prior events in my life where I felt anxious or depressed. In almost every circumstance there was this pervasive belief (of not being good enough) that fueled each instance.
I continue to work with my counselor and still battling depression but I think I am on the right track and remain hopeful for the future. Regards.

MA, thanks for sharing this story, it’s so powerful! We are sure it will inspire other readers. Core beliefs are incredible, they are burrowed in our unconscious and can really rule the show, but once we root them out it can be a real shift. If you were enough, what would you actually want to do? Would it even be medicine at all? The other thing that is interesting is that there seemed to be some sort of sabotage going on with getting into medicine school, as you dropped out and withdrew your application as you decided you wouldn’t make it, instead of taking the chance even if you weren’t perfect or the highest applicant you would have made it through… in other words, your unconscious mind was driving you to ‘prove’ you weren’t good enough. Also note how you even managed to convince yourself you weren’t enough to have depression, if that makes sense… by comparing your own childhood to others. Anyway it’s great to hear you are moving forward, therapy can be a longer journey than we imagined, but when the lightbulbs turn on it makes it all worth it. Best, HT.

My dad passed a few days ago. My mom and a few others try to go on about hothead loved me unconditionally, but I know it’s about 60% horseshit. Never been good enough, won’t matter what I do, I will be be good enough for either of them, I won’t go into all the horror stories. But I have spent a great deal of my life wishing for non existence

Hi there D, so when we are grieving, our thoughts get very extreme and we can experience a lot of anger. So go easy on yourself. When we are young it can be easy to see our parents as our whole world. And to base our sense of self off our family. But as we grow up, then that is no longer healthy. We have to form our own sense of self. Who we are, and what value we have, has to come from ourselves, within, regardless of what anyone else, even our family, thinks. We don’t know your age, but we would guess you are a teen. this is the time in life we start to realise we have to soon be independent and can feel enraged at our parents for letting us down. To then lose a parent during this already difficult time of life is hard. So again, cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to have wild thoughts and emotions. But they are thoughts and emotions, not who you are. Who you are is up to you. And it’s something you’ll start to get more of a handle on as you get older and more independent. For now, take it one day at a time. Reach out to those you trust, friends. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, don’t overlook your school counsellor, that is what they are there for. Or dont’ be afraid to call a free helpline, there are friendly people happy to listen on the other end. best, HT.

Very interesting resources here. I’m not sure where to start. I can never understand why I started out with the issues I had very young when seeming I had a great childhood. The things that stand out the most, when looking back. is a father who didn’t tell me he loved me until I was at least in my 40’s. He was my world as a kid, fixing motorbikes and go carts, riding in the cotton trailers but there was always something missing. My mother used to sit me down and have long conversations with me when I very young about how sad she was, how dad didn’t get her birthday/ Christmas presents, etc and how lonely she was. I felt I became her confidant and friend from about the age of 10yrs old right through my teenage years. Sometimes I find myself thinking that I’d lost the mother part of her that all my siblings got. I am the oldest child. I looked for acceptance in males early, anything that represented love, touch and connection. I felt that when I wanted to talk to mum about my deepest thoughts and longings (like she always did for me) that she couldn’t cope, being upset with me. Then, I stopped talking. I was raped at 17yrs and didn’t tell her or anyone for 20yrs. I’m 55 now and after several failed marriages, I have the opportunity to meet someone that doesn’t want to hurt me, loves me unconditionally and I sometimes get stuck in my head that I’m still not good enough…. I know that I am good enough, in my heart but then my head takes over and wrestle with it again.

Hi there Mureau. It’s easy to tell ourselves we had a ‘great childhood’. But sounds like you didn’t feel supported or that there wasn’t room for you to be yourself, just what your parents needed. We can hide behind an idea we had a great childhood as we are scared to make our parents ‘wrong’. But this isn’t necessary. Parenting is hard, and it’s possible they did their best. That is not the question. Nor is it about a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ childhood. A childhood is what it is. The question is whether you got what you needed to be a confident adult who knows how to relate in healthy ways. If you didn’t then you need to process all this pain and confusion and learn relating and confidence yourself. Would you consider reaching out for support in the form of counselling or psychotherapy? We think it could really help. Best, HT.

Need some help please. the fact that I always feel not good enough. It’s starting to affect my work, my married life, etc. I have been married for 10 years now. I have left my wife before. We got back together but it feels always that she will be better off/ happier with someone else. At work, I am always worried that I will make mistakes no matter how hard I try to do my work right. I always feel people around me don’t like me. I always feel inadequate, in every aspect of y life. Please help me to get rid of this feeling.

Hi there. Low self-esteem doesn’t just come out of nowhere. It tends to be something that comes from a series of experiences we have had, often in childhood, that create a set of beliefs that live in our unconscious mind and ‘direct the show’, so to speak. So while we can’t wave a magic wand and fix this for you, YOU can fix it. But it won’t be instant. It will take a commitment to yourself and some hard work, learning who you are and how you think and where all your beliefs come from. And the courage to reach out for some support in the form of counselling or therapy. Yes, self help books are great too, but given that this is, as you say, affecting your whole life, then support would be advised. But these things can improve. You might, if therapy sounds overwhelming, want to start with a round of CBT therapy. It’s only short term, it doesn’t dive into your past, it just works on helping you learn how to recognise, manage, and improve your thinking, which then goes on to affect your decisions. It’s helpful for low self-esteem and anxiety. Oh, and in the meantime, try our article, with practical tools for raising self confidence https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/building-confidence.htm Best, HT.

It can be those things yes. But it can also be experiences you go through as an adult. On your job, if you’re always told “you do great work, you actually are doing the job that you aspire to already, but because you don’t have a degree we can’t promote you.” When this pattern follows you though you’ve made changes in your workplace because of feeling less valued…this can leave you feeling your never good enough. How do you get past that? And how is that connected to childhood trauma? I value myself, I know who I am. But what do you do when others don’t?

Hi Sabrina, we can’t tell you the answer to your life, particularly just based on a comment, as we don’t know the whole story. All we can do is ask good questions. What has stopped you from just doing the degree? Is there really no enterprise in the entire place that you live in who doesn’t care or are you basing this on a few experiences and making an assumption as you are upset? What stops you from, say, just starting your own business? (These are just questions to widen perspective, as when we are insulted our perspective tends to narrow). There feels to be a lot of anger here, is that possible? What other things make you angry at the moment if you take a moment to really reflect? It feels like you are fixated on this situation and we would suspect in therapy it would be a bigger, more multi facted issue, but otherwise you might want to do a few coaching sessions with a careers coach who could help you find other perspectives and solutions. Best, HT.

No boys really show an interest in me like they do with my friends which has impacted me even more then usual as I feel ugly and unattractive all the time now too

Hi Macey, growing up can be hard. It can sometimes involve feeling like crap and sad and weird. Our hormones are all over the place, our brains are still growing. It’s okay and normal to have bad days and to want attention and be valued. But it’s not okay to forget that our life is ours, and ours alone. You see here’s the hard truth. This is not about the boys, at all. It’s about you and it’s about low self esteem. Nobody else on this planet can decide your self worth, only you can. And the more we feel we don’t have any, the more others will take the cue from us and decide we don’t. Without realising it we are sending out unconscious signals that we believe we are not pretty or worthy, and we are training those around us to think that, crazy, huh? But think about it. The truth is that it isn’t really about how we look, we all know someone who looks very different, or is far from what is currently considered attractive, who everyone likes. It’s like they have some sort of weird magic, right? They do. This is what it is. They believe they are interesting and worthy and are so busy being themselves they don’t ever even bother thinking what others think, they just get out there and live their best life, do what they love, engage in hobbies, be a good friend to those around them. Long story short, you need to look at where this low self esteem comes from. is there someone you can talk to? An adult you trust, a counsellor at school? It matters that you address this. Otherwise what happens when we are young girls is that the first idiot who comes along who shows up the least bit of attention gets ours, even if he is then mean and horrible. And that means we are left feeling worse, not better. So take the time to work on your sense of self and esteem, it really matters. Best, HT.

I’ve always wondered why in 32 years I’ve never felt like I was enough and I’m not sure my childhood could really be to blame, but it might be a start. I was raised by my father, he initially told me my mom was dead but I remember being about maybe 7 and finally got to meet her. She has been in and out of my life ever since and I never remember having any negative thoughts until one time my mom told me my dad begged her over and over to have an abortion when she was pregnant with me. From there on out, I questioned my purpose and I remember asking my dad if he would rather have had me adopted and I’ve struggled with self harm thoughts ever since. I can’t imagine just that has caused all of the pain and feelings of being worthless all of this time. Fast forward I ended up married at 21, had a daughter, left my husband due to his drug abuse, he and his mother took my daughter from me after I left him, he ended up overdosing and I got her back, I lost my dad (the only constant, the only person I felt I could trust in this entire life) 1 year to the day later, and I was diagnosed with cancer right after. I have since recovered, met someone (who I’ve been with for almost 7 years), struggled with infertility for over 3 years and FINALLY got to have the second child I always dreamed of, and am currently pregnant again but now I’m worried and reverting back to feelings of worthlessness for God know what reason. My now fiance does have a hard time letting go of my past that I was honest with him of and is often angry over a specific individual I slept with so many years ago before I had even ever met him. There’s been many times he’s called me a whore, trash, etc but it’s been a while since he’s done any of that but he has brought up my past with the individual I just spoke about because unfortunately, he is friends with his brother and he pops in on occasion while we are visiting with them and if I could change it I would but I’m truly at a loss as to how to fix something that I can’t change. My fiance is also very sexually driven and has gotten angry in the past if I don’t feel like fooling around even though I did what I did with someone I didn’t care about after a night of drinking all those years ago. I’m just at a loss and wonder if I’m ever going to feel free from the chains of my past, or even if I’m truly worth the air I breathe. Most of the time I feel like im entirely too sensitive for this life and life has been extremely tough when there’s not a soul I can talk to and release some of what I’m feeling because it feels like not only is there no one I can fully trust, but there’s not a soul out there who could even begin to understand me. I’ve tried talking to my fiance about things and he usually ends up angry and thinks antidepressants are stupid and depression is something you make up. I hate feeling so alone in such a big world.

Hi there G. We don’t think you are oversensitive based on this comment (of course we can’t really say as a comment is very limiting and we don’t know you, so this is not a diagnosis). It actually sounds like you are experiencing healthy reactions to unhealthy situations. It’s normal to feel sad and devastated if we experience trauma. It then sounds like your lack of self worth has led to choosing highly unhealthy, destructive relationships that support any negative idea you have about yourself. Not listening to your feelings and worries, shaming you for a past that was outside of your control instead of supporting you for all the inner strength that had you come through it, pushing you to have sexual encounters you don’t want, shaming you for any talk of wanting help with your mental health… these are all serious red flags. We suggest you read our article on coercive control https://bit.ly/coercivecontrolht. In summary, it’s hardly surprising you feel alone given that this is what you have decided is ‘love’. There are millions of souls out there just like you who would understand you but you are the person who needs to understand and support you most of all as you are the one making these choices now, as an adult, that drive you again and again towards despair. You need to reform your ideas of yourself, and of what love is and isn’t. And you really need support. Any counsellor or therapist would understand all of this and create a safe, confidential space for you to slowly begin to build some self esteem. We have an article on how to find low cost or even free therapy here you can use as an inspiration in your search http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. In summary, we don’t think there is anything ‘wrong’ with you. We just think you unconsciously decided that you don’t deserve good things and are stuck in a cycle of choosing a life that hurts and punishes you. You have gotten so used to it you don’t even realise that you have options. You do. You just need help and support to see them. Best, HT.

I’m an 18 year old guy and I’ve struggled with self-esteem/self-worth issues for as long as I can remember. I’m always feeling not good enough and would say I have a very critical inner voice toward myself; heck, I even feel stupid writing this now. I’ve been trying to “learn to love myself” for a while now, and have read a multitude of things from many different areas of the internet, but this negative voice in the back of my head just always seems to persist. The thing I don’t quite understand though is that I would say I had a very positive childhood, and have been fortunate enough not to have to deal with any of the truly tragic examples given in the post.
Anyways, I’m not sure if anyone will actually see this – let alone respond to it – but I figured it could be worth writing down, even if just to give myself some clarity on the situation.

Hi there Y, forget about loving yourself all the time. That’s a thing from the self help movement that has caused more trouble than good. Nobody loves themselves all the time. The human mind is too quick, too changing, and on top of that, most of us don’t really have a solid definition of what love even is or even have the faintest clue. We expect some blissed out wild feeling, which is just a creation of American movies. So try this instead. How about just accepting yourself just exactly as you are. Not liking or loving, but minute by minute accepting that this is who you are, right now. Then learn the fine art of self compassion. http://bit.ly/selfcompassionHT This means treating yourself like you treat your friends. Becoming your own friend. Would you judge a friend for having a bad day? Making a bad choice? Feeling low? So then why the heck judge yourself? if it helps write letters to yourself as if you are are your own friend, or talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. Next step – stop thinking you are your thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts. They are static, like a bad radio station, sometimes. They are not who you are. So learn how to hear them then dismiss them. For this we highly recommend a mindfulness practise. It’s easy to learn, but for it to work you have to commit to it each day. but on a good note it’s shown by research to lower anxiety and improve focus and moods. Learn how for free here. http://bit.ly/mindfulnessallabout. As for your childhood, who knows whether it was good or bad, that’s irrelevant really. If you feel low, for whatever reason, your child mind processed some things as traumatic, whether your adult mind agrees or not. We’d highly advise counselling to deep dive on this and get some support to start to get to know yourself better and raise your esteem. If you are on a low budget we have an article on how to find free to low cost counselling here http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Finally, you might want to look into CBT therapy. It’s short term and a great starter therapy, and it’s main focus is on helping you gain control over your thinking and turn thoughts from negative to balanced. Best, HT.

i do meet a psychiatrist and a psychologist for almost 4 years, my medication change from one antidepressant to another, then add some antipsychotic, my condition much better than our first appointment, but the ‘guilty’ and ‘not good enough’ feeling never fade away, and always lead me to feel worthless, useless, i feel i am frustrating everyone around me, everytime i feel ‘heavy’ my ocd symptoms become more worse, my diagnosis is OCD with MDD, MDD will worse my OCD till OCD make me tired enough, i’m just tired to feel trapped in a cycle again and again, my ‘guilty’ and ‘not good enough’ feelings not coming from my OCD, but these feelings make me doing my OCD ‘things’, i just feeling helpless and hopeless to be happy.

Hi there, sounds tough. Do you see the psychologist weekly? Have you shared this with them? What was their response? And what sort of therapy does this psychologist offer? Best, HT.

How do you reprogram your mind not think that you are not worthy, I’ve just lost my girlfriend due to it.

Hi Cary, if we had the instant, snap your fingers solution, well wouldn’t we be famous indeed! Low self esteem takes years to end up with, and a commitment to yourself and the path of self development to change. But it’s a worthwhile goal to make so be proud you are ready to step forward and make changes, the journey itself can end up teaching much more than just esteem. Before we go further, we would ask, ‘is that true, though? Did you really lose your girlfriend only over that?’ As in our experience, relationships are ALWAYS 50/50. I mean she was the one who chose to date you when you had issues, right? So then what does that say about her? She has her own darn issues. Blaming yourself is simply a way to make yourself feel worse. You aren’t perfect, but neither was she. You were both humans, and the mix didn’t work out. Try to not just use it as a tool of self torture. Seeing how we need to change to have healthier relationships is a great thing, torturing ourselves for having issues is not. Also note that unworthiness happens to the best of us at times. It’s human to suffer from low confidence. For example, does this unworthiness go right across the board? Do you feel confident at work, for example, but just under confident in love? If it’s mostly relationships that the under confidence comes out, then that is often related to our childhood and the lessons we learned or didn’t learn about relating from the adults around us. Did you read the article fully? Notice what resonated? Getting a handle on the ‘why’ is a good place to start as you need to know the reason you have a problem before you solve it. We have many articles with great tips on here, use the search bar to search for ‘esteem’ and ‘confidence’. As for how to ‘reprogram’ your brain, well, actually, one of the therapies the article mentions, CBT, is a short term therapy which focuses on helping you essentially ‘reprogram’ your thoughts, and it would definitely be a helpful one for you by the sounds of it. Note it requires commitment, effort, and homework. But we think the results are worth it. Best, HT.

It sounds very difficult. But what is happening here is you are trapped in a difficult situation that has given you what are called ‘cognitive distortions’. This is when we believe a reality is ‘true’ when really we are just believing a set of distorted ideas, are making big assumptions, and practicing extreme, black and white thinking. We become so addicted to our negative thinking we can’t see anything but bad. Even if something good fell on our head we wouldn’t see it. Life is not black and white, there are always many shades of grey, but we can’t see that. So look. It’s very hard to feel good about ourselves if someone is always criticising us. Nobody can thrive in this environment. This does not mean that the person criticising us is correct. The reason why you would attract only people who find faults in you as that is what you are doing to yourself. Other people take their cues from us. They treat us how we are showing them we want to be treated. You constantly put yourself down this entire comment is putting yourself down, so this will attract people who do the same. In summary, you need to shift perspective and start to respect yourself. But we do get that is VERY hard to do living with your parents. In an ideal world you need to get out of this household and away from your father so you have a chance to grow up, figure out who you are, develop an identity. You will immediately protest this is not possible as your mind, again, is addicted to only seeing black and white, doom and gloom. Tell yourself that your mind is wrong, and this time, don’t agree with it. Recognise that moving out of their parents home is something millions of people do each year all around the world, they find a way. This might require being creative, and it might mean lowering expectations. Taking a menial job you don’t like for awhile, for example. We don’t know where you live, we do know that poverty can make life really hard, and sometimes there is very little opportunity. But if you have the time in life to have girlfriends, friends, to research things on a computer, we are guessing you are not living in extreme poverty. So then start to be open to possibilities and start to make getting out of that environment non negotiable. Something you have to do no matter what. Then start reading more about things like balanced thinking, assumptions, self compassion, we have articles on all of this, use the search bar to find them. You don’t have to learn to perfectly like yourself in a day or week or even year. You just have to commit to trying, bit by bit. In summary, we don’t think you are at all hopeless, far from it. We think you are in a bad situation and you are depressed, and you never learned how to like or respect yourself. Once you get out of that environment and learn to relate in positive ways and to have self compassion, we are convinced things can change. Another useful thing here proven to help moods and self-esteem is volunteering, helping those less fortunate than ourselves. It can really help shift our perspective and sometimes the contacts we meet through volunteering can be friends, or can help us with job leads. Stay open. Best, HT.

I am 23 years old software engineer. I am always helping others and very joyful most of the times. But, due to the thought throughout my life that I am fat it has affected me alot. Also, when I completed my degree, my parents wanted me to marry a guy and settle but I couldn’t find one to rely on for marriage. Now, I have a very good job as I am independently paying my bills. I was happy and feeling good enough then my younger sister got engaged and is marrying soon and I feel alot of pressure of not being good enough infront of my parents since I have been single since last 3 years.

Hi Hafsa,23 is very young to be worrying about not being married! In some cultures that would be seen as too young to marry, so we are assuming you are not in a Western country but one where there is extreme pressure to please family and marry very young. Always pleasing others can be something we do to tell ourselves we have value if we don’t feel we do, when really the person we need to remember to please and take care of is ourselves (use the search bar to find our article on pleasing others we think you’ll find it very useful). It sounds like your problem with low self-esteem is very deep rooted and goes right back to childhood. Weight issues are a very common side effect of low self-esteem, we turn to food for comfort, or use a larger body size to protect ourselves if deep down we feel the world is a dangerous place. And then our brain gets hooked on food (if you feel you can’t control your eating an amazing practical book far better than beating ourselves up or trying pointless and harmless diets is “Eating Less” by Gillian Riley, using brain science around addiction to create a healthy approach to eating). If you aren’t able to access any form of counselling, which we think would be the ideal, then we’d say there are a lot of great self help books and blogs out there nowadays, and you can still make progress by educating yourself as much as possible on self-esteem and self-compassion, etc. We have many articles this site about confidence and esteem with actionable steps, as well as articles on tools that help like mindfulness and journalling. We’d also suggest you read our article on self-compassion. Sometimes insides our heads we talk to ourselves in a way we’d never speak to a friend, and the more we can change that voice to be at least as nice as we’d talk to a friend the better. In summary, you are very, very young. We know it can feel like you have to achieve everything as fast as possible, or that it makes sense to compare yourself to others like siblings, but try to cut yourself some slack. We all have our own timelines, and some of us come into our own far later, but in a way that ends up being perfect for who we are. You are a software engineer, an intelligent woman who is paying her way, be proud of what you have accomplished and try to enjoy all that you are doing, then trust that other good things are ahead. Also, psychological research points out that we always compare up, which 100% makes us feel bad, and sometimes we need to remember to compare down, and notice all the other people we are doing much better than! Best, HT.

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Возвратные местоимения в английском языке

Еще одной группой местоимений являются возвратные местоимения в английском языке (reflexive pronouns / self-pronouns). Эти местоимения имеют следующие формы:

It – itself (оно само)We – ourselves (мы сами)

They – themselves (они сами)

Употребление возвратных местоимений в английском языке

В предложении возвратные местоимения в английском языке могут выполнять функцию не одного члена предложения, а нескольких: прямого или косвенного дополнения, определения, предикатива, обстоятельства образа действия. Например:

She has cut herself. – Она порезала себя. (прямое дополнение)

I work for myself. – Я работаю на себя. (косвенное дополнение)

They will solve their problems themselves. – Они сами решат свои проблемы. (обстоятельство)

You are not quite yourself today. – Ты сегодня сам не свой (не в своей тарелке). (предикатив)

How can we confront the dark parts of ourselves? – Как мы можем противостоять нашим темным сторонам? (определение)

В каких случаях мы прибегаем к использованию возвратных местоимений в английском языке? Мы употребляем их:

Will you introduce yourself, young man? – Вы представитесь, молодой человек?

Be careful, you can hurt yourself! – Будь осторожен, ты можешь пораниться!

The party was great. We enjoyed ourselves very much. – Вечеринка была чудесной. Мы повеселились от души.

I’m trying to teach myself English. – Я пытаюсь научиться английскому.

Но, возьмите на заметку, что возвратные местоимения мы не используем после предлогов места.

He closed the door behind him. – Он закрыл за собой дверь.

She had a suitcase beside her. – У нее был чемодан рядом с собой.

Are you going on holiday by yourself? (= on your own) – Ты собираешься ехать в отпуск один? (сам, без компании)

Can he do it by himself? – Он может сделать это сам? (без чьей-либо помощи)

Jane and Carol can’t lift the piano by themselves. – Джейн и Кэрол не могут сами поднять пианино. (без чьей-либо помощи)

The sick man can’t take care of himself. – Больной мужчина не может о себе заботиться.

Make yourself comfortable and help yourself to the cake. – Располагайтесь (чувствуйте себя как дома) и угощайтесь тортом.

I found myself alone in a strange city. – Я очутилась одна в незнакомом городе.

Collect yourself, you are a man! – Соберись, ты мужчина!

I myself baked the cake. – Я сама испекла пирог.

He said it himself. – Он сам это сказал.

The book itself wasn’t very interesting. – Сама книга не была интересной.

The composer himself conducted the orchestra. – Композитор сам (лично) дирижировал оркестром.

Обычно после следующих глаголов мы не используем возвратные местоимения в английском языке: to dress – одеваться, to hide – прятаться, to wash – умываться, to bathe – купаться, to shave – бриться. Но, если мы стремимся показать, что человек сам что-то сделал, или приложил усилия, чтобы сделать что-то, можно добавить эти местоимения.

Hide behind the wall. – Спрячьтесь за стенкой.

She likes to bathe in the lake. – Она любит купаться в озере.

I had a broken finger, but I managed to dress myself. – У меня был сломан палец, но я смогла одеться сама.

Исключением служит глагол to dry (высушиться, вытереться). Он всегда употребляется с возвратным местоимением – to dry oneself:

She quickly dried herself and dressed in the silk nightgown. – Она быстро вытерлась и надела шелковую ночную рубашку.

Запомните! Возвратные местоимения в английском языке не нужно употреблять после глаголов to feel (чувствовать), to concentrate (сосредоточиться), to relax (расслабиться), to meet (встретиться), to kiss – поцеловаться (и с другими русскими глаголами, которые выражают значение взаимного действия). Также они не используются в выражении to take / to bring something with (взять с собой, принести с собой).

I feel good! – Я хорошо себя чувствую! (не говорим I feel good myself)

We shall meet later. – Мы встретимся позже. (не говорим We shall meet ourselves later)

When I leave, I will take this bag with me. – Когда я буду уезжать, я заберу эту сумку с собой. (не говорим I will take this bag with myself)

Есть еще два небольших нюанса, касающихся возвратных местоимений в английском языке, на которые следует обратить внимание, так как они помогут вам разобраться в значениях и не совершать ошибок в будущем.

I bought myself a new car. – Я купила себе новую машину. (купила сама себе)

Look at yourself! – Посмотри на себя. (на саму себя)

Если же подставить слово «сам» по смыслу не получается, мы используем личное местоимение в объектном падеже:

She put a pile of papers before her. – Она положила стопку бумаг перед собой.

I would like to take you with me. – Я хотел бы взять тебя с собой.

Mother and father stand in front of the mirror and look at themselves. – Мама и папа стоят перед зеркалом и смотрят на себя. (= папа и мама смотрят на папу и маму – отражения в зеркалах)

Mother looks at father and father looks at mother. They look at each other. – Мама смотрит на папу, папа смотрит на маму. Они смотрят друг на друга. (= они смотрят друг на друга)

Вот такие вот одновременно простые и иногда сложные возвратные местоимения в английском языке.

Данная тема тесно связана с другими, описанными в статьях, на которые необходимо обратить внимание:

После ознакомления с ними рекомендуем пройти следующий тест: «Тест #1 на употребление местоимений в английском языке».

Если вы нашли ошибку, пожалуйста, выделите фрагмент текста и нажмите Ctrl+Enter.

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I feel my self

I’m feeling good about myself

I’m liking myself for whatever reason, often it’s when you know you are looking good!

Символ показывает уровень знания интересующего вас языка и вашу подготовку. Выбирая ваш уровень знания языка, вы говорите пользователям как им нужно писать, чтобы вы могли их понять.

Мне трудно понимать даже короткие ответы на данном языке.

Могу задавать простые вопросы и понимаю простые ответы.

Могу формулировать все виды общих вопросов. Понимаю ответы средней длины и сложности.

Понимаю ответы любой длины и сложности.

Решайте свои проблемы проще в приложении!

( 30 698 )

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Текст песни All by Myself

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone
Living alone
I think of all the friends I’ve known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don’t wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don’t wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Перевод песни All by Myself

Когда я была молода,
Я ни в ком не нуждалась,
Любовь была для меня просто игрой,
Но эти времена прошли.
Я осталась одна
И часто вспоминаю старых друзей,
Но, когда я звоню им,
Никого не застаю дома.

Я совсем одна,
Я больше не могу
Быть одна,
Не могу.

Я не уверена ни в чём,
И иногда это просто невыносимо,
Но любовь, такая далёкая и нереальная,
Становится моим спасением.

Я совсем одна,
Я больше не могу
Быть одной,
Не могу.
Я совсем одна,
Я больше не могу
Быть одной,
Не могу.

Когда я была молода,
То ни в ком не нуждалась,
Любовь была для меня просто игрой,
Но эти времена прошли.

Я совсем одна,
Я больше не могу
Быть одной,
Не могу.

Источник

‘I Feel Empty:’ What Does It Mean If You Feel This Way?

Barbara is writer and speak who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women’s issues.

Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital.

Karen Cilli is a fact-checker for Verywell Mind. She has an extensive background in research, with 33 years of experience as a reference librarian and educator.

Levani Kalmaxelidze / EyeEm / Gety Images

Why You Might Feel Empty

Sometimes a feeling of emptiness is fleeting and lasts only a few days or weeks. Often it resolves by itself and you feel as good as new. But sometimes this gnawing feeling persists.

A host of reasons might lead to a feeling of emptiness. These reasons could be physical, mental, or emotional. Here are ways to cope with feelings of emptiness and return to feeling better about life.

Physical Factors

While there may be many physical issues or ailments that could lead to a feeling of emptiness, exhaustion could be a major culprit as sleep deprivation has many negative side effects.

Lack of Sleep

The importance of getting good, restful sleep has a definite effect on your health. You might feel empty because you’re really tired. A Harvard University health source says “neuroimaging and neurochemistry studies suggest that a good night’s sleep helps foster both mental and emotional resilience, while chronic sleep deprivation sets the stage for negative thinking and emotional vulnerability.”

Exhaustion

Feeling like there’s no fuel in the tank could derive from exhaustion. Perhaps you’ve been through so much, your energy levels are depleted. Maybe you’ve been caregiving for children or elderly parents.

Research confirms that even informal caregiving causes stress and burnout. Another cause of your exhaustion and feeling empty might be attributable to the long hours you might be spending on work projects.

Press Play for Advice On Dealing With Caregiver Stress

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring actor Nathan Kress, shares how to handle the stress that can arise after you’ve taken on a caregiver role. Click below to listen now.

Ways to Cope With Exhaustion

If you’re feeling exhausted and feel a general sense of emptiness, some of following tips might alleviate your symptoms:

See if any of these remedies offset that feeling of blah-ness or nothingness. If these solutions don’t work, you might need to delve deeper into your psyche. Take time to assess the situation by sitting down with a pad of paper and pen and ask yourself about the deep cause or causes of your exhaustion:

By assessing your responsibilities and your current situation, you may find certain obligations no longer fit into your life plan in the same way that they did before. Remember that quitting something isn’t a sign of weakness or lack of commitment. In fact, quitting can be a sign of strength.

Mental and Emotional Health Factors

Various life events or circumstances might lead to this feeling of emptiness or sadness. Everyone is different. The same situation, let’s say of dealing with a belligerent boss, might affect one person profoundly and the person next door in a much less impactful way. Differing perceptions influence our mental and emotional health.

Some possible causes of that empty feeling are listed below.

Boredom

Are you bored and unsatisfied with your daily life, so you feel a void? Sherry Amatenstein, LCSW and author of four books, says you may feel empty because you’re “feeling purposeless, [and] you are going through the motions and not truly knowing what would give you meaning.”

Make a list of activities you could do to increase your sense of joy, fun, and meaningfulness.

Another option is to journal things you’re grateful for by just looking around you. Scientists have proven that gratitude can increase your happiness.

Loneliness After a Romantic Breakup

After a relationship or marriage ends, you might feel a void. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest studies about adult life that is still going strong after 75 years, has found that maintaining loving relationships with spouses, family, and friends is one of the most crucial factors in our happiness.

It’s no wonder that you’d feel down and lonely if you’re no longer part of a romantic relationship. As loneliness is associated with a host of maladaptive conditions like depression, it’s important that look into myriad ways to cope. You might join a class, set up a regular time to talk with your best friend or seek out online support.

Grief

After the death of someone close to you, it’s common for loved ones to remark to others that they feel a sense of utter numbness or emptiness. This emptiness in your home or heart should abate. There isn’t necessarily closure to the loss of someone special to you, but there is often a way to get through and live with the loss.

As part of the grieving process, you will come to terms in various ways with the loss of your relative or friend. Verywell Mind has put together a list of grief and bereavement support tips to help you through the bereavement experience.

Depression and Other Mental Health Issues

The tricky thing about depression is that it can include a spectrum of symptoms. For example, it might show up as temporary sadness and feeling low. Or you might feel a decreased interest in activities that you usually enjoy. These factors might create a blah, empty, tired feeling.

Amatenstein cautions that a strong and persistent feeling of lack or sense of nothingness might indicate more serious issues. She says, “This feeling can be associated with a chronic mental health condition such as depression or PTSD (post-traumatic-stress disorder).”

With depression, look for a range of symptoms that include a loss of appetite, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness, problems with decision-making, and suicidal ideation.

Amatenstein adds that feeling empty could “also be a defense mechanism because after a triggering traumatic event that is so upsetting it’s easier to shut down and feel nothing than deal with severe emotions.”

If your feeling of emptiness reflects what is called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, PTSD, or seems to be traumatic, it’s recommended that you seek help from a licensed mental health practitioner.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

How to Deal With Feeling Empty

With mild feelings of emptiness or temporary feelings of lack, you can motivate yourself to get out and feel better in various ways.

Focus on self-care, do activities that improve your sense of well-being, make meaningful changes, and communicate these feelings with people you are close to and of course, your therapist.

If these feelings have lingered and you feel they are beyond simple remedies, professional help is advised.

A Word From Verywell

Acknowledging your feelings of emptiness is the first step, so congratulations if you’ve taken that step. Determining the possible cause is the next step.

If you are in distress or this feeling is persistent, reoccurring, and complex, therapists are available online and in person to assist you. Finally, remind yourself that you are respecting your feelings and taking positive actions.

Источник

I feel my self.com, orgasmos femeninos

No sé si recordarás la página Beautiful agony, una web en la que se podían ver orgasmos reales de personas de todo el mundo.

Pues bien, en I feel my self encontramos algo parecido, una página en la que se pueden ver orgasmos, en este caso solo femeninos, de lo más variados y eso sí, grabados con mucha calidad. Casi se diría que tienen un puntito artístico.

Eso sí, para poder verlo todo en su totalidad hay que registrarse y pagar, pero también hay cosas gratis para los usuarios no registrados.

I feel my self tiene imágenes más explícitas que Beautiful agony, pero también se trata de vídeos rodados con más calidad y una estética diferente. Y con una variedad enorme: chicas de todo tipo, en todo tipo de lugares (incluso en la cornisa de un edificio).

Por cierto, que si hay quienes dudan de la eyaculación femenina, aquí hay algunas imágenes que nos podrían sacar de dudas.

Si quieres, no tienes más que darte una vuelta y comprobarlo.

Источник

I feel my self

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Не говорите «I feel myself», и другие правила английского языка, которые вгоняют в ступор

Порядок прилагательных: черт ногу сломит

Двойное отрицание: нельзя, но если очень хочется, то можно

«Good» или «Well»? «Bad» или «Badly»?

Онлайн-школа EnglishDom.com — вдохновляем выучить английский через технологии и человеческую заботу

6 Answers 6

«Feeling Myself» lyrics

will.i.am Lyrics

‘I feel myself good’ and ‘I feel myself well’ in English

I feel my self

feel myself

См. также в других словарях:

«Feel Myself» lyrics

Natalia Kills Lyrics

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Отзывы, жалобы и комментарии о сайте i-feel-my-self.online.

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I Feel Self-Conscious about My Looks

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‘I Hate Myself’: 8 Ways to Combat Self-Hatred

Signs of Self-Hatred

Causes of Self-Hatred

Negative Inner Critic

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Childhood Experiences

Bad Relationships

Bullying

Traumatic Events

Environmental Triggers

Negative Self-Concept

Mental Health Conditions

Outcomes of Self-Hatred

How to Combat Self-Hatred

Try Journaling

Talk Back to Your Inner Critic

Practice Self-Compassion

Spend Time With Positive People

Practice Meditation

See a Therapist

Take Care of Yourself

Move Toward Living the Life You Want

A Word From Verywell

Sally Rooney: ‘I’m really paranoid about my personal life. I feel self-conscious’

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Always Left Feeling Not Good Enough? The Real Reasons Why

I feel like a failure

7 Reasons For Feeling Not Good Enough

1.You have hidden core beliefs that are running the show.

2. If you listen deeply, your inner voice is actually critical and judgemental.

3. You surround yourself with critical people.

4. You had critical, demanding, or aloof parent(s).

5. You main caregiver couldn’t offer you stability or safety.

6. You didn’t get enough ‘attachment’ as a kid.

7. You experienced strong trauma(s) in the past.

So is feeling not good enough always all about the past?

What sorts of therapy help?

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